A hairy arsed bus driver's outlook on the UK

[Saint Willy]

I'm confused, is this thread your outlook on life, or just a few newspaper clippings?

[David48atTD]

I'm confused, is this thread your outlook on life, or just a few newspaper clippings?

The life of a Bus Driver?

Multi-facilitated.

[cyrille]

Multi-facilitated.

[panama hat]

^ You don't know, cyrille, David could be right . . .

[cyrille]

True.

'A stopped clock' and all that.

[David48atTD]

^ ^^ ^^^ ... tough audience!

[beerlaodrinker]

Im about 3 sheets to the wind and was feeling pretty jolly and lovin life until i stumbled upon this fred by my ole mate dill...depressed now.

[Dillinger]

^ is it that bad?
Stay tuned, it picks up on the school run in a bit

I'm confused

Did you get that pickled egg recipe?

[Edmond]

Backspin's stuff aside, how is everything going on back there, seems you've been back almost 5 years already, and are well settled in to the job and the life of Blighty. Reckon you'll keep going with it until retirement age and come back to Thailand, or sooner than that, or reckon you'll stay there?

[Reg Dingle]

^Settled back here now... I've done my Thai retirement already.
And will be paying for that another 40 years but it was an amazing time. The wife has mentioned ending up there a few times but the thought of living on some rice plantation in the blistering heat in the arse end of Nakhon Nowhere drinking Leo and eating her jungle food petrifies me

There's a 130 million pound jackpot on the lottery tonight, so you never know. Might get an Italian wife

[Edmond]

If you need a wedding singer.....

[Joe 90]

I've done my Thai retirement already.

Enjoy it while you're young!

Don't regret a moment of my twenties globe trotting around the planet and the memories keep me warm in my mid life.
However, I do intend to grow old disgracefully in the not to distant future.
I reckon I've earned it over the last 20+ years of work and family sacrifice.

[cyrille]

I do intend to grow old disgracefully in the not to distant future.

Colostomy bag playing up again?

[Mendip]

The wife has mentioned ending up there a few times but the thought of living on some rice plantation in the blistering heat in the arse end of Nakhon Nowhere drinking Leo and eating her jungle food petrifies me

Korat Chef delivers.

If you change your mind, I could do with a Ya Dong drinking buddy at some point.

I don't see why I should do it alone for the duration.

[DrWilly]

Run Dill!

[baldrick]

You could share a gardener

[taxexile]

Colostomy bag playing up again?

that post made me shiver, and took me back 4 years almost to the day, to before a big abdominal surgery i underwent for a nasty disease called pseudomyxoma peritonei.

i had been in hospital for 3 days being prepared for this surgery and on the night before the op. a miserable looking rat faced nurse came in to my room, announcing herself as the stoma care nurse, i had been told that depending on what they found once i was opened up, i might need one of these awful bags, this disease produces multiple tumours, outside the abdominal organs, but inside the abdomen, that cannot be seen on scans and may or may not be malignant, there is a lot of uncertainty until the quacks can actually see for themselves, and this nurse had brought one along to show me how they worked, how they were attached and the dietary adjustments i would have to make in order to preserve my dignity when out and about.

she had a small black case marked NHS STOMA DEMONSTRATION and opened it up to reveal the horrors within. leaflets describing stoma bags, large tubes of vaseline, rubber gloves, wet wipe things, elastic belts and then the bag itself. a fist sized rubbery thing with a gaping orifice in a depressing NHS beige colour. just what i needed to see the night before my op.

after explaining the procedures involved in removing, emptying, cleaning and reattaching, all delivered in an emotionless empathy free diatribe in a black country accented monotone she then took out a ruler and big felt tip pen and proceeded to measure me on both sides and draw a couple of big circles, telling me it could be on the right side or the left side, depending on what they find and what they have to remove and after the obligatory " do you have any questions?" off she went, leaving me with even more to worry about as i struggled to get to sleep.

thankfully, my bowel was spared, the bag was not needed, and my disease was not malignant, but that nurses visit haunts me to this day, and the mere mention of "the bag" sends a cold shiver down my spine, and i never make jokes about colostomy bags, although i do call keith starmer keith stoma.

[DrWilly]

and i never make jokes about colostomy bags, although i do call keith starmer keith stoma.

You

Are

So

Witty.

[BLD]

He's a colostomy bag of a man willy.