Weaning a kid away from Thai style parenting

**kingwilly** · 15-02-2009, 12:35 PM

Originally Posted by keda

If it's discretionary then stand your ground and not give them whatever it is they're crying for, but at the same time let them know it was the crying that caused you (both) to make that decision. Also important, is to make sure you are both committed to this, because the child will soon learn if he can play one against the other, and that will lead to a hive of problems for you all. Next, treat that as unbending policy, not punishment, but after the storm has subsided and he is more receptive let him know why it is he didn't get the 'thing'.

really important, united front., means you have to support the mideget sometimes too. (not that i am suggesting you dont)

Originally Posted by keda

Another option, when they're a bit older and easier to communicate with, which we do with 3-yr-old Asma who spends a lot of time with us, is to not give her whatever has set her off but leave it in plain view till she stops crying. When she's calmed down we still don't let her have it for 5 (long) minutes - as a reminder that crying is not the solution. Quite often when that time is over her attention is somewhere else and she's completely forgotten about it. On more than one occasion, when she went into tantrum mode for a moment before she realised I was actually bringing her what she wanted, it was too late and from her expression it was clear she realised what she had done which is a good start...I brought it out and left it in view for her 5-min time out, which she accepted.

We used to use teh stand in a corner trick.... it worked for us. particuarly once he got used to it and if he pulled the stunt when we were out punishment could still apply.

Originally Posted by keda

Right or wrong we'll never know, but each parent or substitute has to play it their way; there is no instruction manual to cover billions of individuals. Much of the above won't be easy at 18 months and the best you can do will never be perfect, but few things are a doddle when it comes to parenting. Important is to let them know everything is available but they do not have a right to it.

quite true.

**Marmite the Dog** · 15-02-2009, 01:21 PM

Originally Posted by Smeg

I hope the little fucker does the same to Marmite when he is sat dribbling in an old people's home 40 years from now.

Indeed. I hope he tries to do the best for me too.

**DrivingForce** · 15-02-2009, 01:51 PM

Originally Posted by blackgang

If you need to have your head in a bucket, why not stay home and shove your head under the mattress.

Well everything else you said made sense BG until you got to this part..stands out from the rest of your sensible post..and not in a positive way...

Originally Posted by Marmite the Dog

but instead of not having anything like I assumed, he was being given water in his bottle whenever he cried last night.

yes....drinking at night is going to make it real tough for the little guy to avoid wetting himself and later avoid wetting his bed..Totally counter productive..

**Mr Pot** · 15-02-2009, 01:59 PM

This thread is very informative for me so great thread started Mtd. I get a bit upset reading this as I only get one day a week with my family due to work commitments. I think in the last 2 months I haven't had a proper discussion with my wife setting our guidelines and sharing thoughts on how we want our little boy to grow up in the best balanced way possible. This seriously needs to be considered as culturely we have our differences as a couple.

He's one year a week today so time to have a good sit down

I think Tuesday I'll get a babysitter, take the wife out somewhere quiet so we can discuss this.

Working 12 - 14 hours a day is draining when you have family to care about; it's catch 22 though as money, money, money and more money is the ruling factor.

Heres a pic to remind me for Tuesday

**Lily** · 15-02-2009, 02:17 PM

^But he has his own cot. So something is going right.

What a sweetie. I think he is still teething!

**Mr Pot** · 15-02-2009, 02:25 PM

^I'm greedy, I want lots of money

Regarding the cot, he has stopped sleeping in it. Due to my hours my wife spends a lot of time on her own and gets lonely. We took away the bed frame and sleep with our matress on the floor because we don't want him to fall off a raised bed as the floor is tiled and hard.

He has is own bedding now next to the matress and if he wakes during the night she'll roll ove rto him and either cuddle or feed him some milk to get him back to sleep.

I'm upset because I know he won't sleep in the cot now without being slightly distressed by the change. I understand the wife however as my hours of work ensures she's lonely at night.

Originally Posted by Lily

What a sweetie. I think he is still teething!

Yep still teething, got his two front teeth and middle bottom at mo

**good2bhappy** · 15-02-2009, 03:07 PM

one year in a week
good one Mr Pot
My daughter is 3 on tuesday

**blackgang** · 15-02-2009, 06:55 PM

Originally Posted by DrivingForce

Well everything else you said made sense BG until you got to this part..stands out from the rest of your sensible post..and not in a positive way...

I have riden M/C since 1948 and never wore a helmet except on the track, That is my choice as a free man and I still say the same but do put something on now to keep the grafting assholes from stopping me and trying for their 200 baht which I have never paid and never will.
But to completely cover your head, ears and eyes with something you can neither see thru or hear thru is just to damn stupid for me to even consider, like riding a scoot at night out on the hyway with no tail lights, I want extra RED lights on the rear not green or blue, RED and I want to be seen and to see when my life depends on it.
And don't pull this "OH someday you will be in a wreck" bullshit I have been and if I would have had a helmet strapped on I most likely would have had a broken neck, I am not stupid. and most wrecks with death I have seen a helmet would not have saved em anyway.

If you want to smoke..smoke If you want to drink and drive, then by all means do so, but I choose not to wear a helmet and it has been cool with me for over 50 years.

**Mr Pot** · 15-02-2009, 06:58 PM

Is this the right thread BG?

**blackgang** · 15-02-2009, 07:51 PM

Originally Posted by Mr Pot

Is this the right thread BG?

I think so, at least was on topic until Mr. Red Hot Nascar star got in my shit about my choice of a helmet, altho his hero was killed by a broken neck when he bumped into a wall with a 24 KG full face helmet on his head, if dale baby wouldn't have had that fucking heavy thing on the end of his neck he would most likely be alive today.

**Lily** · 15-02-2009, 08:07 PM

Yep, he is on the right topic, just a few pages late.

He is a bit long in the tooth though, old Blackgang, so we have to forgive him for being a bit slow, but he does talk some sense about rearing kids

**hillbilly** · 15-02-2009, 08:14 PM

Congrats MtD! Sounds like another fun-filled adventure.

I think the key with raising the little ones is to be the boss. You are going to hear some crying and screaming at first, but it will pass.

**Marmite the Dog** · 15-02-2009, 09:01 PM

Originally Posted by hillbilly

You are going to hear some crying and screaming at first, but it will pass.

There's gonna be loads tonight. No fluids until the morning.

I'm sleeping on the sofa.

**blackgang** · 15-02-2009, 09:15 PM

Originally Posted by Marmite the Dog

I'm sleeping on the sofa.

Ain't you just a little old for all that screaming shit just because you have to sleep on the sofa??

**Marmite the Dog** · 15-02-2009, 09:28 PM

Originally Posted by blackgang

Ain't you just a little old for all that screaming shit just because you have to sleep on the sofa??

It's my bladdy house and I'll scweam if I want to!!

**dantilley** · 15-02-2009, 09:55 PM

This link:

Pregnancy, baby and toddler health information at BabyCentre UK

is a great resource for all things baby-related, and they do a monthly newsletter service timed with your baby's age so that you can see what he should / shouldn't be doing at that age, what things it doesn't matter if he's not doing yet, etc. But, as well as that, the site has a wealth of good information.

**blackgang** · 15-02-2009, 10:02 PM

Originally Posted by Marmite the Dog

It's my bladdy house and I'll scweam if I want to!!

OK, Now whats the difference between Bladdy and Bloody and Chap and Bloke,
if you folks are going to use such bullshit then we should all be able to understand you when you refuse to speak English.

**Marmite the Dog** · 15-02-2009, 10:15 PM

Originally Posted by blackgang

OK, Now whats the difference between Bladdy and Bloody and Chap and Bloke,

None, but 'bladdy' has more of an accent.

**DrivingForce** · 15-02-2009, 10:16 PM

Originally Posted by blackgang

Originally Posted by Mr Pot

Is this the right thread BG?

I think so, at least was on topic until Mr. Red Hot Nascar star got in my shit about my choice of a helmet, altho his hero was killed by a broken neck when he bumped into a wall with a 24 KG full face helmet on his head, if dale baby wouldn't have had that fucking heavy thing on the end of his neck he would most likely be alive today.

No it's not the thread for it I never expected it to go this direction and you've taken it way too far and you're way too touchy an defensive and taken it out of context....

**blackgang** · 15-02-2009, 10:52 PM

^well then fuckin forget it

accent sounds the same to me..

**Texpat** · 15-02-2009, 11:05 PM

burp.

**Rural Surin** · 15-02-2009, 11:46 PM

Originally Posted by blackgang

^well then fuckin forget it

accent sounds the same to me..

Good sound country sense, BG. Does sound all the same...doesn't it?

**Fabian** · 16-02-2009, 03:43 AM

Originally Posted by Marmite the Dog

Originally Posted by good2bhappy

Originally Posted by Marmite the Dog

1. He's a victim of the 'I want - I cry - I get' syndrome.

so are many children in the west

Doesn't mean it's good though. Anyway, he's out of luck with this one.

That's good of you. I saw how my sister spoilt her daughter.

**Fabian** · 16-02-2009, 03:49 AM

Originally Posted by chitown

Marmite. You have become quite the family man.

I am,proud if you!!

Me too. What a surprise, but that's what a woman can do to a man.

**MeMock** · 16-02-2009, 07:38 AM

Hi Marmers.

I noticed you have a lot of replies to this thread but would still like to have a crack at answering your questions. I have decided not to read the thread first so sorry if my answers follow in a similar theme to some other posters, although I doubt it will be all that many!

It is great to see that the Midget is also open to change as that would have been your biggest hurdle otherwise. Before my wife and I had kids she spent a few years in Australia and saw first hand the benefits (not always so) of a different time of child rearing to what she was used to.

I am assuming you are in this for thr long haul otherwise you wouldn't be asking these type of questions. Just remember, Love and patience, love and patience will eventually see you right. Love of course means 'tough love'.

Originally Posted by Marmite the Dog

Hmmm.... where do I start?

I've just acquired an 18 month old kid who has previously been brought up the Thai way and we need to correct this before it's too late. Therefore, I reckon I've got about 6 months to address this.

6 months to start with sure but raising a child is a life time job.

Originally Posted by Marmite the Dog

There are a few specific areas that are problems in my western eyes.

1. He's a victim of the 'I want - I cry - I get' syndrome.

This is quite simple to remedy (in theory). He gets told 'no', if it's not appropriate. He's still a bit wary of me, so its working quite well at the moment.

Sounds like you have that sorted. Just remember to reward good behaviour sometimes.

Originally Posted by Marmite the Dog

2. The grandparents used to give him milk all through the night whenever he woke up, which seems to be every 30 mins or so. Also, milk seems to have been used as a substitute for food most of the time. The milk they gave us was shitty soya milk with a sugar content of 10%. I have noticed that he is very mucusy and I belive the large quantities of milk are at least partially to blame for this.

Now he gets a bottle of milk at breakfast and one before bedtime. That's it. Otherwise he eats normal, non-spicy food. Fresh veges and a bit of fish or chicken. The milk he will be given in future is semi-skimmed, normal milk. I also want to get him using those beakers with the little mouthpiece on top rather than a baby's bottle.

I'm impressed! I have an 18 month old as well and that is exactly what she gets. We took away her lunchtime bottle about 5 months ago. I have a niece who sounds like you new boy and it is so sad to watch. She is so full on milk she wont eat anything else.

Originally Posted by Marmite the Dog

3. In a one roomed house, it is quite natural that the family all sleeps together. We don't live in a one roomed house, so that is going to stop too. Not yet though, as the poor little mite needs to settle in first and get comfortable with his surroundings and more importantly, get used to me.

I think the way forward with this is to put him to bed with the Midget until he falls asleep, then she can leave him. This will obviously have to wait until he is sleeping properly and not expecting to feed all night.

Tough one, but for your relationship with the Midget it needs to be done and fairly soon. Good luck.

Originally Posted by Marmite the Dog

4. He can barely speak, which for 18 months is a bit poor.

The Midget will get some books and start reading to him soon.

Totally normal. Nothing to worry about, however make sure you do read to him though. Get him into books as soon as you can. Read to him every at least every night, more if possible. This will be a great way for you two to bond. My kids love going to bed and one of the reasons is that they get to spend time with their Dad as I read them a book every night.

Originally Posted by Marmite the Dog

5. He still wears Pampers in the day time.

I don't mind them at night, but surely he should be training to use a potty about now? We have tiled floors, so the odd accident isn't a problem.

Again, totally normal and nothing to worry about. Around 2 years of age is a good time to start. With all the upheaval in his life at the moment this is the last thing he would need.

Good luck Marmers, just remember he is still a baby basically so be tough but start of slow as he will be in complete shock at the moment at the total change of his life. Kids love and need boundaries so slowly start setting them up. Sounds like you are on the right track at the moment.

Thread: Weaning a kid away from Thai style parenting

Thread Tools

Display

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

Posting Permissions