The only way is up: Land's End to John o' Groats 2015

[Dillinger]

I think he means Dominic's love eggs still up him

[Topper]

Slap, how is your anus coming down from bicycle seat addiction. Do you carry the seat with you just in case your ass has a flashback and needs to come down, so to speak, gently?

[withnallstoke]

DOMS.. what are ?

Short for femdoms.

Urban Dictionary: Femdom

[Topper]

Urban Dictionary: Femdom

-) Humiliation of the sub. (submissive, slave)
-) Penetration of the sub. (incl. strap-ons, toys, etc). (bike seat)
-) Bondage / restraint of the sub. (being forced to reside on said seat)
-) "Water Sports" (residing on seat in the rain)

[somtamslap]

Delayed
Onset
Muscle
Soreness

...and it's official. I've just tried to ride my bike a fraction of the daily distances I was riding End to End and failed miserably.

[billy the kid]

The pain barriers can be different on different days moving around the body.
for a while it's the legs then the shoulders or the neck.
But you have to go through the gauntlet of pain in all parts of the body.
These i call 'good pains' cause it shows me where there's a weakness.
A toothache or the shits would be bad pain.
When you've gone through all the pain barriers; you know you're in right good shape.
That's why i say do the hills. they are the real challenge.

good to have 3 or 4 days to recover from 14 days on the trot.

[nidhogg]

Depending on the timing, and provided we cycle at Chas' speed I'd be interested. I once did half* the length of Vietnam.








*half is not nearly as impressive as the entire length of the UK....

Just for note - Lands End to John O'Groats = 1, 407 km

Vietnam north to south - 1, 650 kilometers

[billy the kid]

Vietnam was the craziest place to ride a bike
the truck horns constantly blasting in your ear and they are loud.
couple of times i've jumped out of my own skin.
but no accidents there.
only in thailand.

[kingwilly]

Depending on the timing, and provided we cycle at Chas' speed I'd be interested. I once did half* the length of Vietnam.

*half is not nearly as impressive as the entire length of the UK....

Just for note - Lands End to John O'Groats = 1, 407 km

Vietnam north to south - 1, 650 kilometers

hence the reason I say not nearly half as impressive. I also had a support vehicle with cold drinks along the way. Hotels book and paid for etc. And we (2 friends with me) avoid the city by taking the van the first 20 mins out of town.

Vietnam was the craziest place to ride a bike
the truck horns constantly blasting in your ear and they are loud.
couple of times i've jumped out of my own skin.
but no accidents there.
only in thailand.

Local guide meant we avoid nearly all the main roads and highway 1 in particular. (I think we had one half day on the highway)

[somtamslap]

Hopefully these maps and stats will offer a little more insight into the trip.

Day one:

This was after I'd ridden from Penzance to Land's End and back the previous evening, so just 58.7 miles with 5,180 feet of elevation.

Moving time: 5hrs 6 mins

Elapsed time: 7hrs 40 mins

Calories: 3,262

[somtamslap]

Day two: Bodmin to Barnstaple

National Cycle Network route 3 took me round the houses, but offered up some sensational views of the Atlantic.

Miles: 80.5

Elevation 5,387 feet

Moving time: 7hrs 11mins

Elapsed time: 10hrs 24mins

Calories: 4,074

[somtamslap]

Day three: Barnstaple to Glastonbury

Overshot my accommodation by eight fucking miles - which was a shame.

The high peak in the middle of the route is the Quantocks.

Miles: 95.7

Moving time: 8hrs 2mins

Elapsed time: 9hrs 54mins

Elevation: 5,892 feet

Calories: 4,912

[somtamslap]

Will finish those off presently...

If ye ken what ahm foking saying, likesay.

[Dillinger]

Riveting stuff. Just show the blisters on your arse man

[somtamslap]

Riveting stuff.

Possibly a little incongruous to a Thailand-based forum, but I've started so I'll finish.

[somtamslap]

Day four: Glastonbury to Chepstow

Pissed down from the moment I made the first pedal revolution.

Smashed by wind and rain going over the Severn Bridge and a somewhat ungainly negotiation of Bristol - stopped early in Chepstow. Lots of Welsh people about. The big lump at the start is a traversal of the Mendips.

Miles: 50

Elevation: 3,192ft

Moving time: 4hrs 40mis

Elapsed time: 6hrs 21mins

Calories: 2,436

[Dillinger]

how did you manage to eat that many calories whilst riding a bike ? No wonder your left hand was numb, you nearly ate the fukker

[chassamui]

V Interesting Slap. Keep it up.

[Neverna]

^ Agreed.

All good stuff, Slap.

[somtamslap]

how did you manage to eat that many calories whilst riding a bike ?

I even wrote down every single one of my evening meals. It's fucking carnage. Flesh everywhere. Flesh, Coca-Cola and Kronenberg. Kronenberg? How gauche. How working class.

Cheers chaps, ^^ up there. I knew you wouldn't let me down! Knew it!

Welcome to the shortest day of the trip.

Day five: Chepstow - Hereford

I already had accommodation in Hereford (this place would be the last I booked in advance) and although I'd stopped early the day before in Chepstow, the proprietor still had room so I was able to retain it. We'll call this a rest day, although it featured a few hills - most notably over the Forest of Dean.

Miles: 40

Elevation: 2,956ft

Moving time: 3hrs 17mins

Elapsed time: 3hrs 45mins

Calories: 2,105

[Topper]

It's very interesting.....

Not to nitpick, but the maps would have made knowing where the pictures were being taken earlier in the thread more interesting for those of us that are less than familiar with the geography of Britain.

Either way, excellent work Slap.

[somtamslap]

Not to nitpick, but the maps would have made knowing where the pictures were being taken earlier in the thread more interesting for those of us that are less than familiar with the geography of Britain.

In my defence I was mainly dealing with shite wifi connections. Fecking around with maps at the end of each day would've added several months onto the trip.

Day six: Hereford - Chester

After the previous day's woeful mileage, today, despite the perpetual drizzle, I decided to cycle for as long as I could. And so I meandered in and out of Wales and Shropshire until I eventually met Chester, and every one was speaking in Scouse...

Miles:112.5

Elevation: 5,367

Moving time: 8hrs 50 mins

Elapsed time: 10hrs 58mins

Calories: 5,579



You can see that after 100 miles I found the Chester Plains. Flat, blissful, foking dancer!

[chassamui]

Them Welsh bits are a bastard by the look of it.

[somtamslap]

^ Not a patch on Cornwall or Devon, Chaz. The undulations in those two counties were fucking incorrigible and very steep.

Day seven: Chester - Preston

Despite the relatively low mileage on this leg it was up there with the toughest for two reasons: one, due to having met up with a mate of Withnall's, who I also knew from various scallywaggery in Samui a while back, it was deemed necessary to drink a ridiculous amount of lager the evening prior; and secondly it featured constant glances at the map in order to navigate the utter mayhem that is the north west, and also two punctures - the scourge of the cycle tourist. Fortunately Stoke #2 rode with me for the duration.

Miles: 64

Elevation: 2,044

Moving time: 5hrs 28mins

Elapsed time: 9hrs 26mins

Calories: 2,900

[somtamslap]

Day eight: Preston - Kendal

Probably my lowest ebb.

The first 40 miles had gone very well. The sun shone, the road was fast and flat - but after stopping for a cup of tea, a double puncture hindered my aim of getting close to the Scottish border and I ended up walking the final five miles into Kendal where I would get my back tyre changed the following morning.

Miles: 48

Elevation: 2,182

Moving time: 5hrs 8mins

Elapsed time: 7hrs 5mins

Calories: 2,916