Por the Broom Brandishing Barbarian

**somtamslap** · 12-12-2012, 02:04 PM

I think one of the principal reasons that myself and Por share an empathetic bond with one another and are therefore able to appreciate the wavelength on which we function is due to the fact that we both fucking hate everybody.

Only the other day an uncle who is known to make sporadic forays to the farm and generally instigate all kinds of chaos due to his modified car stereo which rocks the foundations of the whole fucking village and prompts a tribe of pygmies in a backwater Indonesian cave into a spontaneous conga line, graced us with his quite frankly, repulsive presence. Why on Earth one would feel it necessary to install several hundred (and that is by no means an exaggeration) speakers in their fucking vehicle is beyond me. The only rationale I'm able to deduce is that the owners of such abhorrent automobiles are in fact in the possession of an extremely woeful collection of genitalia. But hey, if I stick loads of fucking speakers in my car and an amplifier which can be heard in the Orkney Island then perhaps the birds won't notice that I've got a really small cock and a pair of bollocks which make garden peas look like fucking beach balls.

Well with the undesired appearance of this gentleman and the subsequent cacophony of whoops and whistles coupled with an earth shuddering bass line belching with gusto from his pestilent pride and joy, I was rather happy to note that Por was staring at him with a look which suggested that should the fucking radio not be turned down or preferably off in the next five seconds that a particularly violent thrashing was imminent.

Needless to say Old Small Balls immediately reached into the car and shut down the system.

Por 1
Tiny Tackle 0

My admiration for Por was stepped up a notch or two this morning whilst I was busy clearing the cobwebs of a Ya-Dong induced Slumber. Sitting on the balcony drinking a cup of weak sugary tea and smoking a cigarette (a habit which has recently been given a serious appraisal - RIP Dirty Dog) I saw that Por had already started his usual early sweeping session and had amassed an impressive amount of debris into a collection of large piles.

One silly bastard of an Auntie who tends to treat my dwellings as her own and comes and goes as she pleases, often relieving me of the occasional DVD or two, made the fundamental error of walking over one of Por's laboriously created heaps, and good Lord did she suffer the consequences.

Por, who obviously hadn't imbibed his sufficient fix of meths this morning, raised his brand new broom (the fourth fucker this month) in a threatening fashion, and basically told the thoughtless twat of an Auntie to get the fuck away from my leaves before I beat you.

The poor old trout was an uncle's penis away from getting dead - right there under the mango tree.

And Por, well Por is of course a fucking ghetto superstar.

**Necron99** · 12-12-2012, 02:50 PM

I have one of those twats across from my place in the sticks. Beat up Isuzu pickup with the obligatory oversized carryboy back complete with Che sticker and an amplifier not out of place at a AC-DC concert.
Every fucking night he runs it for about 30 min when the prick gets home from delivering his cucumbers or whatever it is he carts around.

**mt830plus** · 12-12-2012, 03:57 PM

Alright this thread prompted me to register and post here on this forum which I have been lurking for some time. I've never been to Thailand, probably will never go, but I do live in a podunk bass ackwards ghetto town called Kankakee, Illinois.

As I read your accounts of living in Thailand, I'm inspired to share with you folks on the other side of the world the pleasures of living in Kankakee because, in all honesty, the only differences between this shithole and Thailand is black folks here don't speak Thai, and the locals over there don't speak ebonics. Other than that, from what it sounds like, they act the same.

Now I must partake in some fine snuff and remember some of my more memorable moments in this particular cesspool I currently reside in.

**somtamslap** · 12-12-2012, 04:25 PM

Originally Posted by mt830plus

ghetto town called Kankakee, Illinois.

Sounds great! Do you get to say cool stuff like 'it's all in the game' or 'we got dem redtops'?

If so, can I come and visit you?

**Latindancer** · 12-12-2012, 04:30 PM

Originally Posted by mt830plus

Now I must partake in some fine snuff

Alrighty. Would that be the kind of....er.....green snuff that you sometimes also smoke, or THIS kind of snuff, which sends you soaring out over the treetops ?

**mt830plus** · 12-12-2012, 04:54 PM

Can't say I've ever heard those words uttered by the mouth of a coon without a few choice words thrown in.

Let me demonstrate:
It's all in the game, nigga.
We got them muthafuckin redtops.

**mt830plus** · 12-12-2012, 04:56 PM

[QUOTE=Latindancer;2295735]

Originally Posted by mt830plus

Now I must partake in some fine snuff

Alrighty. Would that be the kind of....er.....green snuff that you sometimes also smoke, or THIS kind of snuff, which sends you soaring out over the treetops ?

hah no yopo here.. just some Fribourg & Treyer High Dry Toast.

**somtamslap** · 12-12-2012, 10:25 PM

Brooms: The new weapon of choice among the chancers of the northeast..

**Rural Surin** · 12-12-2012, 11:24 PM

Por has become a storied iconic convention.

A conduit.

**somtamslap** · 13-12-2012, 10:11 AM

Originally Posted by Rural Surin

Por has become a storied iconic convention.

He's the only material I have at the moment.

Life is obviously a tad dull at present

**Nokturnal** · 13-12-2012, 03:55 PM

A shame really, Had Por beaten the old hag I would recommend a raise for the poor bastard.

I too have an in-law or two who completely lack common courtesy...However I've sorted that by keeping the front drapes closed and remaining nude at all hours. Pop in uninvited no more.

Love the stories Slap, Have a green.

**somtamslap** · 13-12-2012, 06:43 PM

Originally Posted by Nokturnal

Had Por beaten the old hag I would recommend a raise for the poor bastard.

He really wanted to, you know. My wife had to intervene to prevent any bloodshed. The man is basically a genial psychopath.

**Nokturnal** · 13-12-2012, 11:54 PM

^ There's at least one in every family... Thai family's may have two or more. Por's plight isn't that much different from many of ours, Only he is the one with nothing to lose... And that my friend is a man to not only respect but fear in moderate doses.

Never know when the fella might explode.

**somtamslap** · 15-12-2012, 06:07 PM

Originally Posted by somtamslap

Only the other day an uncle who is known to make sporadic forays to the farm and generally instigate all kinds of chaos due to his modified car stereo which rocks the foundations of the whole fucking village and prompts a tribe of pygmies in a backwater Indonesian cave into a spontaneous conga line, graced us with his quite frankly, repulsive presence. Why on Earth one would feel it necessary to install several hundred (and that is by no means an exaggeration) speakers in their fucking vehicle is beyond me. The only rationale I'm able to deduce is that the owners of such abhorrent automobiles are in fact in the possession of an extremely woeful collection of genitalia. But hey, if I stick loads of fucking speakers in my car and an amplifier which can be heard in the Orkney Island then perhaps the birds won't notice that I've got a really small cock and a pair of bollocks which make garden peas look like fucking beach balls.

This is the kind of arse I talk of...

**pseudolus** · 15-12-2012, 09:05 PM

I think you have a choice of 3 courses of action with the twat uncle character.

1) Get him wrecked on lao khao and then when he is passed out, take each and every wire connecting to a speak and rewire it to the drivers seat, attached to a small metal pole embedded in the seat close to his gonads. If you are feeling generous, a little knob of C4 on the end of the pole to ensure you message gets through.

2) Every time he arrives, get your fine length of cock and resplendent balls out and wave them in his direction

3) Kill him and feed him to the pigs, blaming it on por.

**Rural Surin** · 15-12-2012, 09:09 PM

Fine length of cock....??

An assumption, yes?

**pseudolus** · 16-12-2012, 05:51 PM

Originally Posted by Rural Surin

Fine length of cock....??

An assumption, yes?

Compared to the natives, there is a good chance it will be enough to scare the horses.

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