Bedtime reading: On the trail of the Gruffalo

[somtamslap]

If you have young children and aren't familiar with the Gruffalo books then shame, great shame on you. Unfortunately there are only two books available at the moment so, after a hike through my local nature reserve with the kids, I was inspired to complete the trilogy.

Please share with your rugrats.

Their feedback is invaluable.

*Ahem*

Amid rolling moorland in Britain's south-east
Lurked a terrible monster, a frightening beast

As big as a bus and stronger than steel
He made crocodiles cower and elephants squeal

A fiend like this does exist you know
There is such a thing as a Gruffalo

A Gruffalo hunter set out one morn
Once he'd finished his booze and run out of porn

He entered the moorland and trekked on a trail
He walked and he walked, up hill and down dale




The hunter grew weary, this was a chore
But he rounded a corner and suddenly saw...

A print in the mud, my oh my, could it be?
"A Gruffalo paw mark!" He shouted with glee



With a spring in his stride he continued his charge
He didn't care if the critter was large

He'd slay it with ease, but what the fuck's that?
Batten down the hatches, it's Gruffalo scat!



Slightly perturbed by the size of its shit
The Gruffalo hunter thought he might split

And passing some ashes he had quite the hunch
That the big bastard Gruffalo had just eaten lunch




"Man up! Stay tough!" thought the Gruffalo hunter
"Go on and get him, get busy ya kunt ya!"

He scoured the landscape so barren and void
The Gruffalo hunter was getting annoyed



Kicking his heels, he now had the proof
That the 'big bad Gruffalo' was a big fucking poof

Best to head home, perchance to wank
But as usual he drank, and he drank... and he drank

[Neo]

[kingwilly]

Where the Fuck is the gruffalo?

[Chittychangchang]

Whet the Fuck is the gruffalo?

Very popular at the children's library..

[withnallstoke]

Gruffalo hunter, what a nasty old queer.
Only raging shifters drink French faggit beer.

Mind how you go when you're out in the grass.
The camouflaged gruffalo will sneak up on your ass.

In one quick swift motion he'll have your pants down.
The gruffalo enjoys going straight up the browm.

[Neverna]

Gruffalo doubters, look out for them here.
Typing on keyboards, and drinking warm beer.

We know Gruffs exist, just can't find the proof
Don't listen to doubters, 'cuz doubters are poofs.

[somtamslap]

Gruffalo hunter, what a nasty old queer.

'cuz doubters are poofs.

This bizarre notion that Gruffalo hunters are poofs?

Who you gonna call when you got a fucking Gruffalo squatting in your garden shed?

Coz you sure as shit ain't getting that fucker out yourself.

[Latindancer]

Try the Kronenburg 1664 Blanc, mate. You'll see entirely different creatures.

[somtamslap]

The Gruffalo's henchman were out in full force

Our fearsome hunter shat it, and hid in the gorse



Spotted in leafy Surrey.

A terrible fucking asp.

[thaimeme]

Poor old Gruffalo.
Creating mean-spirited myths, when actually they're quite lovely.

There's no such snakes in Surrey.....

[somtamslap]

Kronenburg 1664 Blanc

Never seen it. And you're speaking to a chap who spends much of his spare time down the alcohol aisle.

when actually they're quite lovely.

You wouldn't be saying that if you'd just copped an eyeful of Gruffalo scat. Twas a smouldering mound of hate.

[Latindancer]

It's a lovely drop. Try to hunt it down....it has TWO aftertastes...citrus and fruit. But they're not too strong or too sweet. A superb neck oil.

I thought it was a bit hard to get here, till when I enquired and they said that whenever they get a case, some bugger comes in and buys the lot.

[somtamslap]

I thought it was a bit hard to get here

Definitely never seen it in the UK. Shall keep 'em peeled.

[Dapper]

My youngest loved the gruffalo.

Sequel of Where The Wild Things Are

Heavily borrowed anyway.

[yortyiam]

very funny ! O P>

[mingmong]

That first picture of the Dirt Track gave it away, another Drunken Gay thread ?

wot next,