Thread: Quick Jokes

"He say at quarter past three he's gonna swim across the river and fuck me till my eyeballs pop out!".

^ Looks legit.

But post the full joke up anyway eh?

I can't it's a visual one.

Had an overdose on Viagra last night. My wife took it really hard

Originally Posted by harrybarracuda

I can't it's a visual one.

I can officially confirm (although I cannot confirm the source for this officialdom) that short jokes are permitted in visual format. In fact, they are encouraged...

^ Think Cujo will be along to lay down a ruling to that soon.

Ah yes...Cujo, the underwear sheriff....

Ah yes - replying to people you profess to have on ignore.

Ah yes, utilizing the tantalizingly-placed "view post" button.....specifically and purposely there to occasionally view a post by some idiot and trollish cvnt I have on Ignore...

^ 5555. And again. Almost too easy.

Harry approached a prostitute and asked, "How much for a blow job ?".
"Hundred Bucks".
"OK", he said and began to jerk off.
"What the hell are you doing that for?"
"For hundred bucks you don't think I'm going to give you the easy
one, do you ?"

A retired four-star general ran into his former orderly, also retired, in a
Manhattan bar and spent the rest of the evening persuading him to come work for
him as his valet. "Your duties will be exactly the same as they were in the
army," the general said. "Nothing to it - you'll catch on again fast."

Next morning promptly at eight o'clock, the ex-orderly entered the ex-general's
bedroom, pulled open the drapes, gave the general a gentle shake, strode around
the other side of the bed, spanked his employer's wife on her bottom and said,
"OK, sweetheart, it's back to the village for you."

"50yrs ago my arse wasnt stuck against an electric fence !"

Originally Posted by Latindancer

Ah yes, utilizing the tantalizingly-placed "view post" button.....specifically and purposely there to occasionally view a post by some idiot and trollish cvnt I have on Ignore...

Technically a short joke.




Sherrif Cujo rules, ok.

Originally Posted by steve down under

"50yrs ago my arse wasnt stuck against an electric fence !"

"Parkinsons!".

Drop her off at the edge of town. If she comes home, don't f*ck her.

No wonder they carry him around in a chair.

Africa there's fucking millions of them.

The last bloke threw up.

Then use Sallys behind.

My dad was a man of few words. I remember him telling me 'Son,......................'

My doctor called me a hypochondriac. That really, really hurt.

Originally Posted by Gazza

My dad was a man of few words. I remember him telling me 'Son,......................'

I still remember my dad's last words: "Fuck me, a bus".

Two goldfish in a tank

One goldfish says to the other "do you know how to drive this fcuker ? "





Will glass coffins be a success ? Remains to be seen.


Booked a table for the wife's birthday next week, really surprised she is so delighted, I dIdn't even know she liked snooker.



Q: How to you kill a blue elephant?
A: With a blue elephant gun.

Q: How do you kill a red elephant?
A: Choke it until it turns blue, then kill it with a blue elephant gun.



Mummy, Mummy why do the other children call me a werewolf ?

Shut up, Roger, and comb your face !



Old woman being examined by a doctor:

"Have you ever been bedridden ?"


"Yes and I've been table ended and backscuttled a few times too."



- Doctor, something tingles behind my ear when I lick the foil in which potatoes have been baked. What does it mean?

- It means that you have too much spare time.