So to make the perfect omelette we first need to locate some chickens, which down here on the farm is a fairly easy obstacle to negotiate.
Upon locating the feathered friend, beat it hard in stomach until it parts with a trio of eggs..give the little madam a gentle pat on the crest in thanks then boot the irritating little fucker back into the jungle.
Eggs procured, they now need cracking and beating with us much vigour as you administered on their intial owner..
Add a pinch of oregano, a small finger and thumb pinch, into the mixture just to liven it up a touch..
Next, because our New Year's Resolution clearly states that a loss of weight is required, we purchase a modest block of cheddar, off of which a humble amount is grated..
Cheese now successfully grated onto the ingredient plate, we now need to forage around for some more flavours to add to the omelette. In a horrendously dense part of the jungle I came across some tomatoes which I had to shimmy up a 50 foot vine to collect..
I also spotted a wild bore, speared the fucker then chopped half of its arse off..
The extras were then added to the plate..
The beaten eggs shall now be placed in a wok (because we don't have a frying pan you see) with just a drizzle of oil..the mixture should then be whirled evenly round the pan..
Add the modest amount of cheese, foraged vegeatables and pigs arse to the wok..
Flip one side and allow to cook on a low heat for a few minutes..then flip over again..
Place on large dish..
Cut in half to demonstrate the sheer quality of the food..
Eat it..
Cooking/Preparation time approx: 12 minutes
Eating time approx 12 seconds..
Bon Voyage..