HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRYSTUDENT


The following is an actual question given on a University ofWashington chemistry midterm The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor sharedit withcolleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we nowhave thepleasure of enjoying it as well: Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) orendothermic(absorbsheat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle'sLaw (gascools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) orsome variant. One student, however, wrote thefollowing:First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. Sowe need toknow the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and therate atwhich they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that oncea soulgets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls areleaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at thedifferent religions that exist in the worldtoday. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member oftheir religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one ofthese religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion,we canproject that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death ratesas theyare, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume inHell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperatureand pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has toexpand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives twopossibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at whichsouls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell willincrease until all Hell breaksloose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of soulsin Hell,then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hellfreezes over So which isit? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshmanyear that,"It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," andtake intoaccount the fact that I slept with her last night, then numbertwo mustbe true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermicand hasalready frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell hasfrozenover, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls andis therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby provingthe existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresakept shouting "Oh myGod."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.