Thread: Quick Jokes

Dawson mother-in-law joke.

Les and his missus were walking home one night
when they came across the mother-in-law being mugged by 6 guys.
Aren't you gonna go over there and help out, his wife nagged.
Nah he says, 6 should be enough.


the mother-in-law came round the other night
and all the mice jumped onto the traps.

why is a thai brain worth a million baht? never been used.
told to me by a thai.

“I woke up this morning
My woman and my dog were gone
The pick-up truck won’t start again
And I ain’t got no whiskey,
Sure do miss that dog.”

Bloke goes to the docs, "It's strange doc, one day I wake up and feel like Mickey Mouse

and the next day it could be Donald Duck?"

Doctor replies "How long have you been having these Disney spells?"

At least after the 2022 World Cup, Qatar will have some cracking stadiums to stone women in.

Originally Posted by palexxxx

I look forward to when a chicken can cross the road without having its motives questioned.

cannot green until unpaoded but brilliant Sir Les as always

At breakfast, the husband said to his wife,


"What would you do if I won the Lottery?"


"I’d take half and I'd leave you!" she answered, emphatically.


"Great!" he responded, "I won $12 yesterday; here's $6.


Stay in touch."

The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets

As another Cantor seeks a new place to sing for his supper remindee me

“Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.” - José Maria de Eça de Queiroz

The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room

“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.” - Earl Wilson

and for LOS

“I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.” - Steven Wright

Beachten Sie auch während der frühe Vogel den Wurm kann, aber die zweite Maus bekommt den Käse

Early bird gets the worm,but the2nd mouse the cheese

Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were

“When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.” - Norm Crosby

“The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq.”

Dateline Hua Hin

local vet had an accident and broke his leg.

What happened next will haunt me for the rest of my days.

A horse turned up and shot him

An old lady was in the common room of an old folks home when she passed a sad looking little old man. "What's wrong Neville?" she asked. "Doris, I miss sex! All I ever think about is rooting. Rooting!Rooting! Rooting!" exclaimed Neville. "Don't be silly Neville, you're too old to have sex!" "Doesn't mean I don't have feelings. I'd give my left nut if I could get someone to just hold it a little each day!" "Well, I can do that for you Neville" said Doris as she promptly sat next to him and fished out his wrinkled old member.

It became something of a routine between the two as every morning Doris would sit next to Neville and chat about the day, all the while holding on to his c**k.

One morning Doris arrived at their chair only to find Neville sitting next to another woman. A woman who was holding his c**k. Doris was outraged. She screamed "Neville Bartlett, you bastard! What has she got that I haven't got?" Neville squints at Doris and says "Parkinson's disease!"

I was walking the streets of Glasgow the other week and I saw this sign: “This door is alarmed.” I said to myself: “How do you think I feel?” ’ Arnold Brown

What has two arms, two wings, two tails, three heads and eight legs?










Think again








Crusty horseback fucking a duck

“First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.” - Steve Martin

A cement mixer truck collided with a prison van in Pattaya

Public are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals

My Chinese neighbour called out to me this morning - "Lik Mayall no more??"

"That's correct!", I called back. "We've had self-adhesive stamps for some time now!".

I see a man in Arizona has accidentally shot himself in the leg, whilst standing in a queue at Wal-Mart.

I've heard they call that in America, "a selfie".

A Muslim bloke I work with was bragging he had the entire Koran on DVD.

Being interested, I asked him to burn me a copy.

Well, that’s when it all kicked off!