A Guide: Buses and their drivers

[somtamslap]

The best investigative reporters always go that extra kilometre or so, and attempt to actually put themselves in the footwear of their pending subject matter.

So there I was, after a five day Turpentine binge, donned in nothing but a pair of 15 year old flip flops and a blindfold, whizzing along the Mittrapharp Highway with furious intent. The half a dozen Yabba tablets which had been bellowed enthusiastically into my bloodstream some 20 minutes previously, were now rearing their pyschotic content in the direction of my alcohol and narcotic addled brain, causing a tightening grip and an extra twist on the accelerator.

Thus we have now, rather successfully, found ourselves totally immersed within the harrowing confines of the ethos of the average Thai bus or indeed lorry driver.

Well, we've reasoned that these folk are perpetually in a state of intoxication due to a strong cocktail of drink and drugs so let's go ahead and ascertain their modus operandi.

Interview:

Slap: Firstly, before we go any further, I must get this out of the way; Were you repeatedly dropped on your head as a child?

Bus Driver: * Inane sniggering followed by healthy gulp of Meths*

Slap: Well, thanks ever so much for clearing that up, I'll look at that selection of grunts as a reply in the affirmative. Now moving on, why do you find it necessary to endanger the lives of not only your passengers but also fellow road patrons and padestrians alike by driving like a fucking retarded baboon?

Bus Driver: I'm hungry.

Slap: I see. So you are essentially saying that this urgent manner of driving is a result of hunger pangs? Do you not think to eat before you embark? Do you infact have the IQ of an amoeba with learning difficulties?

Bus Driver: Sleep.

Slap: Unfortunately readers, we appear to have hit an unnegotiable hurdle. The interviewee appears to be unresponsive and is frequently slipping in and out of conciousness. Perhaps I'll continue the interview when he brings the bus to a stop.

A quick guide to Thai buses:

In general, get on one of these at your peril. If you do, I'd seriously suggest you pack a claw hammer in with your belongings, for 'escaping when the bus is on fire in a fucking ditch' purposes.



DO NOT EVER board one of these. They are used to recruit new blood and it is likely you will disembark deaf, dumb and illiterate.



Don't bother, it's quicker and safer to walk..



Nakhon Chai Tour buses, look nice, are clean and you more often than not get a pretty little hostess offering you a selection of light bites and liquids...but don't be fooled by this friendly facade, the drivers are just as thick as the rest of them..



Happy travels..

[nigelandjan]

Nice one Slap , made me chuckle before work again.

The incredible thing is I spose I am here to read the post as in my early days of shall we say " exploring " the various regions I did nothing but travel on many of these things ,completely oblivious to what level of danger I was putting myself into.

Travelled on some right ol shitters from Morchit oooooooop country.
Best and only one I ever recall was a single deck top upper top class Scania from Korat to Khon Kaen that was a real treat even the co pilot had a tie on , and the compulsory mind numbing , ear bleeding 20 million watt VCD machine was turned off !

[BobR]

In general, get on one of these at your peril. If you do, I'd seriously suggest you pack a claw hammer in with your belongings, for 'escaping when the bus is on fire in a fucking ditch' purposes.


The only thing I cannot understand is how these buses can get to be so old? The fact they've usually been on the road for about 30 years suggests a strong statistical probability that the old bus (and therefore you) will probably survive one more trip.

What's wrong with that logic? Not that I'm defending the insanity of Thai bus drivers.


"Banned from TV untill 1/11/2037"

Isn't anyone who is not a PC sissyboy banned from that pathetic forum?

[somtamslap]

Travelled on some right ol shitters from Morchit oooooooop country.

Those right there are the worst. I was inolved in a crash between Bangers and Korat a few years back, 1 person died, the driver fled..twat.

[crippen]

In general, get on one of these at your peril. If you do, I'd seriously suggest you pack a claw hammer in with your belongings, for 'escaping when the bus is on fire in a fucking ditch' purposes.


The only thing I cannot understand is how these buses can get to be so old? The fact they've usually been on the road for about 30 years suggests a strong statistical probability that the old bus (and therefore you) will probably survive one more trip.

What's wrong with that logic? Not that I'm defending the insanity of Thai bus drivers.

But there a lot of little yards round Korat that seem to spend their time rebuilding these busses,presumably after bumps.






Note the filler on the door! Sometimes this is 10mm thick!

[somtamslap]

But there a lot of little yards round Korat

Yep, nice centralised point to bundle up all the stacks..

[BobR]

In general, get on one of these at your peril. If you do, I'd seriously suggest you pack a claw hammer in with your belongings, for 'escaping when the bus is on fire in a fucking ditch' purposes.


The only thing I cannot understand is how these buses can get to be so old? The fact they've usually been on the road for about 30 years suggests a strong statistical probability that the old bus (and therefore you) will probably survive one more trip.

What's wrong with that logic? Not that I'm defending the insanity of Thai bus drivers.

But there a lot of little yards round Korat that seem to spend their time rebuilding these busses,presumably after bumps.






Note the filler on the door! Sometimes this is 10mm thick!

Korat would be an appropriate place; that small stretch of Highway 304 where it's only 2 lanes going through the mountains is incredible. The Thais seem to go into Kamikaze mode when they get stuck behind a slow moving bus or truck for more than a few seconds.

I've been on that stretch about 6 times, and never failed to see at least one accident, or the remnants of one.

[sunsetter]

always buy a vip seat or first class, then you can slide feet first when you crash,whilst getting a massage from the vip seat,instead of going head first

[Mr R Sole]

I love these party buses...I just can't seem to get one since leaving Korat...I am at the point of suicide...please oh tard's of the south...grace us with these motorised disco's....
At some points even the driver gets up and has a boogie with the rest of the excited patrons....

Sanook mak mak na khrap....
Even stunts can be performed in these things, cool...as the river flees the scene...pays the cops and is back driving the next week..
Ah...Sanook...na???

Where's the noodle seller....must be stuck in traffic...


Can't wait till this bus company opens up..."for all you travel needs in Thailand.."

[somtamslap]

I'm pretty sure that's the crash bewteen Muak Lek and Saraburi back in 2007. Every single passenger was burnt alive as there were none of those safety hammers to help free them..fucking unthinkable really..

[BobR]

I'm pretty sure that's the crash bewteen Muak Lek and Saraburi back in 2007. Every single passenger was burnt alive as there were none of those safety hammers to help free them..fucking unthinkable really..

I remember that one; the driver had stopped numerous times before the accident because he was having problems with the brakes.

Thanks for the post, and no offense, I would not belittle the tragic loss of lives in some of these bus accidents, and sorry if it sounded that way.

[dirk diggler]

I saw a nasty one the other weekend whilst driving north to Phattalung Bike Week. Must've been a few fatalities there, certainly the driver!

[buycondojomtien]

I cannot stand these retarded bus drivers anymore.

Which company is for you the one that train its driver the most and seems to tell them to slow down ?

For me it's CHANTOUR, but I haven't tried all.

[nigelandjan]

I'm pretty sure that's the crash bewteen Muak Lek and Saraburi back in 2007. Every single passenger was burnt alive as there were none of those safety hammers to help free them..fucking unthinkable really..

I actually had the missfortune of driving past this one ,,and I can tell you a little of what happened .
This actually started with a puncture in one of the rear tyres ,, the driver completely oblivious to what had happened kept hammering on untill the tyres caught fire rendering the brakes useless ,,,,,,,,so his way of bringing the bus to a halt was to ditch it off the side .

[hopskimoet]

Used one of those small VIP mini buses once going to Bangkok. The driver was a fucking lunatic and I couldn't relax on the journey. I told the missus to tell him to slow down but he just laughed and said no problem and still continued to rag the arse off the mini van.

Never again.

[somtamslap]

For me it's CHANTOUR, but I haven't tried all.

Not heard of them, but the majority of the ป2 drivers (second class shite buses as in the first picture) have recently been deployed from the local nick..

[somtamslap]

I told the missus to tell him to slow down but he just laughed and said no problem and still continued to rag the arse off the mini van.

All part of the losing face rubbish..if he slows down he appears to be in the wrong. Actually, kudos to your mrs for actually piping up, because most wouldn't.

[Mr R Sole]

I saw a nasty one the other weekend whilst driving north to Phattalung Bike Week.

Phattalung has a bike week....that's incredible...were the bikes on a boat??? Trang has been frickin under water for the past 5 days!!!

[dirk diggler]

I saw a nasty one the other weekend whilst driving north to Phattalung Bike Week.

Phattalung has a bike week....that's incredible...were the bikes on a boat??? Trang has been frickin under water for the past 5 days!!!

It was on the 18th March... what does floods in Trang have to do with anything?

[EssEffBee]

Drivers of Heavy Vehicles are, in most other countries, professional drivers. These people value their license greatly & are generally, truly professional.

In Thailand, driving a heavy vehicle is virtually a 'license to kill'...similar to James Bond.
I've never seen a Thai bus driver that could actually drive the bus. They're too busy cutting corners, speeding, braking too quickly, not using the gears to break (assisted breaking), pushing other drivers out of the way (how mucho), talking on 2 fucking mobile telephones simultaneously, adjusting the aircon to THEIR requirements (forget the passengers), telling the person nearest to them (sitting on the step due to greedy overloading) to 'move back' & talking to the useless twat ticket collector.

[Bexar County Stud]

At some points even the driver gets up and has a boogie with the rest of the excited patrons...

Good one. Or, at some point the driver's meths wind down and he nods off in sal-leep with the rest of the passengers.