Girlfriend's mother has just lost major face

[Bruno]

So, after coming back from the dead, my tgf's brother has recovered from a serious case of blood poisoning which cost the family dearly as he never had medical insurance. Not the first time emergency funds have been accumulated to help him out - although blood poisoning is hardly his fault - but he once knocked of a motorcyclist in his car, whom, threatened to sue his ass unless he could come up with 250,000 baht pronto!

The tgf's mother gave took a loan out with the bank as collateral and my tgf worked in bkk to pay back this debt, taking up a mia-noi role with her thai boss in order to help pay back the bank whilst her brother - well I dont know what his was doing to help pay back his debt! Nevertheless, the debt was repaid (about which point I met her in Bkk for the first time) and never knew this story until recently.

Now, he is well and maybe karma is unkind to him, and decided to become a monk. He is married and works for his wife's mechanic shop for a paltry wage - they are Thai Chinese - and wavered the sinsod in order to procure his cheap services to the family business. My tgf's father died of liver abuse and left the mum on her own now for some time and the Thai-chinese family announced they wanted to throw a big F***k off party in his honour and that she should contribute half - around 25k - towards the cost of this, which is next week.

They know that her daughter is with me, yes a farang, and according to my tgf, they are really using this as an excuse just to see how rich or poor we really are as my tgf's mother rang her up stating that we have to pay 25k.

Trouble is, I don't have it! I have gone back to University and what little money I do earn through my part-time job I divide amongst my needs and that of my other half's. Needless to say, it wasn't good enough for the mother in law and announced my tgf is no longer welcome back home as a result of a major loss of face.

I tried asking my tgf why her brother had not planned ahead and consider this possible eventuality, but that is very much wishful thinking on my part. So now I am stuck with a pissed off mother in-law (of sorts) and a tearful girlfriend who now questions her mother's cursed words of "why are you with a farang if he no money"

Of course when I explain that I am studying in order to get a good paying job, it falls on deaf ears and the damage is now done with regards to this loss of face.

[Jesus Jones]

Welcome to Thailand.

[Kurgen]

Luv it.

Write it down and send it off to one of those Thai soap TV companies, sounds like a winner to me.

Make sure you get caught shagging the sister in law too.

[ItsRobsLife]

Pack your bags now mate.

[Bobcock]

Fuck ém, you shouldn't even explain why, just tell them no.

If you love your GF and want to take it further to seperate her from her family is a good move.

[dirtydog]

If you love your GF and want to take it further to seperate her from her family is a good move.

I don't think he has the finances for that.

[Norton]

my tgf is no longer welcome back home as a result of a major loss of face.

Good news.

[withnallstoke]

taking up a mia-noi role with her thai boss in order to help pay back the bank

Rent her out part time again.

[Stinky]

So now I am stuck with a pissed off mother in-law (of sorts) and a tearful girlfriend who now questions her mother's cursed words of "why are you with a farang if he no money"

Tell the old crow to go take a large fuck to herself, she'll be living in your wallet forever more if you fall for this guilt trip she's laying on the daughter.
You need to set the ground rules, don't let the old hag bully you.
Good luck.

[Loy Toy]

Carrry on with your own life and distance yourself from this family Bruno.

If your girlfriend wants to be a part of your life she will soon prove it to you.

Do not let the things you have absolutely no control over get to you let alone trying to understand it.

[bretby]

Bruno, someone long ago said to me "you can only do your best and if that aint good enough then don`t worry about it".

Don`t be shocked or upset by the pressure that your girlfriend`s family are putting on her as it`s just par for the course. It`s a feeler to see if you will become a walking ATM for them, as they have probably heard that this is the way to go.

Be firm, stand your ground and time will tell if your girlfriend really wants to be with you knowing that you have little funds to spare at the moment.

If the family feel that you are soft then they will never be off your girlfriend`s back with requests for more dosh.

At least by the sound of it you won`t be seeing the family anytime soon.

[reinvented]

plenty more tgf's
tell em to take a flying fuck

[dtalok]

"trouble is i don't have it" theres your solution and you should thank them for showing the true colors early, put your dick back in your pants, and move on,,,,quickly

[Bruno]

Some great advice guys, appreciated!

Of course a few sarcastic ones but you expect that from time to time on a public forum!

I have just spent the last 30minutes taking to her about this problem and it seems the problem thickens. Aside from requesting this money and using the "never darken my doors again approach" she has now stepped it up a notch and said that she will "get a loan from the local mafia if she cant help".. JESUS, they really are hard as nails those rustic Issan mother in law types huh??

This has now put a newer perspective on things for my tgf as not only is face an issue, but the very real threat of a loan shark demanding his cash too. Just for the record, since we have been together just over a year, the mother in-law has never requested money before; no monthly fees; no regular bungs; nothing of this sorts has come up before. So maybe some of you say I am due a payment of some kind as this is the way things are done from time to time and being white just carries that stigma of wealth.

She knows I am studying and money is tight right now so why put this pressure on her to use what little money we have, or even, as she suggested, use that 50k credit she has sitting there, to help. She obviously sees this as money that is accessible and not for emergencys as I would like to keep it.

So, she is in tears, and rightly so. Being told not to come back home and putting her in a really harsh predicament is just awful for anyone to be put in, let alone your own mother. I gave her the advice that we are not in a position to help right now and she really shouldn't take a loan out with no clear way of paying it back and left this with her to mull over; however, tomorrow is another day and my tgf is her own woman so I have made my feelings clear about what 'not' to do and now she must choose which path to take.

Could be a relationship breaker this one so I will keep you informed of the developments..

Didn't one of you say "Welcome to Thailand" ?

[ItsRobsLife]

How long are you studying for and how long do you think money will be tight for you? Who pays the rent? Does she live with you? What are her options if you were to split? I assume that money wasn't such an issue when you first got together. Perhaps it's not just the mother that's trying to force the issue.

[Loy Toy]

My mother-in-law is no longer part of my familes life life and we are better off for it.

Unfortunately she cost us a bundle of money as some members here know about.

If she knows you are studying with limited funds and still demands the money from your lady then best your lady grows up and accepts her mother is no good and she is better off without her.

FFS she has already sold her soul to the devil on her behalf once before and it should end now.

[Thetyim]

If you give in and pay for a party for the brother, which is non essential, and he will probably be back at work soon because he is needed then guess what will happen when money is needed for a more deserving cause.

Don't worry about mum borrowing from a loan shark, that's her decision and not your responsibility.

[Bruno]

How long are you studying for and how long do you think money will be tight for you? Who pays the rent? Does she live with you? What are her options if you were to split? I assume that money wasn't such an issue when you first got together. Perhaps it's not just the mother that's trying to force the issue.

I am doing a Master degree back in the UK and have a while to go until completion, another year at least so could safely assume until this is over, money will be a constant issue. No, before I decided to go back to my studies money was fine, no problems as such, comfortable I would say.

I see where you are going with that last statement but really, if you met her she really isn't the superficial type and that comment about her being a mia-noi may have painted a slight undue picture of her. What I was trying to say was that she was kind of expected to help out her mother and pay back the debt to the bank who is just a constant black hole for her.

[buriramboy]

Let her borrow the money from the mafia then all being well she won't be able to pay it back and get bumped off, financially it costs you nothing to get the end result you desire.

[ItsRobsLife]

So you're in the UK for at least another year.
Is she in Thailand?
Are you paying her rent?
When you say you've been together for a year, how much time have you actually spent together?

[Muadib]

The plot thickens... You might check the chat sites to see if your tgf is making the rounds searching for sponsors with a bit more wherewithal...

[sabang]

Does your sister only have one brother? If she has more siblings, they should be up for some money too.
Did the Mil know about & approve the of 'mia noi' thing? If so, you know exactly where her priorities lie.

If you can't pay, it's as simple as that. Mil had no right to enter such an arrangement without knowing the source of the monies. It's her who has lost face- or will if she admits it to the In-laws. She probably hasn't.

There may be a few reasonable ways to get around this. Or maybe not- if she's as much of a biatch as she sounds (in which case you're well rid of her). One would be to give less money, in line with what you can afford. Another is to be honest with the In-laws, and the Mil stating a max. amount she can contribute. 50K buys one helluva party btw- they certainly do not need to spend near that much. The amount they have 'budgeted' for a party (without consulting you) does raise some red flags actually.

[sabaii sabaii]

Rent her out part time again.

Makes a lot of sense to me if you have tolerated it before


Stop bummin off people and get the dough.

You found the money to get here, and freeloaded off us tax payers with your free education.

Take a leaf outta the moms book and start to keep some face yourself.

But obviously you dont care a fuk for this girl anyhow, or you wouldnt have accepted her sucking off some Thai guy to subsidise yourself

I tried asking my tgf why her brother had not planned ahead and consider this possible eventuality

FFs

[Bruno]

Let her borrow the money from the mafia then all being well she won't be able to pay it back and get bumped off, financially it costs you nothing to get the end result you desire.

And put it down to Karma right? I like your suggestion very much...

Good suggestions here from everybody and I do appreciate them all. I have a feeling that maybe some of you have been in a similar situation, albeit, through your own personal circumstances and its nice to know I am not alone.

It is really out of my hands now and I've made my feelings perfectly clear on the matter. It is really my tgf whom I feel sorry for being put in this divide between logic and her ignorant mother, but without getting too frustrated at her selfish concern of saving face over logic I fear I am on the losing side in a country where culture and face play a big part in this society!

I will gladly notify you all of the developments of this story when I know more myself and see if the advice and logic I have tried to instil in my tgf comes to anything in the morning.

Thanks for all the comments once again!

[Loy Toy]

^ 50,000.00 Baht for an upcountry village piss-up seems to me to be way over the top.

I don't want you to start to doubt your GF but really I am starting to smell a rat.

Have you actually ever met these family members in person?

You say you are learning some serious and personal things about your GF all of a sudden and I am starting to put two and two toghether.