Thread: Those "OMG! I would never see/do this at home" moments

Originally Posted by ChiangMai noon

is life as shite as you thought it would be?

Certainly different!

Originally Posted by Scooter

Certainly different!

Indeed. Hi ho silver!

Screaming metal crash. Ripping through me… Then nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Then blurry voices

“are you okay?”

“do I look okay?”

“no man you look pretty fucked up.”

“shit.”

I hear the sound of dripping and see a slim line of dirty thick scarlet crawling along the edge of torn steel like a worm trying to slide along a semi blunt razor. Blurry fuckers in a blurry neon distance are taking pictures with their mobile phones. I am the show. I know I’m in two places but it still feels real. Beyond real. Because in real life this doesn’t happen. This only happens in other people’s world or in books or on TV. I don’t belong in this show. I don’t speak or move because doing either would put me in the show even more. I don’t want a speaking part.

“where’s Ian man?”

“he’s still in the fucking car.”

“holy fuck… what the fuck man… we need to get him out…”

“wait for the ambulance man… they’ll know what they’re doing.”

“what about jenny?.......... what about jenny…….”

“just fucking look man…. what do you think?”

Just fucking look… Just fucking look… Jenny isn’t here… All that’s here with me is this dummy from a horror film covered in fake blood. Jenny isn’t here… I want the other place now. I don’t want to see this.

And here I am in a nice clean room in Asoke Place with some girl next to me. She’s pretty and naked and brown and young and she doesn’t give a fuck about me and that’s fine because who wants to be given a fuck about? That’s where nightmares begin.

I get this dream a lot. The details never alter. And it’s not my conscience. It was Jenny driving. It was those fucking hippy knobs who caused the crash by skidding across the road like boy racers. I was just a passenger. I was just along for the ride. I’m awake now. Forget it.

I go to take a piss and the girl says “Where you go?”

I don’t answer her. Maybe she thinks I’m going to take off without paying. Let her think it. I watch my piss turn the water gold and then look in the mirror. The scar is still there. It isn’t big but it’s there. Three pale inches over my right eyebrow. Nothing at all. Not really. Not much to show for having cheated death. In my mind I hear the screaming metal echoes. Scraping edges of steel. Tearing sheets of tin like the car crying out in pain. Shut up!

Back into the room the girl throws a pillow at my face. She has the prettiest tits and the narrowest eyes.

“Why you scare me?”

“Sorry.”

“What you think?”

“Nothing. Nothing at all.”

I go and look out the window at the coloured lights below. A stall selling yam mamuang. A girl in a silken robe hands over a note as the music pumps and the colours from the nearest bar dance on the wet ground. The Soi Cowboy is so fucking beautiful that on a good night it can make you forget everything.

“kit tung na…” Says the girl… She misses me… And I look at her childish pout and it works… It’s the simplest and most obvious things that work the best... I go to the bed and lean over her and she puts her slim arms around my neck and kisses me on the mouth like she loves me and I kiss her back and slowly feel my nightmares dissolve like they were never there.

Originally Posted by November Rain

I've never even seen a badger or snake in the wild in UK.

Never seen a snake in the UK but nearly ran a badger over once in Biggin Hill stupid thing ran out in front of me, big it was would have done a lot of damage to my car!