God Save the Queen.

**palexxxx** · 18-06-2015, 07:49 PM

A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN
To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'

3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

13.. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
God Save the Queen!

**KEVIN2008** · 18-06-2015, 08:03 PM

TD wants Queen to reign in Ireland

From the section UK

Michael Ring TD ( MP)
Michael Ring made the comments during an economic debate

An Irish politician has called for the return of British rule to Ireland.

Fine Gael TD Michael Ring said the Irish government should "hand back" the Republic to the Queen during a royal visit next year.
The County Mayo representative also suggested that the government should apologise to her for the "mess" they have made of the country.
Mr Ring made the comments during an economic debate at the Irish Parliament.
He said: "Now look at the mess we're in and look at the mess this country is in.
"Next year the Queen is talking about coming to Ireland for a state visit.
"Maybe we should say to the Queen when she comes 'you know, we have our own independence now, we'll hand you back the country and we'll apologise for the mess that we're after making of it.
"Because at least when they were running the country they didn't put it into the mess and the hock that we are in now."
Mr Ring, 57, was named "heckler of the year" by a magazine in 2006 for "effectively challenging the government with a unique style of street wit and lively heckling".
He is now being described as the Queen's "Lord of the Rings" by commentators in the Republic in the wake of his royalist comments.
It is more than 80 years since Irish independence was secured.
A spokeswoman for the Queen refused to comment on Mr Ring's statement.
She added: "The Queen wouldn't be saying anything about that."

TD wants Queen to reign in Ireland - BBC News

The Brits wouldn't want us back. They waste enough money keeping Northern Ireland on life support as it is......14bn per year i believe

**harrybarracuda** · 21-06-2015, 01:04 PM

Originally Posted by KEVIN2008

TD wants Queen to reign in Ireland

From the section UK

Michael Ring TD ( MP)
Michael Ring made the comments during an economic debate

An Irish politician has called for the return of British rule to Ireland.

Fine Gael TD Michael Ring said the Irish government should "hand back" the Republic to the Queen during a royal visit next year.
The County Mayo representative also suggested that the government should apologise to her for the "mess" they have made of the country.
Mr Ring made the comments during an economic debate at the Irish Parliament.
He said: "Now look at the mess we're in and look at the mess this country is in.
"Next year the Queen is talking about coming to Ireland for a state visit.
"Maybe we should say to the Queen when she comes 'you know, we have our own independence now, we'll hand you back the country and we'll apologise for the mess that we're after making of it.
"Because at least when they were running the country they didn't put it into the mess and the hock that we are in now."
Mr Ring, 57, was named "heckler of the year" by a magazine in 2006 for "effectively challenging the government with a unique style of street wit and lively heckling".
He is now being described as the Queen's "Lord of the Rings" by commentators in the Republic in the wake of his royalist comments.
It is more than 80 years since Irish independence was secured.
A spokeswoman for the Queen refused to comment on Mr Ring's statement.
She added: "The Queen wouldn't be saying anything about that."

TD wants Queen to reign in Ireland - BBC News

The Brits wouldn't want us back. They waste enough money keeping Northern Ireland on life support as it is......14bn per year i believe

Worth it to protect our own.

**Bobcock** · 07-07-2015, 08:20 AM

at first I thought this was going to be a joke thread............. all sensible stuff that will help better our country cousins.....

**pseudolus** · 07-07-2015, 10:46 AM

I love her so much that it is only fair that we all help her and her entire family to return to her roots and she can feck off to Germany along with NAZI phil.

**Cujo** · 07-07-2015, 10:48 AM

That's been doing the rounds since the internet opened.

**bobo746** · 07-07-2015, 10:51 AM

Get the union jack of our flag would be a good start.

**harrybarracuda** · 07-07-2015, 03:24 PM

Originally Posted by pseudolus

I love her so much that it is only fair that we all help her and her entire family to return to her roots and she can feck off to Germany along with NAZI phil.

Silly fucker, Phil's a bubble.

**pseudolus** · 07-07-2015, 03:44 PM

Originally Posted by harrybarracuda

Originally Posted by pseudolus

I love her so much that it is only fair that we all help her and her entire family to return to her roots and she can feck off to Germany along with NAZI phil.

Silly fucker, Phil's a bubble.

Never said he was german, you dipshit, just that he was a Nazi as were all his other family. Besides, you are correct, HIs surname Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderburg-Glücksburg is clearly greek. As is his assumed surname Mountbatten which was changed from Battenberg to allow clueless twats like you to think he was not a fucking crout.

**Cujo** · 07-07-2015, 04:11 PM

Originally Posted by pseudolus

Originally Posted by harrybarracuda

Originally Posted by pseudolus

I love her so much that it is only fair that we all help her and her entire family to return to her roots and she can feck off to Germany along with NAZI phil.

Silly fucker, Phil's a bubble.

Never said he was german, you dipshit, just that he was a Nazi as were all his other family. Besides, you are correct, HIs surname Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderburg-Glücksburg is clearly greek. As is his assumed surname Mountbatten which was changed from Battenberg to allow clueless twats like you to think he was not a fucking crout.

Phil's a fucking legend mate.

**crocman** · 07-07-2015, 04:32 PM

Originally Posted by bobo746

Get the union jack of our flag would be a good start.

They de registered the BLF down our way Bobo. Not allowed to fly that flag in certain places anymore.

**bababags** · 07-07-2015, 08:21 PM

The UK should have its plug pulled out and sunk beneath the waves

**harrybarracuda** · 07-07-2015, 08:25 PM

Originally Posted by pseudolus

Originally Posted by harrybarracuda

Originally Posted by pseudolus

I love her so much that it is only fair that we all help her and her entire family to return to her roots and she can feck off to Germany along with NAZI phil.

Silly fucker, Phil's a bubble.

Never said he was german, you dipshit, just that he was a Nazi as were all his other family. Besides, you are correct, HIs surname Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderburg-Glücksburg is clearly greek. As is his assumed surname Mountbatten which was changed from Battenberg to allow clueless twats like you to think he was not a fucking crout.

He's a bubble and squeak mate, Corfu born and bred.

**Cujo** · 07-07-2015, 08:25 PM

Originally Posted by bababags

The UK should have its plug pulled out and sunk beneath the waves

Oh I dunno, got some nice mosques.

**harrybarracuda** · 07-07-2015, 08:34 PM

Originally Posted by bababags

The UK should have its plug pulled out and sunk beneath the waves

Don't be an idiot, we rule them.

**bababags** · 07-07-2015, 09:20 PM

Originally Posted by harrybarracuda

Originally Posted by bababags

The UK should have its plug pulled out and sunk beneath the waves

Don't be an idiot, we rule them.

Yeah, clinging to past triumphs, as the English always do

**Cujo** · 07-07-2015, 09:51 PM

**Bobcock** · 08-07-2015, 08:15 AM

Originally Posted by bababags

Yeah, clinging to past triumphs, as the English always do

Most countries and people do cling to old shit....wrongly as you say....

Like the severely outdated 'right to bear arms' or religions

**pseudolus** · 08-07-2015, 08:19 AM

Originally Posted by harrybarracuda

Originally Posted by pseudolus

Originally Posted by harrybarracuda

Originally Posted by pseudolus

I love her so much that it is only fair that we all help her and her entire family to return to her roots and she can feck off to Germany along with NAZI phil.

Silly fucker, Phil's a bubble.

Never said he was german, you dipshit, just that he was a Nazi as were all his other family. Besides, you are correct, HIs surname Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderburg-Glücksburg is clearly greek. As is his assumed surname Mountbatten which was changed from Battenberg to allow clueless twats like you to think he was not a fucking crout.

He's a bubble and squeak mate, Corfu born and bred.

Born, not bred.

Mind you, I do recall seeing the Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderburg-Glücksburg chain of kebab shops all around Corfu, and Honest BAttenberg USed Cars all around the place as well. What next from you IT boy? You going to say that all Corfu is basically German?

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