I hate you

**hillbilly** · 02-02-2009, 02:34 AM

While living in the states with my daughter we have had a few hiccups. She has grown up in a Thailand with a maid and is not use to doing housework. Hence, one of the reasons for moving back for a few years to instill some responsibility.

Sunday is a clean the house day. Washing, drying and putting up clothes along with tidying up our rooms. The big stink involves cleaning the bathroom, my daughter says that it is disgusting. Today, to add to her chores I added my bathroom as she often uses it as well.

This 9-year old got all upset about the additional duty and said "I hate you".

Currently, I am now trying to calm down before resolving this issue. So what would you do?

**Texpat** · 02-02-2009, 02:43 AM

get a maid.

**S Landreth** · 02-02-2009, 02:54 AM

unacceptable behavior (the “I hate you” comment),…she does need responsibilities

I was raised in a strict home,…..there is nothing wrong with asking your children to do chores

However,.she was raised with a house keeper in the house here in Thailand so it is going to take some adjustments

**hillbilly** · 02-02-2009, 03:12 AM

Originally Posted by Texpat

get a maid.

Your suggestion could help bandaid the problem, but actually providing a solution?

**buriramboy** · 02-02-2009, 03:21 AM

Make her earn her pocket money/allowance or whatever you call it, no work no money, she don't want to do her chores then no luxuries as in new clothes or whatever you spoil your daughter with.

**NickA** · 02-02-2009, 03:35 AM

Originally Posted by hillbilly

She has grown up in a Thailand with a maid and is not use to doing housework. Hence, one of the reasons for moving back for a few years to instill some responsibility.

Couldn't you just have sacked the maid?

**hillbilly** · 02-02-2009, 03:42 AM

^This was tried several times, but the truth is initially I enjoyed the aspects of having a Thai maid. As the years went on... Well you get the picture.

**davearn** · 02-02-2009, 03:58 AM

Could always use the line Dustin Hoffman used in Kramer vs Kramer.

**hillbilly** · 02-02-2009, 04:01 AM

Originally Posted by davearn

Could always use the line Dustin Hoffman used in Kramer vs Kramer.

Come on now, help me out here. What was the line?

**britmaveric** · 02-02-2009, 04:03 AM

reward/punishment method - don't do your chores you get things cut out, you do things then you get some pocket dosh.

Chores teaches responsibility - not going to have someone else do things for you always, so best to learn this now, not later.

**davearn** · 02-02-2009, 04:04 AM

^ Sorry mate, I was only joshing but the line is "I hate you back, you littlle shit"

**mrsquirrel** · 02-02-2009, 04:52 AM

Do nothing.

Said it myself a few times

Let it pass and she will do something about it if she wants to or realises she said it out of anger.

don't worry about it HB.

**friscofrankie** · 02-02-2009, 05:17 AM

ignore the "I hate you" stick to your guns. Be fair.
Every parent goes through this. It is her prerogative to hate you, it is NOT her prerogative to defy you. Make damned she does her chores, whether she hates you or not.

**hillbilly** · 02-02-2009, 05:50 AM

Ok, I have calmed down just a bit.

I just have to remind myself that I was an asshole when I was I kid. Probably still am at times.

Now here is where us adults can't figure out kids. My daughter is now cleaning out her entire room to include the closet.

Might I say no problem with the Disney Channel not being on, she is listening to today's music and is doing what she has been asked.

Even organizing her closet or wardrobe as the Thais would say.

However, she did comment that she only had 5 pairs of jeans...

Thanks for all the imput. Really appreciate the feedback!

**kingwilly** · 02-02-2009, 06:01 AM

Originally Posted by hillbilly

Currently, I am now trying to calm down before resolving this issue. So what would you do?

gladd the others said it first, DO NOT react to the i hate you comment,

it is either

1. a means of blowing off steam (and thus to be ignored)

2. said to get a reaction (and thus to be ignored)

Besides, your daughter will love you forever, don't let words said in anger hurt that. do not make a deal out of it.

**ch1ldofthemoon** · 02-02-2009, 06:09 AM

send her out to work ther rice paddies,tell her she cant come back `till she loves you........

**chitown** · 02-02-2009, 06:17 AM

This type of the thing was the beginning of the end of my relationship with the kid. So be careful how you handle it. Be firm, fair, loving and don't back down. Hope for the best, but expect the worst. No matter how fair you are it won't be enough in her eyes. Good luck HB - been there done that!

**Rural Surin** · 02-02-2009, 06:33 AM

Originally Posted by friscofrankie

ignore the "I hate you" stick to your guns. Be fair.
Every parent goes through this. It is her prerogative to hate you, it is NOT her prerogative to defy you. Make damned she does her chores, whether she hates you or not.

Good sound advice Frankie. Nonetheless, situations can be different, this might be a sound guideline. Cheers

**Rural Surin** · 02-02-2009, 06:35 AM

DELETE

**Rattanaburi** · 02-02-2009, 06:43 AM

She should learn to do work but making her clean your bathroom could be a bit disgusting especially if your hair is all over the place in it. Why not tell her if she doesn't want to clean it she should use the other one but she has to clean it. Growing up we never cleaned our parents bathroom. My sisters pretty much only did laundry or stuff in the kitchen. I guess they helped in keeping the main bathroom clean. You know girls though they mess up bathrooms with all their makeup etc. Thinking back it seems that my brother and I did a lot more work around the house inside and out than my sisters. Now my brother is a lazy ass. My sisters are the most successful.

Anyways, I still think that a 9 year old shouldn't have to clean her father's toilet. It's disgusting!!!

**Loy Toy** · 02-02-2009, 07:04 AM

Originally Posted by hillbilly

This 9-year old got all upset about the additional duty and said "I hate you".

Welcome to fatherhood mate!

Don't make a big issue out of it but stick to your guns and certainly do not bow to her outburst.

I would like a dollar for everytime one of my kids told me they hate me and at the end we could not be closer.

By giving her chores and responsibilities is ensuring that she ends up feeling a bigger part of your family. She will thank you one day and tell you she is going to teach her children the same principles.

Then your grand kids will tell you that they hate you!

Comes with being a good dad mate!

**hillbilly** · 02-02-2009, 07:14 AM

Thanks! My daughter is still not happy!

**jizzybloke** · 02-02-2009, 07:35 AM

^she'll get over it!

I never said "i hate you" to mine my brother did and got the shit kicked out of him, just made me more sneaky

**Loy Toy** · 02-02-2009, 07:45 AM

My son (adopted) tends to piss all over the toilet seat including the floor and when he does a piss and doesn't clean up his mess.

My wife explained that he has a foreskin which hangs over his bell end which does not allow him to piss straight!

Well as I don't have a foreskin I can't imagine his problem so this morning I waltzed him into the toilet and made him clean up his mess. My wife told me she would clean it and I told her that if he doesn't learn now he will never learn.

She agreed, he got down begrudgingly and cleaned up his piss and I don't want to see his yellow beads all over the toilet seat again over wise I will ban him from the toilets and I will give him a 5 Gallon bucket to do his business in.

You gotta be cruel to be kind......My parents were!

**The Gentleman Scamp** · 02-02-2009, 07:54 AM

Originally Posted by hillbilly

Originally Posted by Texpat

get a maid.

Your suggestion could help bandaid the problem, but actually providing a solution?

Exactly, it must hurt a bit to be told 'I hate you' from your own child or from a step child but is getting a maid providing a solution or simply spoiling the kid?

Many kids in Thailand do have maids and drivers and go to nice schools - this is all very well providing they understand how fortunate they are.

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