My New Arse Blaster

[somtamslap]

In the land of Porcelain and Poop, the Arse Gun is King

I've just rented a premises which is home to the most feared arse blaster this side of the fucking Sun.
Not only does she administer involuntary but thoroughly comprehensive sessions of colonic irrigation in no more than 2 nano seconds, but would also make an integral piece of equipment to any fire service worth its salt.
If this violent fucker had been around in 1666, The Great Fire of London wouldn't register in the history books and in turn swapped with a more appropriate name like The 'There Was A Fire For About One Fucking Second When A Large Bastard Tidal Wave Put The Whole Fucking City Under Water For Seven Months' of London.
So, assuming I shan't be doing 'as the Romans do' and walking around for the best part of the day with an arsehole full of shit - and I'm buggered if I'm going to throw ten precious baht in the gutter for some tissue paper, which if you merticulously cast an eye over this whole form of anal cleansing is in fact quite primitive too; essentially conducting the mop up with leaves - then I must have to, as a crack addled Yardie might say "Pull Da Trigga An Fire".

"SMACK"

Fuck me if my sphincter, near as dammit, got lodged in my throat.

Now, I can't suffer this. The most sacred part of the morning has been tarnished by an over zealous fecal removing fixture.

Short of going native or tossing baht down the bog for toiletroll - what can I do to solve this?

Is the pressure reducable?

[Thetyim]

Is the pressure reducable?

Yes..

[Mid]

Is the pressure reducable?

yep , get yourself down to your nearest hardware and get a T tap .

[somtamslap]

yep , get yourself down to your nearest hardware and get a T tap .

That sound like I might have to do some plumbing..can't I just buy a new pistol bit and hope it's not as lively?

[The Fresh Prince]

can't I just buy a new pistol bit and hope it's not as lively?

Be careful, some idiot decided to make the fittings for each bum gun a different size for each make and model.

[hillbilly]

yep , get yourself down to your nearest hardware and get a T tap .

That sound like I might have to do some plumbing..can't I just buy a new pistol bit and hope it's not as lively?

Nope. It's the pressure and not the pistol. Mid is right.

[BaitongBoy]

what can I do to solve this?

Grow a longer arm? 555!
Yeah. I know what you mean.
Sometimes I forget when we are on holiday, and the hotel has a turbo-charged unit that will blow you off the bowl...
One time my missus was summoned by a primal 'cojones' scream when I missed the original target!
'Not b'oken,' said after quick evaluation!

[klong toey]

Getting soft in you old age,has your wife had her tongue cut out?.
If not get her to lick it clean.If she is worried about nasty germs tell her to put a condom on it.

[sunsetter]

^ thats dog rough KT, ffs

[somtamslap]

Nope. It's the pressure and not the pistol. Mid is right.

Couldn't I just make a series of pin pricks in the hosing?

If she is worried about nasty germs

I think she'd be more concerened about being blown through the back wall after a prolonged bout of flatulence..

[kmart]

Water pressure is usually higher at night. I've had water pipes blow out of the wall in previous homes.
This can take you a bit by surprise if you take a dump during the night. A bit like riot-control on your ringpiece, or a cold water enema. Guantanamo might be using this tactic for all we know, let's be careful.

[somtamslap]

Guantanamo might be using this tactic for all we know, let's be careful.

Forget Chinese Water Torture and welcome Asian Arsehole Assasination.

[withnallstoke]

Just brush your teeth after you've finished.

[rawlins]

If you curl one out with the right texture and using advanced techniques in sphincter control, you shouldn't need to hose or wipe... Just pull your breeks back up and on your merry way.

[FlyFree]

Is the pressure reducable?

yep , get yourself down to your nearest hardware and get a T tap .

Or, being worried about a few baht, you can just punch a few holes in the pipe. Cover with plasters, remove to control pressure.

Else clean via the mouth.


But on the positive side, you do need some industrial strength cleaner to get all the shit outta you.....

[somtamslap]

If you curl one out with the right texture and using advanced techniques in sphincter control

Easier said than done when your diet consists of sticky rice and rat droppings..

We don't curl in this house, we explode..

[somtamslap]

Just out of interest, does anyone out-of-country have an arse blaster (really unsure of the technical terminolgy for them) in their bathroom? And did you buy it in Thailand or elsewhere?

[aging one]

just squeeze the trigger mate, you dont have to fire off a 200 burst volley. I ran into one a t luxury hotel in Phuket that fired so hard I was shot up to the ceiling.

[hillbilly]

Nope. It's the pressure and not the pistol. Mid is right.

Couldn't I just make a series of pin pricks in the hosing?

That should work...

[klong toey]

^ thats dog rough KT, ffs

Okay had another idea should be more hygienic.A homemade douche.

[somtamslap]

just squeeze the trigger mate, you dont have to fire off a 200 burst volley

It's all or nothing with this beast. Once you hit the biting point there's no turning back - it's a very unforgiving piece of apparatus.

[sabaii sabaii]

Just out of interest, does anyone out-of-country have an arse blaster (really unsure of the technical terminolgy for them) in their bathroom? And did you buy it in Thailand or elsewhere?

Argos do them in the UK

[Bogon]

If you curl one out with the right texture and using advanced techniques in sphincter control, you shouldn't need to hose or wipe... Just pull your breeks back up and on your merry way.

Has anyone ever had a "clean break" whilst living in Thailand?
I remember one in the hot summer of '09 whilst reading a Sky Sports book of football stats.

[somtamslap]

Has anyone ever had a "clean break" whilst living in Thailand?

They are indeed few and far between and usually come after a few days of constipation..and yes, wiping is optional.

[sabaii sabaii]

Has anyone ever had a "clean break" whilst living in Thailand?

Most of the time, eat lots of white bread, rice meat and potatoes, I don't even have to strain

Lay off the chillis

You still got that Sky Sports book of football stats. I'm bored of the Bangkok Trader