It may sound something of a no-brainer, but the most prominent difference between the U.K and southeast Asia is the weather.
The latter region is a raging basin of fire and brimstone. An area in which the heat and humidity are unrelenting to the point of causing large segments of the populace to become, for want of more politically correct terminology, absolutely fucking useless.
The former, on the other hand, is snared under a blanket of indifferent drizzle. The grey skies and bitter northeasterly gusts which perpetually patter fastidiously trimmed privet hedges, make for a nation peppered with miserable old kunts.
There lies the quandary. Does one plump to reside amidst the painstakingly useless or the desperately miserable?
Either way, I'm currently taking advantage of the British climate in terms of increasing my fitness levels.
I've now been here for the best part of two months and I can honestly say I've done more walking in the past eight weeks than I did in a decade spent in Thailand. I've also taken to cycling to work. A good 35 kilometre round trip, five days a week.
Initially the biking hurt. It hurt to the point where I thought my thighs were on the brink of bursting into fucking flames. I even, at a lower ebb whilst traversing Col du Twat which sadistically loiters towards the middle of the ride, shed a couple of tears. And of course, being a rather portly fellow, my underpants invariably end the journey saturated in much perspiration.
So we've had the sweat and tears, now lets focus on the blood.
Last week I was feeling fit. I was able to maintain an average speed of a good 20 mph, and the ascents which had previously caused me so much distress were effortlessly devoured. But it was on a stretch of road in south London between Coulsdon and Croydon where I came unstuck. Approaching a set of traffic lights at speed, I decided to bypass them in order to keep my momentum, and hop up onto the pavement.
Terrible fucking move.
The front wheel jammed into the curb and I was launched over the handlebars and onto the pavement, bike-less. Thankfully I was wearing a helmet because I just about landed on my fucking head whilst scraping both hands along the concrete.
I stood up a bloody mess, causing one motorist to inquire, and I quote, "Fuck me, mate. You alright?"
"Your concern is much appreciated, kind squire", I replied, "but it appears I am relatively unscathed - apart from this fucking hole in my hand....."
Bradley Wiggins eat yer heart out....