Up Country Karaoke Bars

[somtamslap]

As in farangulated areas it is common place for a flock of young/middle-aged/positively geriatric tarts to meet and greet you at their respective establishments.
Except, here, being tucked away in a far corner of undergrowth as oppose to the sand speckled, tourist filled streets of Pattaya (just speculating, never been, but I'm assuming because of its proximity to sand and water that there is some beach residue on the roads and it's teeming with overweight, lobster red foreign types with pockets full of cold, hard baht) and Phuket, you aren't welcomed with the often whiny and deeply nausiating:

"Hello, where you go, handsome man?"
"Who me? I'm off to get some grammar lessons and I suggest you do the same you fucking retard"

No, here, it goes more lke this:

" You coming in for a fucking drink or what?"

Well, who the fuck was I to refuse such a sweet offer? And who could resist such a fixed pair of eyes, which incidently suggested homicide was pending should I not abide to her wishes.

So with a gulp of trepidation, I stepped into the confines of what could only be described as a dungeon with a television. Also present where a trio of tables, a few stools and a low, half heartedly crafted 'stage'.

Surrounding the televsion were a group of some 4 twenty somethings engrossed in their daily channel 7 fix of over acted shite. On the stage a lady of an age I was unable to deduce, which probably means she was collecting her pension,was crucifying and old Issan classic in the manner of a cat suffering a horrendously bad acid tab.

I was ushered over to one of the tables where I was informed that the only drink available were large bottles of Singha Beer and absolutely nothing else.

Well, I best have one of them then hadn't I now, serving wench.
She went to the fridge, just a shitty old workaday kitchen fridge, the type you keep your salad and ham slices in, and retrieved 2 bottles of beer. Returning to the table, she bit the tops off, handed one to me and necked the other herself.

Once done with hers, she sat there staring at me, willing me to finish my beer and finish it fast. This bitch had a thirst on her.
Alright then you incorrigible goat, get another pair.

After a few more, I decided that due to the feisty behaviour of this young vixen that she might actually be worth bending over.
I cleared it with her pimp, whom came in the form of an obese, wheezing old granny called Barbara or some shit and whisked the temptress off to the cheapest hotel in town.

But alas, I did my usual. After parting with vasts sums of cash, the transactions normally completed before the actual event, I passed out. Woke up alone in a filthy flea ridden cesspit of a room and wished I'd never even fucking well bothered..

Ho hum..another happy ending..

[The Cat]

Any pics?

[somtamslap]

Any pics?

Fraid not..too dark for the likes of my Nokia..

Seedy isn't the word..

[drawp]

Great, certainly you've been to more karaoke bars, please continue with the stories. I really like your writing style, as someone else said it does remind me a bit of a sober Hunter S. Thompson.

[Rigger]

I am band from Karaoke bars

Few of the local ones get pretty full on after midnight

[BobR]

" You coming in for a fucking drink or what?"

That invitation has a certain tone of honesty to it that is quite rare here and somehow strangely attractive.

[somtamslap]

a sober Hunter S. Thompson.

Blimey, he must've been totally spannered, I'll have to get hold of some of his stuff and see if I can nick some material.

somehow strangely attractive.

Yep, up front honesty, alive and well in North East Thailand.

I am band from Karaoke bars

I'm actually on an indefinite ban from going anywhere at the moment. It's done me the world of good.

[WilliamBlake]

Alright then you incorrigible goat, get another pair. After a few more, I decided that due to the feisty behaviour of this young vixen that she might actually be worth bending over.

Interesting how she got younger and more attractive the drunker you became. How DO they do that? I've always wondered...

[somtamslap]

^ Even those who've been beaten to with an inch of expiration with the ugly stick are in with a chance when the ale starts flowing..

[Rigger]

Quote: Originally Posted by Rigger I am band from Karaoke bars I'm actually on an indefinite ban from going anywhere at the moment. It's done me the world of good

Fok did you also get caught with a empty condom packet in your pocket

[grasshopper]

A conundrum. that. Its always perplexed me. The number of fiancees I have loved and left, mmmm.

[somtamslap]

Fok did you also get caught with a empty condom packet in your pocket

Not quite, but it's a harrowing tale which I'm trying to sweep under the little rug in my brain..

[withnallstoke]

but it's a harrowing tale

Thought you buried the hamster remains.

[somtamslap]

Thought you buried the hamster remains.

A burial doesn't automatically erase the memories you know..

[withnallstoke]

Stops the missus finding the evidence though.

[somtamslap]

Nevermind the mrs, this was always about Horrace..

[BobR]

Fok did you also get caught with a empty condom packet in your pocket

Not quite, but it's a harrowing tale which I'm trying to sweep under the little rug in my brain..

Mine was in the glove box of my car, it had 2 out of 3 left. That's when I knew I needed a vasectomy.

[somtamslap]

^ Deny deny deny is the order of the day..THEY AREN'T MINE, SOME FUCKER PLANTED THEM..

[Rigger]

^ Deny deny deny is the order of the day..THEY AREN'T MINE, SOME FUCKER PLANTED THEM

Of course, only real course of action

[nikster]

Do or don't these karaoke joints offer rooms?

In any case a very nice tale I don't think I could top it from my personal repertoire...

[Rigger]

Do or don't these karaoke joints offer rooms

Some do and some dont but most will have some where to take you. Nothing worse than tring to sing a song and your mate is sitting there getting a blow job from some ugly tart for a few hundred baht.
Yes you, you dirty prick if your reading this.

[Gerbil]

Nothing worse than getting a blow job while some dozy twat is trying to sing a song sitting next to you

[Pianoman]

In one such Isaan Establishment I was offered all 7 of the "Working Staff" for the sum total of 6,000 baht, and they offered to pay for the room and include a bottle of Thai Wiskey.... The problem, other than 7 being way past my current abilities, was that they ranged in age from 17 to over 40, with the majority in the upper age range.... The owner said that it was a slow night....

Pianoman

[reispr01]

Nevermind the mrs, this was always about Horrace..

I knew a young girl named Doris
She had a gigantic clitoris
Most people, you see, thought her name was Marie
But her intimates knew her as Horrace

Another great tale from you somtamslap.

If I ever get down there, gonna have to buy you a few beers.

[somtamslap]

If I ever get down there, gonna have to buy you a few beers.

Look forward to it, a night of tone deaf singing might be on the cards..