Results 1 to 18 of 18
  1. #1
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Last Online
    27-11-2023 @ 11:59 PM
    Location
    Down on the farm
    Posts
    13,805

    The Chap in the Public House

    I say! You! Yes, you with the jeans and the wellington boots!

    Did you set out this balmy evening to offend me?

    Was it your intention to override the dusk chorus of irritable reptiles and sexually frustrated hounds with your ill-mixed cacophony of song and verse, which is appreciated by none other than the subconscious that emits such a painstakingly antagonistic screech?

    Isn't the fact that I'm currently holding my novel some 2 millimetres from my face a gesture which obviously cries "FUCK OFF, YOU KUNT, I'm otherwise engaged?"

    Are the vocals you are currently departing with absolutely necessary in such a confined space?

    Are you aware that you are literally seconds from being introduced, rather quite violently, to the label that dons my bottle of ale?

    No?

    Well I'll be off then, you fucking twat!

    And with that, Slap exited the local shop and wrote a load of bollocks on the internet.


  2. #2
    Thailand Expat
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Last Online
    @
    Posts
    59,983
    Some geezers.

  3. #3
    Banned

    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Last Online
    09-05-2021 @ 03:25 AM
    Posts
    33,644
    What are you doing reading a book in a Karaoke bar you nutter ?

  4. #4
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Last Online
    27-11-2023 @ 11:59 PM
    Location
    Down on the farm
    Posts
    13,805
    Quote Originally Posted by Dillinger
    What are you doing reading a book in a Karaoke bar you nutter ?
    Clutching at the straws of sanity, quite fecklessly, mind you...

  5. #5
    Banned

    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Last Online
    09-05-2021 @ 03:25 AM
    Posts
    33,644
    You need a Wetherspoons up there mate,

  6. #6
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
    withnallstoke's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Last Online
    17-03-2024 @ 11:00 PM
    Location
    The Felcher Memorial Home.
    Posts
    14,570
    Quote Originally Posted by Dillinger
    You need a Withernalls up there mate,
    I fear it may be too late.

    The next time we hear from Slapper may well be in the type of headline normal folk would not open.

    "Huge Westerner found".

  7. #7
    Thailand Expat
    chassamui's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Bali
    Posts
    11,678
    As a certifiable member of the BII (British Institute of Innkeeping), I beg to inform you that i would never tolerate this kind of itinerant behaviour in my establishment,

    This might even wake the Innkeeper from his slumber. Narcotic, somnambulant, soporific and somniferous I may be, but it was always incumbent upon my customers not to wake me with trivia such as pouring ale and considering the change required from a ten shilling note.
    Heart of Gold and a Knob of butter.

  8. #8
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
    withnallstoke's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Last Online
    17-03-2024 @ 11:00 PM
    Location
    The Felcher Memorial Home.
    Posts
    14,570
    Quote Originally Posted by chassamui
    Narcotic, somnambulant, soporific and somniferous I may be
    ,

    Is that like being pissed and stoned and then a dreadlock gives t'you some sort of the white powder fing?

    And you can't sleep, despite the opiates, and sixty fucking hours of previous form?

  9. #9
    En route
    Cujo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Last Online
    24-02-2024 @ 04:47 PM
    Location
    Reality.
    Posts
    32,939
    I was very concerned untill I realized that the title read 'Public', not, 'Out'

  10. #10
    Member

    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Last Online
    10-04-2014 @ 03:22 AM
    Location
    ENGLAND, QATAR, THE PHILIPPINES.
    Posts
    787
    What was the book "War & Peace?'

  11. #11
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Last Online
    13-02-2019 @ 08:26 AM
    Posts
    116
    A book? I you want to read go someplace where you are alone, not a bar or suchlike

  12. #12
    I'm in Jail

    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Last Online
    14-12-2023 @ 11:54 AM
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    13,986
    Fixed that for you

    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke View Post

    "Huge Westerner found near massage parlour with badly abraded penis".

  13. #13
    Member

    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Last Online
    10-04-2014 @ 03:22 AM
    Location
    ENGLAND, QATAR, THE PHILIPPINES.
    Posts
    787
    Mpm
    C’mon now. A bar is an ideal place to read. It stimulates the mental juices and gives inspiration to the likes of Somtamslap. Why, Hemingway wrote “For Whom The Bell Tolls” in a Madrid dive called “the Bull Gahone’s” ” during the Spanish Civil War whilst rat-arsed on local wine and cheese flavored crisps. Bet you did not know that!

  14. #14
    Excommunicated baldrick's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Last Online
    Today @ 11:55 AM
    Posts
    24,744
    Quote Originally Posted by MANICHAEAN
    cheese flavored
    what sort of cheese ? knob smeg ?

  15. #15
    Banned

    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Last Online
    03-06-2014 @ 09:01 PM
    Posts
    27,545
    Quote Originally Posted by Koojo View Post
    I was very concerned untill I realized that the title read 'Public', not, 'Out'
    Evidently, within some circles, public has a much different connotation.

    Intolerant cnuts.

  16. #16
    Thailand Expat
    DrAndy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Last Online
    25-03-2014 @ 05:29 PM
    Location
    yes
    Posts
    32,025
    Quote Originally Posted by MANICHAEAN
    Why, Hemingway wrote “For Whom The Bell Tolls” in a Madrid dive called “the Bull Gahone’s” ” during the Spanish Civil War
    Quote Originally Posted by MANICHAEAN
    Bet you did not know that!
    not suprising as Ernest Hemingway wrote For Whom the Bell Tolls in Cuba, Key West, and Sun Valley, Idaho in 1939. In Cuba, he lived in the Hotel Ambos-Mundos where he worked on the manuscript.

  17. #17
    Banned

    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Last Online
    03-06-2014 @ 09:01 PM
    Posts
    27,545
    Quote Originally Posted by DrAndy View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by MANICHAEAN
    Why, Hemingway wrote “For Whom The Bell Tolls” in a Madrid dive called “the Bull Gahone’s” ” during the Spanish Civil War
    Quote Originally Posted by MANICHAEAN
    Bet you did not know that!
    not suprising as Ernest Hemingway wrote For Whom the Bell Tolls in Cuba, Key West, and Sun Valley, Idaho in 1939. In Cuba, he lived in the Hotel Ambos-Mundos where he worked on the manuscript.
    Ironically, took a fancy to these isolated Idaho locales, as he offed himself in Ketchum, Idaho - alone and broke.

    Tragic anti-hero.

  18. #18
    Member

    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Last Online
    10-04-2014 @ 03:22 AM
    Location
    ENGLAND, QATAR, THE PHILIPPINES.
    Posts
    787
    Ah ha. A few pearls in there!

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •