I could use some advice on telling if this woman I met is a good girl

[JungleRaven]

I'll start by apologizing if this is the wrong spot? New to this board, and didn't see a better forum. I've only posted in the Newbie forum and the Language forum before today.

Quick background on me. I'm a semi-retired software dev from the US that just spent some time in Thailand in April (2nd visit) and also visited Vietnam and Bali. I love Thailand, and am thinking seriously of moving there for a few years. I might work on a software startup I idea that I have, or I might even teach English (just to use a different part of my brain for a while, I don't mind if the pay is a lot lower than what I'm used to, I can always go back to software later).

Anyway, since I was planning to come in October for 8 weeks to take a CELTA class (4 weeks) and see more of Thailand, I decided to join Thai Cupid to lay the groundwork of knowing some women before I travel there. I focused on women over 30, that have bachelors degrees, and have professions (nurses, teachers, marketing executives, etc) and I had a handful of woman that I was chatting with on a regular basis (most daily) -- in fact -- I had more than I could handle (I'm not good a juggling) so I decided to narrow my focus down to 4, then to 2, and then decided there was just 1 that I liked best, in fact, so much, that I've booked a trip in June to see just her. As politely as I could, I let the others know that I had decided to focus on one with whom I felt the greatest connection. Most of them were very nice in return, and appreciated my honesty about my situation.

Now, here is my issue. I have some red flags about this woman now. She owns her own business (I don't want to say exactly what kind for the sake of her privacy) but it is in the same ballpark as nursing, but she has a private practice -- similar to a private small business that a pharmacist or optometrist might have.

The red flag that has surfaced, is that she occasionally tells me out of the blue "some friends and I are going to Ko Chang for 2 days", or that she and some other friends had planned to go to Vang Vieng (Laos). She did send me a bunch of photos of her in Ko Chang, but only with one other girl friend -- making me wonder who the other "friends" where.

What I'm wondering, is -- do Thai "good girls" travel like that to what I think of as tourist destinations? Vang Vieng in particular, I think of as a destination for drunk western backpackers -- from what I've read about it. (She actually invited me to go with her on that trip when I'm in Thailand in June).

I'm starting to wonder if she is some kind of part time "holiday girlfriend" but isn't admitting this to me. I'm really not looking for a holiday girlfriend.

I'm starting to think I should not have made June plans with just one person, but should have made an effort to meet a few of the women I had been chatting with -- but I was trying to be a good guy -- and I had thought I was chatting with a good girl.

If I decide to change my plans now and meet more than one of these women on this trip, just for coffee or street food, so that I can get a better vibe from them in person and not just through video skype -- is there a polite way to manage this? Will they become outraged if they discover I might not be just meeting them on this trip?

Curious what the experienced guys in Thailand think?

Just to be clear, I'm not coming there to get laid. I can get laid all I want in the US. I'm coming to Thailand because I think the country is amazing, and I'd seriously like to live there for a few years. Now, if I hit if off with one of these women, then great. But I'm not looking for a bar girl or holiday GF, and I'd prefer to avoid them (no offense to guys that like bargirls and holiday GFs... just not my thing).

[DrB0b]

If she has friends and leaves her home occasionally she's clearly a filthy, filthy whore. You need to find yourself an isolated loner, a complete misanthrope, ideally somebody with no friends, strong religious feelings and a large gun collection. If she lives in a compound rather than a house or a condo that's even better. Hopefully she would have her own manifesto. Thinking about it maybe you should head off to Montana rather than Thailand. In the short term perhaps a woman with a penis would be more to your taste?

What I'm wondering, is -- do Thai "good girls" travel like that to what I think of as tourist destinations?

You may be better off staying in your basement, I don't think you're ready for the normal world just yet.

[harrybarracuda]

Well on the bright side if she owns a clap clinic she'll be able to treat you for the diseases she gives you that she picks up travelling around as some bloke's shag.

[billy the kid]

I'd seriously like to live there for a few years.

Plenty of time to find one then. Or she will find you. To be sure.

[wasabi]

^ sound advice, plenty of time

[JungleRaven]

If she has friends and leaves her home occasionally she's clearly a filthy, filthy whore. You need to find yourself an isolated loner, a complete misanthrope, ideally somebody with no friends, strong religious feelings and a large gun collection. If she lives in a compound rather than a house or a condo that's even better. Hopefully she would have her own manifesto. Thinking about it maybe you should head off to Montana rather than Thailand. In the short term perhaps a woman with a penis would be more to your taste?

What I'm wondering, is -- do Thai "good girls" travel like that to what I think of as tourist destinations?

You may be better off staying in your basement, I don't think you're ready for the normal world just yet.

Not sure I understand the reason behind the hyperbolic hostility to my question. The issue isn't that she has friends and travels, the issue is that they are traveling to western tourist party destinations, especially V.V.

[JungleRaven]

I'd seriously like to live there for a few years.

Plenty of time to find one then. Or she will find you. To be sure.

No doubt. But I already booked a ticket for this June, and so I'm trying to discern the character of this person, or decide if I should make plans to meet more than just this person on my June trip.

[wasabi]

Well how I would play it out is meet this woman, ask her to show you around, have a holiday with her, then return home single.
Only when you live full time in Thailand meet lots of other Women, and then that experience will help you to be more decerning.

[JungleRaven]

Well how I would play it out is meet this woman, ask her to show you around, have a holiday with her, then return home single.
Only when you live full time in Thailand meet lots of other Women, and then that experience will help you to be more decerning.

Thanks. So then, you'd not try to meet the others on the same trip? I'll be there for 3.5 weeks.

I'd prefer to just spend the time with this one, but some of these red flags are starting to give me pause.

So I've thought of meeting some of the others now, but as I wrote, I suck at juggling and I don't want to offend any of them by letting them find out that they are not the only ones I'm meeting on this trip.

[DrB0b]

If she has friends and leaves her home occasionally she's clearly a filthy, filthy whore. You need to find yourself an isolated loner, a complete misanthrope, ideally somebody with no friends, strong religious feelings and a large gun collection. If she lives in a compound rather than a house or a condo that's even better. Hopefully she would have her own manifesto. Thinking about it maybe you should head off to Montana rather than Thailand. In the short term perhaps a woman with a penis would be more to your taste?

What I'm wondering, is -- do Thai "good girls" travel like that to what I think of as tourist destinations?

You may be better off staying in your basement, I don't think you're ready for the normal world just yet.

Not sure I understand the reason behind the hyperbolic hostility to my question. The issue isn't that she has friends and travels, the issue is that they are traveling to western tourist party destinations, especially V.V.

They are not Western tourist party destinations, they are tourist party destinations. My hostility to you comes from the fact that you, like so many westerners, seem. incapable of understanding that foreigners enjoy exactly the same kind of tourist bullshit we do. You come across as another one of those idiots who apply standards to foreigners different to those you apply to yourself.


The only red flags I see here are those that indicate that you are yet another needy man-child who's messed up long before getting on the plane. Never mind, you're in good company here.

[JungleRaven]

I had more than I could handle (I'm not good a juggling) so I decided to narrow my focus down to 4, then to 2, and then decided there was just 1 that I liked best, in fact, so much, that I've booked a trip in June to see just her. As politely as I could, I let the others know that I had decided to focus on one with whom I felt the greatest connection. Most of them were very nice in return, and appreciated my honesty about my situation.

Now, here is my issue. I have some red flags about this woman now.

If you hadn't blown off the other three and put all your eggs in one basket before you even met any of them you would be ruminating about this now.

You've seen red flags. Don't be lazy. Move on, get back on the dating site, and find another one, or preferably four. Skip the pointless chivalry, meet each of them for a drink. There's no shame in doing that.

I didn't blow them off. 4 out of 5 of them understood, and still want to stay in touch as friends.

The only one that seemed irritated was the one that was trying to get me to tell her how many other women I was chatting with, and got possessive when I told her she wasn't the only one.

As to the red flags... do you agree those are red flags for somebody that I thought or hoped was a "good girl"? I'm not a player, and not looking to play games.

[JungleRaven]

They are not Western tourist party destinations, they are tourist party destinations. My hostility to you comes from the fact that you, like so many westerners, seem. incapable of understanding that foreigners enjoy exactly the same kind of tourist bullshit we do. You come across as another one of those idiots who apply standards to foreigners different to those you apply to yourself.

You are right I suppose, it isn't just western tourists in V.V. I've read it has become really popular with Chinese tourists as well.

But how many Thais from Thailand go to V.V. to ride ziplines and drink while floating down the river on intertubes?

You seem to be lumping me in with old generalizations you've created over the years. That is called projecting. Maybe you are the man-child?

I'm just trying to ask some honest questions about the kinds of single women in Thailand that would want to go to V.V. for a vacation.

[snakeeyes]

Welcome to Slapper town ,

[billy the kid]

[QUOTE="JungleRaven"] I thought or hoped was a "good girl"?

Dangerous. Don't believe what you think.

[Bower]

Why not just take your holiday to Thailand and roll with it. Why do you need pre arranged 'dates' with a Thai women.

[DrB0b]

But how many Thais from Thailand go to V.V. to ride ziplines and drink while floating down the river on intertubes?

Inner tubes. Many. The TAT will happily provide you with all the details you require.

I'm just trying to ask some honest questions about the kinds of single women in Thailand that would want to go to V.V. for a vacation.

There are two answers here. The first is "any Thai woman who wants to and can afford to" and the second is "what kind of immature sexist, racist bigot believes that's even a valid question".

That is called projecting

It's called telling you the truth and it sounds like it's about time too.

[billy the kid]

Why do you need pre arranged 'dates' with a Thai women.

yea this on-line dating shit is getting out of hand. Where's the adventure, the hunt ....

not called the flesh market for nowt good reason. Always in season.

[fishlocker]

I want to be the man child, zipping VV, drinking beer lao while sunning on a tube.

But alas no do overs for the fish. I'll be in the basement chatting on some silly forum with bedridden has beens.

Just kidding folks. My point is only one life to live. Make the most of it while you can. When rolling the dice 6&8 are safe bets. I take odds and also play the field.

Find a gal that is into museums and art galleries. Stay out of the bar if not looking for a bar girl. But you already know this. Good luck.

Just pop back in about six months to start a house building thread on mils farm. That would be so lame.

Only a fool would do something like that. Hey, wait a minute. Note to self....... never mind.

[DrB0b]

I want to be the man child, zipping VV, drinking beer lao while sunning on a tube.

That's not being a man-child, that's enjoying yourself. Being a man-child is being in your 30s or later and unable to understand the real world, incapable of taking responsibility for yourself, incapable of making your own decisions, unable to decide how you want to live your own life. Being a software developer in Seattle. Cute in a teenager, disgusting in an adult. A man takes control of his own life, he doesn't ask stupid weakling questions of strangers. A man has dignity, a man-child has needs.

My point is only one life to live.

You have no ambition...

[JungleRaven]

There are two answers here. The first is "any Thai woman who wants to and can afford to" and the second is "what kind of immature sexist, racist bigot believes that's even a valid question".

How is it sexist or racist?

From the articles I've read about V.V., it is predominantly visited by drunk 20-something backpackers looking for a place to do shrooms, ziplines, and innertubes, that has $6 rooms.

My questions is in no way sexist or racist. Though it may be classist, and I have no problem with that. I'm over 40, I don't want to spend my time in a town overrun with drunk 20something backpackers high on shrooms... just like I don't want to hang out in the backpacker sector of BKK.

So my question would be equally valid if applied to a western women or guy that might want to date my sister. If they are the type that wants to hang out in the backpacker party scene in V.V.... it makes me wonder.

So it is a valid question... do Thai good girls want to hang out in V.V.?

[JungleRaven]

A man takes control of his own life, he doesn't ask stupid weakling questions of strangers. A man has dignity, a man-child has needs.

I see I've discovered the resident "alpha male wannabe" of the message board.

Overcompensating for much?

[DrB0b]

A man takes control of his own life, he doesn't ask stupid weakling questions of strangers. A man has dignity, a man-child has needs.

I see I've discovered the resident "alpha male wannabe" of the message board.

Overcompensating for much?

You tell me. You seem to be the guy with the stained copy of Peter and Jane's Guide to Psychoanalysis. Meanwhile I'll just get on with enjoying life. Maybe one day you'll escape your own silly non-existent issues and just learn to kick back and enjoy yourself. Sadly, going by your all-too-common insecure whinging, you'll be pretty close to death before you get to that point.

Thai good girls

idiot!

[fishlocker]

I don't want to paint the wrong pictures here. Unlike Ian Anderson, I wasn't talking about some other silly bastard. But then again that's up to me.

A young crowd might not get it. I will try to explain.

A: To old to rock and roll and to young to die.

B: Tires down on your bycycle. Your nose feels like an icicle. A yellow fingered smokey girl comes running up to me. The rainy season comes to pass, the dayglow pirate sinks at last and if I laughed a bit too fast, well that's one up to me.

By me I mean you.

I would never make it as an English teacher.

Fish ain't that smart. Good luck to you and as any fish knows, stay out of trees.

[DrB0b]

What does fishlocker mean, if you don't mind me asking. Every time I read your posts I wonder about the name.

[fishlocker]

Bob, I have lived in a basement. Now I own several free and clear. I will not go on about that. It has no bearings, no ways to slide on.

Im off to the garden now, must get the sugar snaps in before the rain.