Neither of you have grasped the concept of the "quick joke" have you?
:)
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Neither of you have grasped the concept of the "quick joke" have you?
:)
Are you a slow reader then?
Nothing can introduce you as the biggest dick in the room quite like the iPhone 5 whistle tone.
Australian capital city airport, sun has just set and moon is rising majestically over the ranges:
B737 has just vacated the runway and is taxiing to the terminal.
As the aircraft truns a corner on the taxiway, the (senior sounding) pilot, overwhelmed by the beautiful vista through the windscreen says over the radio, "That's a magnificent moon!".
The ground controller responds with, "Whoops, I didn't think you'd be able to see me from over there".
A lady walked into a Police Station and the desk Sergeant said "Can I help you?"
"Yes" she said, "I'd like to report a case of sexual assault".
"Where did it happen?" the Sergeant asked.
"In the park just down the road" she replied.
"Can you describe what happened?"
"Yes, I was walking along the footpath in the park near the trees when a man jumped out of the bushes and dragged me in there, removed my underwear then he dropped his pants to his knees and had his way with me".
"Could you give me a description of him?"
"Yes, he was wearing white shoes, long white trousers, a white shirt and he had these two big long pads from his feet up to and over his knees, one on each leg".
"Sounds to me like he was a cricketer, most probably a batsman", said the Sergeant.
"Yes", said the lady, "He was an Aussie Cricketer".
“That's very observant", said the Sergeant, "You worked that out from his accent?"
"No", she replied, "because he wasn't in for long."
Today's Short Bible Reading - Genesis
And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the earth. Then He made the earth round, and He laughed and laughed and laughed.
The Australian bobsleigh team have asked the Aussie cricketers for a meeting. They want to know how they went downhill so fast.
A bloke walks into a brothel and says: “I’m a bit kinky, how much for total humiliation?”
The madam replies £60.
“Wow, what do I get for that,” he says.
She says: “A baggy green cap and an Australia shirt.
The British Penny
EU Directive No. 456179
In order to meet the conditions for joining the Single European
currency, all citizens of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and
Northern Ireland must be made aware that the phrase 'Spending a Penny'
is not to be used after 31st December 2013 .
From this date, the correct terminology will be: 'Euronating'.
Thank you for your attention.
The wife asked me what I was doing on the computer last night.
I told her I was looking for cheap flights.
"I love you" she said
We then had the most amazing sex ever, which is odd because she has never shown an interest in darts before.
Tech Joke-
All Samsung Officials Are Withdrawing Their Children From School,
As The First Thing
Children Are Being Taught Is ___
.
.
.
?A for Apple?
I refereed a women's football match yesterday. It was brilliant.
I booked two for muttering under their breath, one for the silent treatment and I sent one off without explanation and left her wondering what she'd done wrong
On a beautiful summer's day, two tourists were driving through Wales .
At Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysili ogogoch,
they stopped for lunch, and one of the tourists asked the waitress,
'Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument for us.
Can you pronounce where we are, very, very, very slowly?'..........
The girl leaned over and said,
'Burrr ... gurrr ... king'
I was going to buy lottery tickets on the way home from work, but I was running late, so in order to save time I decided to throw my money out the window instead.
Hey, me too, I decided to pop into the casino but to save time I just walked up to the door and gave all my money to the doorman and went home.Quote:
Originally Posted by nidhogg
I was in Ft. Myers, Florida the other day and I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that read: “I miss Detroit”.
So, I broke the window, stole the radio, shot out two of the tires, added an Obama bumper sticker and left a note that read, “I hope this helps!”
A guy is walking along Bondi Beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. A genie appears and tells him he has been granted one wish.
The guy thinks for a moment and says, "I want to live forever."
"Sorry," said the genie, "I'm not allowed to grant eternal life."
"OK then, I want to die after the Labour Party balances the budget and stops the boats.
"You crafty little bastard," said the genie.
The son of an illegal immigrant asks his dad, "Dad,what's democracy?""Well, son, that's when the British & Aussies work and weGet all the benefits from it!""But Dad, aren't the British & Australian people unhappyAbout that?""Sure they are son, but that's called 'racism.'"
Just fell off me dinosaur laughing at this one!
A man walks into a crowded local bar in Yarraminga brandishing a
revolver yelling,
"Who's the bastard that's been screwing my wife? "
A voice from the back of the bar shouts back,
"You don't have enough ammo mate!! "
The UK government have agreed to pay over £1 billion to help the Nigerian government join the space race.
To get the money, the Nigerians have to send £200,000 first to cover legal fees...
Still laughing ... :rofl:Quote:
Originally Posted by Neo
:sorry1:
I've just come back from Texas where I went to see Evil Kenivil's cousin, Klu Klux Kenivil. He tried to set a world record by jumping over 12 niggers using a steam roller..
First day back at school in Birmingham , ENGLAND.
The teacher began calling out the names of the pupils :
"Mustafa Al Eih Zeri ?" - "Here"
"Achmed El Kabul ?" - "Here"
"Fatima Al Hayek ? " - "Here"
"Ali Abdul Olmi ?" - "Here"
"Mohammed Bin Kadir ?" - "Here"
"Ali Son al En" , silence in the classroom.
"Ali Son al En" - continued silence as everyone looked around the room .
The teacher repeated the call .
A girl stood up and said , "Sorry, teacher . I think that's me .
It's pronounced Alison Allen."
A judge in the US has ordered a baby's first name to be changed from Messiah to Martin, arguing that the only true messiah is Jesus Christ.
Apparently, he's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy.
Subject: I'm learning Arabic
The current administration wants us to learn more about Muslims and accept them into our culture. So, I'm making a sincere effort to learn to communicate with our Muslim friends and am learning Arabic for the sake of 'cultural diversity.'
This is my first attempt at it. Please forward this to any Arab friends you may have for a critique of my progress.
https://teakdoor.com/Gallery/albums/u...52355/F.U..jpg
^ It's all Greek to me?