Dining with the In-Laws

[somtamslap]

I don't think that there are a more bowel losening, vomit inducing collection of words than.. "We've been invited to a family gathering".. although what 'family gathering' actually means is 'we're going to sit on the floor and make approving grunts as we spoon large amounts of rice and pigs testicles in our mouths..not quite my idea of an enjoyable suaree..

But alas, oh woe is me, oh great deep woe..when will the powers that be have mercy on my gradually deteriorating soul?..

Yes, the mrs recently uttered the satanic hex..

Oh great joy, I get to stick out like a fucking pimp in a nunery once again..

But this time, I went prepared..I went with a book..and what a difference it made.

Instead of having to hold tedious conversations with various family members, which often range from: 'Does your country have Brandy Thai?' to 'Can you eat spicy?' to 'She isn't my only bird, you know' to 'When I'm not eating boiled sections of jungle, you'll find me up to my nuts in a roasted pigeon'..ad nauseum..I found myself engrossed in a John Grisham novel, playing the ultimate wallflower..only speaking when the offer of beer was made..after which a simple grunt and point at the empty glass suggested that, yes, top it up, Somjit.

'Dinner time' was called and I joined the flock of baboons to graze on the feast of grains and matter that was laid before us..

I honed in on a particuarly obscene looking sausage which after the first nibble, appealed to my tastes..I transferred it to my plate and told everyone else 'bollocks', this is the only edible thing at the table, sorry, floor, and that they should continue with their thousand year old fish munching...when I dine, dear family, it'd be preferrable if the scent of the room was not synonymous to that of a ferret that had expired up a tramp's anus..

I took my sausage to the porch and went back to Grisham..

All in all a successful day's work..

Can't wait for the next gathering..

[SEA Traveler]

understand the feeling about sticking out like a sore thumb. good call on your part. might not be a bad idea to also have an empty wallet for when the booze runs out and your asked to foot restockage bill for the whole village.

[Davis Knowlton]

^Good point.

[somtamslap]

have an empty wallet

It's perpetually empty anyway, unfortunately...turn up skint, get fed and watered, what am I moaning about..oh yes, the food, thats right..

The sausage looked a bit like this..



Although it's referred to as 'mum' rather than 'naem'..quite tasty..

[SEA Traveler]

sausage not looking to bad... I was thinking about this dining out with the in-laws thing and was reminded of my increased beer intake at these events. I get told to go to bed early that way.... 555.

[somtamslap]

I was thinking about this dining out with the in-laws thing and was reminded of my increased beer intake at these events.

I like to control my alcohol in-take during such events..else I might get shot by an offended uncle..or aunt..OR GRANNY..

[withnallstoke]

I do have some sympathy.
Somtamslaps lot are like a cross between the Munsters and the Adams family, with a few banjo pickers thrown in to spice up the gene pool. *



* Not immediate family.

[somtamslap]

Somtamslaps lot are like a cross between the Munsters and the Adams family

I think they'd be flatted with that glowing report there, withnall..I was thinking more along the lines of autistic barnyard creatures.

[Marmite the Dog]

Oh great joy, I get to stick out like a fucking pimp in a nunery once again..

Strangely, the Midget has only ever asked me once...

[sabaii sabaii]

approving grunts as we spoon large amounts of rice and pigs testicles in our mouths

Don't the pigs mind?
Reminds me of the all you can eat Thai bbq joints for 109 baht, where you've gotta cook it yourself at your table
I dunno what parts of the animals the meats coming from, but most can only be chewed and not swallowed

[Fabian]

Oh great joy, I get to stick out like a fucking pimp in a nunery once again..

Strangely, the Midget has only ever asked me once...

I can imagine very well why.