Same shit, different ship

[malmomike77]

o I zoomed in on the pic and it was a Time magazine. I knew you weren't a nasty little pervert. Crack on.

you don't think he knocked one out?

Saunas are a ightmare, i nearly had a heart attack in my 20s when fit giving my Mrs one.

[DrWilly]

Mendy. When you said you had found an old magazine in that spa I immediately thought it was a copy of playboy or readers wives or some such despicable stuff like that. So I zoomed in on the pic and it was a Time magazine.

He used the time magazine to hide the playboy.

I knew you weren't a nasty little pervert. Crack on.

They don't call him Bendy for nuffkin

[Reg Dingle]

I also discovered that metal-rimmed glasses aren't a great idea in a 100 degree sauna.

[DrWilly]

I knew Reg would see that post as a challenge

[Joe 90]

Tbf thats pretty tame for Reg....

[DrWilly]

Yup, no geeens Reg, up your game!

[dirk diggler]

On the subject of offshore saunas, there was once a guy who went missing on the rig and hadn't checked in for his chopper home.

They sent a search party looking for him and he was nowhere to be seen. This included a muster alarm for a proper headcount and missing person scenario.

Leading to potential man overboard searching the lot.

They eventually found him near passed out in the sauna.

His bollocks had slipped between the bench beams and when he tried to stand up they got twisted and yanked pretty good and swelled up on the wrong side of the slats.

Poor cvunt was stuck there freaking out and melting for hours until they had to get hacksaws and cut away at the bench.

Release your inner German, get a fkn towel down.

[Joe 90]

[DrWilly]

Didn’t have one of those strings with an alarm on it?

[Shy Guava]

On the subject of offshore saunas, there was once a guy who went missing on the rig and hadn't checked in for his chopper home.

They sent a search party looking for him and he was nowhere to be seen. This included a muster alarm for a proper headcount and missing person scenario.

Leading to potential man overboard searching the lot.

They eventually found him near passed out in the sauna.

His bollocks had slipped between the bench beams and when he tried to stand up they got twisted and yanked pretty good and swelled up on the wrong side of the slats.

Poor cvunt was stuck there freaking out and melting for hours until they had to get hacksaws and cut away at the bench.

Release your inner German, get a fkn towel down.

It can happen:

[Mendip]

^ Ha! Thanks for that Shy Guava, I feel duly warned.

I had another sauna yesterday which passed without incident, thankfully.

His bollocks had slipped between the bench beams and when he tried to stand up they got twisted and yanked pretty good and swelled up on the wrong side of the slats.

Didn’t have one of those strings with an alarm on it?

He didn't have underused bollocks the size of mine either!

There is also a bog red emergency stop button in the sauna as well as the alarm chord, but I guess if you're trapped by your balls, out of reach, neither are much use.


Tonight I got up for shift and opened my curtains to see this...



So after a shower I went out to investigate.

This is the Mariner A Platform off our bow, a first appearance for this thread. We're still in the UK Sector sadly but at least I get to see a few new platforms.



But this is what I saw through my cabin window, and what we were working on... the Mariner B FPSO.



We were moving away from the FPSO, surveying a pipeline between Mariner B and A.



From whence we came...



And our destination...



Which we soon arrived at.



While I took these photos I couldn't help but look in at a cabin... guess who lives in there! There is a walkway running around this deck's cabins which is another reason why it pays to keep your curtains drawn.



I later went down to where the action is... again, shoals of coalfish in the protected 500m safety zones. These cause us no end of problems but it's nice to see so many fish... 30 years ago we used to see similar cod shoals but they have long gone. I guess coalfish will go the same way once people get a taste for them, in the absence of cod and haddock.



Some poor bastard will have to look through this data, but I'm off next week so it won't be me. We have a several week backlog of data, so maybe I'll get this project if I return.




My project is ongoing... and I saw a little squid tonight... not a usual sight in the northern North Sea at all. Migrating northwards due to climate change maybe?

[Mendip]

^ I've since discovered that the bunch of white, finger-like things on the port side of this pipeline, in amongst the anemones are in fact squid eggs.

You live an learn.




Dawn...



The Mariner B FPSO off our bows.



FPSO... Floating Production Storage Offloading... the Mariner B FPSO was doing the 'Offloading' part of it's function to a nearby tanker.



Off our stern was the Mariner A Platform.



Mariner was a busy part of the world yesterday.



And more off our port side...

[david44]

Mariner was a busy part of the world yesterday.

Now they've nabbed "Telegram Sam" Interpollit moving on to big time cutlery crime. While lots of reports of knife crime spoonerism often fllies under the radar.

[DrWilly]

It’s a spork.

[Mendip]

^^ It's KLM next week so there won't be any additions to my collection.

Although I may take another 'Breakfast bar' home for Anna, poor thing.


Something else I'll be taking home...

I must be doing something right as they've asked me back again, and they gave me a free fleece!



They're good quality... but how to ruin a good fleece with yet another safety message.

I took a Medium... that's the wife's Birthday present sorted!

[Reg Dingle]

^ That's a Huge looking "medium"

[BLD]

She will grow into it
It's not like she needs one in korat anyway.

[DrWilly]

Is she still growing?

[david44]

Give it to PJ gal in a plane seal envelope , weight and sea

[Mendip]

It's not like she needs one in korat anyway.

You'd be surprised. Once it drops below 30 degrees in December she'll be wrapped up like a bloody Eskimo.

^ That's a Huge looking "medium"

It's a pretty average 'medium' to be honest. It must be hard for you to judge with nothing to compare it to.

I certainly couldn't fit in it.


After shift today I beat the magic 37 minute barrier for my 5km and then had another sauna. I'm doing the gym and sauna pretty much every day and can't for the life of me understand why I don't seem to be losing any weight.



Then I had a bowl of rice pudding that I'd put aside from lunch. When I was a kid we always had rice pudding at home on a Saturday lunchtime and every Norwegian boat I've ever worked on does rice pudding for Saturday lunch. I guess it must be a thing.

The Norwegians cover rice pudding in sugar and cinnamon, stick a huge blob of butter in the middle and then sprinkle raisins on top. I even knew one guy who added sliced salami.

They think I'm weird for adding a bit of milk and a dollop of raspberry jam. Go figure.

[Topper]

I certainly couldn't fit in it.

I don't think that was a question in anyone's mind, TBH.

[Reg Dingle]

I certainly couldn't fit in it.

Dirk's mate managed it
Have you considered cutting the cord and oiling up?

[Mendip]

The lack of mental health care in the UK these days is a real tragedy.


Anyway, this is a monk fish.




Yesterday was spent surveying the OGT Pipeline which transports gas from Oseberg to Heimdal, from where much of the gas carries on it's journey to the St Fergus terminal at Peterheed.

We surveyed in the opposite direction to the gas flow, towards Oseberg to the east.

The calm weather allowed a make and mend day for the ABs who re-painted the helideck.



A couple of trawlers pair-trawling along a nearby pipeline. Each drags a metal trawl board along either side of the pipeline with a trawl net strung between... until they get snagged, of course.



And eventually we arrived at the Oseberg field centre around midnight, another pipeline completed.



Oseberg A has the concrete GBS (Gravity Based Structure) jacket and has been in pace since the late 80s. Oseberg D is behind A, and Oseberg B is to the right. D and B have metal jackets.

This is the view from the east.



It's a busy area on the seabed.



We have a few infield lines to survey while we're here, but then should be away later today.



A view from the west.



Many years ago I had a basket transfer from the Oseberg A helideck, down to the back deck of a small survey vessel.

And very nearly shat myself.

[Mendip]

Oseberg H, by all accounts the world's first fully automated oil and gas platform when it was installed in 2018. The Oseberg field centre in the background.

The Oseberg H cost £606m, and has no living quarters or even a toilet on it

It must need maintenance and a 12 hour shift is a long time to go without even taking a piss. I dare say plenty of workers have just pissed off the side, into the sea.

The Oseberg field centre during a balmy Norwegian Autumn day.



I've been learning a lot from this forum the last couple of days and whereas I don't eat whale, I kind of wish I'd saved a little pot of whale gravy to carry about. I travel home this week and in the absence of any whale blubber it would be good to be prepared for all eventualities.

[DrWilly]

Fish pudding? That sounds disgusting. Do they hate the night shift crew? No wonder you’ve lost weight.