Thread: Being an Older parent

^ Once they grow up to feel that all races are the same and equal in every way it's all good eh.

Well done on raising them correctly.

Andys kid will be ok, he has that wooden house with the termites, the empty Rachman guest house, the villa in Portugal with no internet and council flat in Peckham. Sorted

My take, I think age would or should only have a bearing on it if you are ailing or your family history shows early death. DavisK has a family history like I do. GG died at 104, GGpa died at 97. My Grandma is 92 and still going strong. Gpa died at 88. My Parents are both alive and late 70's. Based on stats me having a child at 50 might work. HOWEVER...I would never do it. I had my daughters young because I wanted to have them off in life before I was 50. I was blessed to have spent a ton of time with them and was actively involved with their lives and upbringing.

On the flip side if people die off early in the family and you drop a seed and bite it before your child is even in his teens then I think that individual made a pretty selfish decision. Not only for the child but leaving the mother as a widower. She will most likely move onto to a new man and this guy could really be a poor father and could easily ruin an impressionable teenager. Enough of that is present with divorcees.

The other thing to consider. While you are able to spend more time with them your education capability in the majority of cases pales in comparison to what educational requirements are now. Unless you have stayed active with all academics you will be of little value to them other then referencing "When I was a kid" or some reasonable street smarts....

This debate runs in parallel to the 50/60 year old man with the mid 20's gal. Same argument could be made. What do you really have in common? What was the point other then she is pretty or cute? What do you talk about? Was this a selfish act because she was impressionable and naive?

Again to each his own, I do not care either way. Not my life, not my decision and I do not have to live with the outcome.

-Would I ever chase a skirt 25-30 years younger then me...NEVER!!!! No desire to have an adolescent spouse to raise.

-Would I have a child at 50...NEVER!!!!. I do not feel I have to continue to drop seeds to prove I am a man or try and appease some young gals wish or carry on a name.

Fingers crossed I will have something to say about this in about four and a half months...

Originally Posted by Dillinger

Sorry i think its a boy you have. Is it

a daughter!

I didnt have my first boy until i was 43 , second one 2 years later, didnt really want kids up to that point as i felt i wasnt really responsible enough to look after my self let alone kids, funny how things change though, wouldnt have it any other way now, I think its got its advantages having them when your young buts its also nice to be more financially stable when your older , Thats important i reckon , got to give them the best you can education etc

It really depends on money(security) and health. Anyone can be a father. Now look at all the old gits who come chasing Thai women in their old age. Would you say that most have the money and health to start families in their 50s,60s,or 70s? Maybe they do.

For those of you who live in a place with a lot of foreigners you must know of men who did this? Personally, I can't say I know of any farang 40 up with kids that dropped dead and left them without a father. There must be some out there. Maybe there aren't as many out there as you would think. Places like this attract long-termers and longer termers often eventually have families. I'd guess a lot of old men who hook up with Thais eventually break up. I know of one of these. The girl didn't dump him, he went to Denmark and never came back and never answered her phonecalls.

Charlie Chaplin was over 70 when he had his lovely daughter

Since 1980, there has been about a 40 per cent increase in the number of men between 35 and 50 fathering children and a 20 per cent decrease in the number of fathers under 30. Data from the UK's Office For National Statistics (ONS) reveals that in 1971 the mean age of a father at birth was 27.2 years, but by 1999 this had risen to 30.1. Statistics from 1997 show that whilst the majority of fathers (151,162) were in the 30-34 age group, there were 41,459 fathers aged 40 to 65+ years.

anyway, if my critic in the other forum is capable of having kids when he is older, who knows what may happen

no-one wants to die, and certainly not young, but millions do and leave their kids fatherless or motherless

True but if you have a child when in your 50s, you're obviously tipping the odds.

people who point fingers and make judgements should maybe look at themself first and ask themself "am I a good parent, could I do better?"

I don't have kids. There are many reasons - one is that I'd be a shit dad but unfortunately I think making a realistic assessment of your own parenting abilities is pretty rare. How significant are all the self-declarations above about being a great older dad? Not very. How many people are going to answer this thread by saying "I had kids at 55 and I'm still a useless, worthless, cnut and I've been a fucking awful father to my children"? Not many, I'd guess.

sorry you don't understand parenting, Ali

a good parent is one who loves and nutures their child to the best of their abilities

pretty straightforward until you realise that some peoples' abilities are crap

luckily, most kids are flexible and forgiving!

Originally Posted by Zooheekock

There are many reasons - one is that I'd be a shit dad but unfortunately I think making a realistic assessment of your own parenting abilities is pretty rare. How significant are all the self-declarations above about being a great older dad? Not very. How many people are going to answer this thread by saying "I had kids at 55 and I'm still a useless, worthless, cnut and I've been a fucking awful father to my children"?

well, I don't think I have been the best parent in the world, esp. towards my first two kids - maybe I was too young then, maybe worked too hard, maybe was just a crap dad who had no idea what being a good one involved

my kids still love me in spite of that!

I try harder now, but still get it wrong sometimes

On a further note, I know of a few older guys that did the old guy have a kid thing with a young Thai gal and all they really did was dump the entire child raising/care on her and her family. I suspect that happens a lot. So the real question is: Do they just have the kid and basically walk away from being actively involved?

Originally Posted by JPPR2

Do they just have the kid and basically walk away from being actively involved?

did they ask to become a parent?
if not, they can walk away whenever they want...
there are contraceptives and nobody has to have a child anymore...
what right does a women have, to put such a thing onto a man (responsibility, not only personal but financial as well)?

a guy/women is not necessarily the roman catholic church who says sex is solely for the purpose of procreation...

Originally Posted by DrAndy

pretty straightforward until you realise that some peoples' abilities are crap

Indeed. Age has no bearing on ability to be a good parent. If older, you may die when child is young but if a responsible parent the child will be much better off than one parented by an irresponsible young father.

agreed, Norton

I think I am a much better parent now than when I was a young parent

I hope I am!

Originally Posted by Davis Knowlton

My twins were born when I was 50. They are now 13, I am 63 (for those who have trouble with math). I retired a year after they were born. For the 30 years prior to that, I was rarely home, often working 7 days a week and 14 (or more) hour days. I travelled internationally frequently, sometimes leaving at a day's notice for trips that could last several weeks, or months. My first marriage was a disaster, and it was a conscious decision not to have kids when I simply had no time for them. Now, I see my kids every day, I am involved in their school, sports, and lives. I am a very fit and young 63, so I don't embarass them any more than most parents embarass teenagers. My grandparents died at 104 and 98; my mother is 90 and going strong - my dad died at 88. The twins will graduate from college and be off on their lives at around 22 - I'll be 72 and fully expect to be around. Anything after that, who knows? But one thing I do know is as a father whose kids were born when he was 50, I'm a far better father now than I would/could have been when I was younger. And, as a final note, their mother is 20 years younger than I, so she should be around for grandchildren, even if I'm not.

Great post.

Well said.

Davis may be the exception to the rule as for health. Of course that depends.

But if people live healthily, they usually (touch wood) have a lot of time left as kids will be dependent, usually until they are about 22.

Originally Posted by Begbie

Whilst I can't blame people for wanting to relive what may have been the happiest time of their life, parenthood and bringing up young kids,

I question that! My experience was being far too busy working and DIYing to have much time to enjoy my kids, unlike now, so I doubt it could be called the happiest time of life

Originally Posted by Begbie

I do wonder why they have to do it with a wife who is most likely the same age as their daughter from their first marriage. This sort of behaviour used to be limited to movie stars and gangsters.

have you thought that maybe it is the young wife who really wants to have kids

and this sort of "behaviour" has been going on long before Hollywood existed

Originally Posted by DrAndy

maybe it is the young wife who really wants to have kids

And the old father is unwillingly obliging? I guess it happens but I doubt it's very common.

Originally Posted by DrAndy

I doubt it could be called the happiest time of life

In general, we look back on our youth with fondness and having kids at 50 is a way of getting back to/hanging on to that youth. Having those kids may or may not be a bad idea but I'm pretty sure that at least some of the time a part of the motivation is going to be staving off approaching decrepitude.

imo, when you need another person to "be complete" or children to have "the happiest time of your life"... then something is wrong with you...

and about selfishness of old dafts, having children, what pls is it when younger people have children...

do they have them out of "unselfish" reasons?

having children is a selfish thing, whatever age...
older people have the right to be selfish, TOO...

when i understood the dalai lama right, its an "attachment"... i fully agree...

Originally Posted by Zooheekock

In general, we look back on our youth with fondness and having kids at 50 is a way of getting back to/hanging on to that youth. Having those kids may or may not be a bad idea but I'm pretty sure that at least some of the time a part of the motivation is going to be staving off approaching decrepitude.

I always wondered how many really deep down inside regret it. That it was a "heat of the moment" deal or they got feeling that their little cherry blossom might leave so they drop a seed to keep her not really thinking about the long term reality or consequences. Interestingly that is a stunt young girls pull here on men, trap them with kids.

I'm sure glad I got snipped at 40. This debate will never hit my personal radar.

Originally Posted by Zooheekock

we look back on our youth with fondness and having kids at 50 is a way of getting back to/hanging on to that youth. Having those kids may or may not be a bad idea but I'm pretty sure that at least some of the time a part of the motivation is going to be staving off approaching decrepitude.

that may be your feelings but I don't sympathise with it, not at all

I really don't look back but live for now; there is no point in trying to recapture anything