The daily grind:England vs Isaan

[somtamslap]

Southeast England - 6am: The sound of the alarm is unpleasant. Ear drum buggery. Generic alarm tones were composed in Hades by Lucifer's backstair spawn.
BBC Breakfast TV. "....and here's Carol with the weather." Enlighten us Carol. "...a band of low pressure bringing intermittent showers throughout the week..." Wipe that smirk off your face, Carol. You are my least favourite person on the planet, Carol. Including the minister of transport, Carol.

Change channel.

Good Morning Britain. Susanna Reid. Those legs. That filthy grin. Seismic underpant activity. Shall I? I suppose I could work one into my morning bathroom duties. Not enough time. Balls fit to burst. No, yes, no, yes, no...yes...no. Get off the fucking television Reid, you callous slut.

Change channel.

BBC2. Documentary. Cheese making in the 17th Century. Peace at last.


Northeast Thailand - 6am: The cocks are restless. They don't sleep, ever. Their incessant shrieks of blue murder perpetually permeate the barnyard. The deep-seated hatred I habour for them will result in either mass murder or a massive stroke. I'm awake...

Hangover. Pounding head. Mouth like molten pig manure. Fundamental motor skills dubious. Do the day or let the day do you. Top-up urgently required. Motorcycle. Local Shop. Professional peasant croons broken ballad. Drink. Drink. Drink. Vomit in ditch. That's better.


Southeast England - 8am: The hamster begrudgingly re-enters the wheel. Bus. Standing capacity 14. Ding. Ding. Misuse of the stop button. Sniggers from the teenage contingent on the backseat. Overweight, borderline obesity. Standing capacity 4 with an armpit in the face. Tourettes sufferers. Kunt on a loop. Morning is broken.

Train. "This service is full and standing." Quelle surprise. Iphones brandished amid the melee. Can't you leave that fucking thing alone for just two seconds. It's like Dixons on wheels in here. Hide behind copy of the Metro and scan the sport pages. Liverpool for the league. Liverpool are shit. Man City for the league. Ryan Giggs had sexual relations with my great aunt's pet badger. David Moyes exiled in south Paraguay with a harem of guinea pigs.

Croydon. Blood on the pavement. Ganja in the air. Pubs full at 9am.

Northeast Thailand - 8am: Drink. Drink. Vomit. Sticky rice. Boiled egg. Water. Not doing that again. Until the next time, anyway.

[Rural Surin]

อีสานในใจของคุณ......

[somtamslap]

Just for the record.

Carol...


Reid...

[wasabi]

Oh Carol, was that a Rolling stones hit.
My friend fell for a Carol , deadly she was and I remember visiting him in a Military Physcology hospital, along with his Dad, who phoned Me up to support him. on this visit.
He made a full recovery.

[somtamslap]

Wasabi. You live in England.

Carol. Hot or not?

[wasabi]

The problem was that his dick ruled his brain.
He was a Chopper gunner, never told Me about that until years later, He was just happy to see a familiar face.

[Dillinger]

^do you have alzheimers ?

[blue]

Do you travel to work today, only to find out it's May day blank holiday?
or did you just forget to turn the alarming clock off ...

I was having a good day 'till this 20 something Japanese ? Chinese ? girl
wearing short skirt, nicely pattern tights and a lovely smile, stopped to ask me for directions ...
Thanks for reminding me I'm getting on for 140 years old and those days are a little bit behind me .

Never mind It's Game of Thrones day

[wasabi]

Thank you Doctor.

[somtamslap]

^do you have alzheimers ?

I think Wasabi is partial to a pint of scotch with his dinner.

Do you travel to work today, only to find out it's May day blank holiday?

No, just my usual commute unless I get on the bicycle.

Never mind It's Game of Thrones day

Saving that. And the snooker's on.

[wasabi]

^do you have alzheimers ?

Funny as fuck.
Everbody knows something

[wasabi]

Every detail is sent to GOD, on here.

[cdnski12]

Those F**king Roosters drove me nuts in Issan! Bastards started @ 3am, GD Dogs Barking @ 4:30am and finally Village Chief Jan-Dee doing his 7:00am, amplified shout ... "SAWADEE BAN DUNGWATTANA"! But I was usually groggily awake by that time. The morning joys of village life. I will admit the tinkling Wat bells @ 3am to arouse the rigorous monks, were appealing.

[Smug Farang Bore]

On the piss till 9 30 am, pissed as a kunt...

Village life.

In the piss till 9 30 am, pissed off as a kunt...

Croydon life.

[somtamslap]

pissed off as a kunt...

Especially when it's wet and overcast...aka, now.

[david44]

I'm saving up to by you a half of Shandy on the Walligton Riviera, pm your breast size The John Jackson,O,Neills or Shiverspoons they're equally vile,like offering paddy 3 spades of the wall of the fridge and saying take your pick.

I am afraid my pervery pass won't work on the archaic Croydon tram and I'm still hiding from Shirley from Purley.

[somtamslap]

O,Neills or Shiverspoons they're equally vile

Yes, David. This is correct.

[Bower]

Slap, the sun is shinning, i still sell good ale, Brighton Festival is on, people are happy here, you could visit ?
If you feel your missing life in Los, the Bangkok Ladyboys tent is just 300 yds from my pub !

[withnallstoke]

the Bangkok Ladyboys tent is just 300 yds from my pub !

Has slap arrived yet?

[Bower]

the Bangkok Ladyboys tent is just 300 yds from my pub !

Has slap arrived yet?

[Necron99]

Arrived yet? He marked out the pegs for the tent....

[MANICHAEAN1]

Into Hatfield this morning after the rain stopped. Mr Patels for the newspaper, Polish deli for some ham and rollmops, Chinese supermarket for bean sprouts, the Pakistani halal shop for an advocado and the Nigerian butchers for oxtail. By Harry it's great to be back in the old country.

[somtamslap]

i still sell good ale

I'm there.

the Bangkok Ladyboys tent is just 300 yds from my pub

I'm most definitely there! Keep those chaps smouldering hot.

But yes, I will be there mate at some point over the summer, most definitely.

By Harry it's great to be back in the old country.

Speaking of which. Harry Potter. ITV. Hermione Granger not worth a wank yet.

Three cans of Oranjeboom and the last series of Lost. It's all go.

[blue]

Three cans of Oranjeboom and the last series of Lost. It's all go.

I'm just watching series 1 , I just wait for the moments they are back in the plane; how I love that slow mournful ''ding ding'' sound followed by the plane breaking up.

I'm not racist or nothing BUT
I don't much like that long haired wog that's being given a role of mr clever -a polar bear better get him soon .


Anyone in London should be out hunting that skull cracking escape convict fake gun/ hammer maniac , not poncing about in wetherspoons.

[somtamslap]

I'm just watching series 1

My heart goes out to you. A month or so of strangely compelling confusion and misery awaits.