Helping a grieving dog and wife

**The Fresh Prince** · 04-09-2010, 03:22 AM

Probably the wrong time of night to start this thread so I'll probably have to bump it tomorrow when there are more people around.

First let me explain the situation.

At the start of august I had three great dogs. Talung (Male 3 1/2) Talen (3 1/2) and Ninja (2). Talung and Talen are not brother and sister but I got them from the rescue center at the same time.

After introducing Ninja to the pack Talen was never happy and the fights between them were epic. We moved to a new house that was a lot smaller than our old house and this just escalated. The old house was 1/4 Rai and we've moved to a new town house starter home style place.

So on the 6th of August we'd arranged for Talen to go and live with my wife's family in the country where there is a lot more space and it's working out fine, she'd very happy. We were also happy with the 2 remaining dogs in the smaller house, every thing was perfect.

The now:

Then 2 nights ago Talung slipped his collar whilst out on a walk and after 3 hours trying to find him I found him dead, the victim of an unsuspecting driver on the motorway. Not the drivers fault.

So now in the space of a month we are down to just 1 dog and she's always been part of a pack, never on her own. My wife is also out of her mind because Talung was "Her dog", and this was her first dog. I've lost a few in the past which probably makes it easier for me.

Ninja is doing what I would expect, waiting at the gate for Talung to come home. She isn't showing any classic grieving signs like being off her food or moping around on her own but I know her and I can tell that she's not right.

I'm looking for some advise from people that may have been through a similar experience before and what to do.

We are spending extra time with her and taking her out of the house whenever possible. She's going on 2 walks a day instead of just one and we want to take her to hua hin this sunday. She's also been staying in our room at night, something that I would never allow before.

Should we start to think about a new friend to replace the space that is lost in Ninja?

Also, I didn't show the dead body to Ninja before I buried Talung. Should I have done?

Any help would be much appreciated, Teakdoor has helped me through a few things over the years and I'm still learning but this time I could really do with some pointers.

Thanks in advance

**Jet Gorgon** · 04-09-2010, 05:00 AM

^ Sorry to hear. Don't beat yourself up over it, OK?
Ninja will find the burial spot if it's nearby. I know that well.
Ya, let your wife pick out a new dog and take Ninja along so you can suss out if they will be mates.
Oh...sometimes they will never find the right mates. Dunno. That happened with one of mine. He was never really happy after the neighbours moved and took his best friend with them.

**The Bold Rodney** · 04-09-2010, 06:09 AM

Very sorry to read your story and I'm a real softy when it comes to animals, especially dogs. Without doubt get another dog mainly for your wifes sake and possibly yours too.

Dogs as we all know are pack animals but they have to be socialised too so a younger dog (puppy) in my opinion would suit better.

Anyway, sorry again for what happend and I hope it works out well for you all including of course Ninja and maybe catch you on the beach at Hua Hin sometime with my dog Tiger.

**Bangyai** · 04-09-2010, 10:28 AM

Sorry to hear of your loss FP. I guess your wife and Ninja must be feeling a bit low but fortunately for man and beast time is a great healer and they will both get over it. I can imagine that the urge to get a new dog as a companion for Ninja must be quiet strong but IMO it might be wiser to allow a period of mourning first and see how everyone feels after a few weeks have passed. The reason I say this is that from your post you now appear to be living in a smaller place without much of a garden. I always feel sorry for dogs I see that have to spend 90% of their time locked in the garden and once Ninja gets used to being alone she might prefer having the space to herself.
We also have a stray ( or he has us ) but we live in a quiet village with a park out front and always leave the front gate open a crack so he can come and go as he pleases. As a general thing he does not like it when we have to lock him in for one reason or another and paws at the gate for us to open it.

Anyways, good luck with it and I hope everything pans out well for all whatever you decide.

**somtamslap** · 04-09-2010, 01:17 PM

Condolences FP, never nice to lose a pet...dogs vary in their emotions and you gotta remember, they ain't people..they eat nappies and shit like that for fucks sake..he'll get over it..contrary to Bangers advice..up there..I'd get a newen whenever you fancy it..like Rodney said..a little puppy and he'll have forgotten in no time..unlike you and the mrs..

**Norton** · 04-09-2010, 01:43 PM

Originally Posted by somtamslap

a little puppy and he'll have forgotten in no time..unlike you and the mrs..

Dogs sense distress or unusual behavior from their owners and react in kind. Get the puppy. You and the wife will modify your "grieving" behavior and Ninja will follow.

**keda** · 04-09-2010, 03:07 PM

Sorry for your shit.

Just doesn't feel right to show one dog the body of another. They have no concept of death, so all it will do is stir memories and add confusion because buddy's not doing doggie things anymore.

Water under the bridge but could be useful for later, and esp if you're considering another dog; how/where did you originally introduce Ninja to the other two? If at your place then it may have contributed to the friction, a territorial thing that can be difficult to overcome. My dog psycho taught us early on when we were going to add Jaws to Tara, that the newbie must be introduced in neutral territory preferably over a couple or more days if conditions permit, and never brought home until it is accepted by the residents. If done over more than one day, at home the residents will already be smelling the newbie on you, and if you're happy it helps them accept it. Don't ever forget you're the pack leader.

And as Norton said, pointless trying to hide your distress because dogs are well tuned into vibes, so don't expect Ninja to get over it before you and wifey do.

Chin up, dust yourself off and get on with life as others will have to when you go.

**nedwalk** · 04-09-2010, 03:42 PM

g,day mate, first question, what sort of dog? next how much space they live in?, as posted earlier i lost a family member recently, i am now dealing with 2 year old 49 kilo pup/dog, she needs exercise and reassurence in her new role as 'top' dog in the family situation, so at this point in time ..for me its bonding time, 2 very serious power walks a day and confidence exercises..she is a big beautiful dog..but she needs a mate, for her confidence and pack stuff
just reassure your dog mate and all should be good

**The Fresh Prince** · 04-09-2010, 07:13 PM

Cheers all,

Originally Posted by Jet Gorgon

Ninja will find the burial spot if it's nearby. I know that well.

She did! The burial spot is under a tree across the road about 20 feet from our moobaan. When we were walking past the spot the day after, Ninja stopped and poked her head through the fence, which she's never done before, and just stared at the tree. We sat there for about 10mins.

Originally Posted by Bangyai

allow a period of mourning first and see how everyone feels after a few weeks have passed.

I think this is sensible.

Originally Posted by Bangyai

you now appear to be living in a smaller place without much of a garden. I always feel sorry for dogs I see that have to spend 90% of their time locked in the garden and once Ninja gets used to being alone she might prefer having the space to herself.

Yes, we have moved to a smaller place and I hate seeing that too. But we were renting before so could have a big place. Now that we've bought a place the situation has changed. She's never on her own for very long though. My wife works days and I work nights so she only has to spend between 4pm and 7pm on her own.

Originally Posted by Norton

Dogs sense distress or unusual behavior from their owners and react in kind.

I've explained this to my wife and we are both trying to make an effort to be happy around her and to give her positive reinforcement, but its very hard to hide what you're really feeling.

Originally Posted by keda

Just doesn't feel right to show one dog the body of another. They have no concept of death, so all it will do is stir memories and add confusion because buddy's not doing doggie things anymore.

This is pretty much what I was thinking. I thought about going back to the house to get her but it was hard enough that my wife had to see it so I quickly changed my mind.

Originally Posted by keda

how/where did you originally introduce Ninja to the other two? If at your place then it may have contributed to the friction, a territorial thing that can be difficult to overcome.

This is where I did fuck up. The wife and I went to my mates dads funeral in Satahip and stayed overnight leaving the 2 dogs at home. My wifes mum came to stay with the dogs. After the funeral my wife was over at the master of ceremonies house and he had the puppies, and I cracked to my wifes pleading.

When we brought her home, it was probably a combination of the other two dogs being 1) pissed off that we'd been away and 2) We'd brought a new puppy back with us.

They went absolutely nuts to the point that when my wife sat on the floor and tried to calm them down, Talung stormed round her in circles and finally cocked his leg and pissed all over her.

The vet said that this was the worst insult a dog could give you and we had to keep them separated for a few months until ninja was big enough to defend herself or at least retreat.

Then one bleary eyed morning I thought the time was right to introduce her, I put her down on the floor and the other 2 mauled her, opening up her stomach and breaking her leg. So that was an expensive lesson I learned there. After she had the cast off her leg they all seemed to get along, to a point.

Originally Posted by keda

that the newbie must be introduced in neutral territory preferably over a couple or more days if conditions permit, and never brought home until it is accepted by the residents. If done over more than one day, at home the residents will already be smelling the newbie on you, and if you're happy it helps them accept it. Don't ever forget you're the pack leader.

This is what I should have done.

Originally Posted by nedwalk

g,day mate, first question, what sort of dog? next how much space they live in?,

She's your average temple/street dog, knee height and about 15kg's, just without the mange and scabs

The space is a little small. Enough space to park a car and a half and then she has the run of the inside of the house. 3 Story town house. The mooban will eventually have gardens that will run round the entire inside perimeter but for now they go half way round so each walk I do 3-4 laps of the place. Takes about 45mins and I jog a couple of those with her.

Cheers for the responses. Greens going out to those that I can give.

**Jet Gorgon** · 05-09-2010, 12:22 AM

Originally Posted by The Fresh Prince

Originally Posted by Jet Gorgon

Ninja will find the burial spot if it's nearby. I know that well.

She did! The burial spot is under a tree across the road about 20 feet from our moobaan. When we were walking past the spot the day after, Ninja stopped and poked her head through the fence, which she's never done before, and just stared at the tree. We sat there for about 10mins.

Awww. I took in two puppies beaten and abandoned once (a pair of many). The little scrapper absolutely adored her older sister, who got distemper and died. I cremated her. The little one hated me forever and every day went and sat at the fire pit where I cremated her Sis. She died not long after -- dunno, broken heart I reckon; the vet couldn't save her -- I got her Sister's bones and we buried them together.

My libbie California cousin whom I love to bits, just lost her dog of 12 years to pancreatitis. I've been trying to cheer up her & her hubbie all week, too.

Mebbe I posted this already...

The American Indians say that the Great Spirit decided to divide the worlds of animal and man; so he gathered all the living beings on a great plain and drew a line in the dirt. On one side of the line stood man; on the other side stood all of the animals. And that line began to open up into a great crevasse; and at the last moment, before it became unreachable, dog leaped over -- and stood by man.

**The Fresh Prince** · 05-09-2010, 12:53 AM

Originally Posted by Jet Gorgon

The American Indians say that the Great Spirit decided to divide the worlds of animal and man; so he gathered all the living beings on a great plain and drew a line in the dirt. On one side of the line stood man; on the other side stood all of the animals. And that line began to open up into a great crevasse; and at the last moment, before it became unreachable, dog leaped over -- and stood by man.

Nice

**Jet Gorgon** · 05-09-2010, 02:34 AM

^ hehe You know that the cats said, "Fek you. We're gonna own the joint."

**The Fresh Prince** · 05-09-2010, 02:04 PM

Ha ha, I was going to say that

**Loy Toy** · 05-09-2010, 02:16 PM

Pass on my best wishes to your missus Princey but to be honest you ain't got sufficient room for one dog let alone three.

Keep the one you have and spoil her.

**The Fresh Prince** · 05-09-2010, 06:00 PM

Cheers LT, and your right, the move wasn't really fair on the dogs. We just had a lovely day out with the dog, report to follow shortly.

**Jet Gorgon** · 06-09-2010, 05:48 AM

FP, this one's special for you. Sweetest thing I've seen in days.

**The Fresh Prince** · 06-09-2010, 02:07 PM

I saw that on Facebook the other day. That dog has got all the moves

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