Great thread. About 5 or so years ago we did most all of the places you mention, but the waether was better so we made Ha Long. Loved every minute of the place.
Stayed in the old quarter at $30 a night with ensuite (on Hang Bac street I believe it was), but was told by a tour guide I paid too much.
Shame Uncle Ho was away, as the regimented control of the queues for viewing was an experience in itself.
The only pussy/fanny I saw (aprt from the old girl) were the gorgeous girls on the big and expensive scooters, but I have a feeling that they had their own Uncle Ho looking after them.
The currency was a nightmare to keep track off, far too many zeros involved!