Mother In Law Says Avoid The Poor

You could be forgiven for thinking that a good number of farangs despise Thailand and the Thai people, for every word which comes out of their mouth about Thailand is negative.

I have to admit that I have been through phases like this. I’ve had times when I have all but declared my disgust at many things Thai, times when I seriously considered getting on the big bird and jetting out. But I stuck it out and I’m glad I did because things have long since changed, and life in Thailand is now better than it has ever been.

To understand some of the problems that I try to avoid, perhaps it is best to look back at a few of the less than enjoyable experiences I have had.

Having only been in Thailand a couple of months, one of the security guards in the apartment building where I lived suggested that we go and shoot some pool together. I barely knew the guy but I hadn’t made any real friends and as we were the same age and had an interest in English football in common, it sounded like a reasonable idea. I knew he earned a modest income so I was happy to pick up the tab for the pool table and the drinks. But what happened was a classic case of him taking the piss. We met some of his friends at the pool hall and they started ordering drinks and cigarettes which they put on our tab, even though they were playing on another table on the other side of the pool hall! I’d never met those punks before and they never even said hello. Yet they were happy to bill the drinks to the table I was playing at. When the bill came, I realised what had happened and told the waitress that the drinks and cigarettes from the other table would not be covered for me. I quickly calculated what had been consumed at our table, paid the bill and split. My security guard "friend" was none too happy and ignored me, and went across to his friends at the other table. I disappeared, making a mental note not to befriend any more security guards.

Like most farangs who spend time in Thailand, I was beating off girls with a stick, at least when I was new here, my waist a few inches smaller, and without a single grey hair. One particular girlfriend from rural Phitsanulok was a real cutey, but we never really clicked and it was obvious to me it was going nowhere. After a 3 month relationship that was never that serious - we never lived together or anything like that, I told her that it was over. The mistake was that I told her when we were in my apartment. Good lord, you’d think she’d been told she had no more than a month to live. First were the tears, then came the threats. She wanted money or she was going to cause problems for me! Being somewhat devious, I managed to get her outside and told her we’d go to the ATM. We went outside, got a couple of hundred metres from the apartment and then I did a Carl Lewis back to the apartment, screaming at the security guard that she was persona non grata and not allowed back in ever! Different security guard, mind you, not the pool shark – just as well! The phone rang minutes later, I was called every name under the sun and that was the end of that.

And then there was another girlfriend, a young lass from Roi Et, a very pleasant girl she was. I never knew the significance of it at the time but I was introduced to her mother, not long after meeting her. (This was her idea, not mine - had I known then what I know now, I'd never have agreed to meet the mother.) On that first meeting, I was asked for 1,000 baht for the bus fare home to Roi Et. I politely made an excuse that I didn't earn much and could not spare 1,000 baht, which at the time was somewhat true, while inside I was fuming that she had had the nerve to even ask. I was later to find out that she had actually been living in Bangkok for the last 20 years and the trip home to Roi Et was just a ruse to try and con me!

Not phased by the lack of success at that first meeting, and having no shame and coming out and telling me that mother actually lives and works in Bangkok, I was asked to go and see mother at her place of work, which was right slap in the centre of the city. So off I trotted to see her. I was told that if I wanted to continue seeing her daughter, I had to marry her. However, if I didn't want to marry her and wanted to continue seeing her, then 100,000 baht would suffice. Totally brazen! I kid you not.

While most of these stories revolve around women, they are not exclusive to them as the security guard story shows.

Slam me, abuse me, call me elitist, say what the hell you want, but I have found that not getting too close to people from the poorer parts of Thai society has helped so many problems.

I am happy to deal with people from less privileged backgrounds in simple situations and commercial dealings, but as for letting them get close to me, I find that their expectations are often unrealistic and that avoiding the situation altogether virtually eliminates the inevitable problem. Money, or something related to money.

Besides, Westerners generally have a lot more in common with educated Thais. Hanging out with Thais from less privileged backgrounds is, to me at least, only fun to a certain point, before boredom sets in. There's only so much you can talk about, and their view of society, let alone the world, is so different.

Interestingly enough, my mother in-law often warns me about getting too close to people from poor parts of the country. She often warns me that “it is only a matter of time before they ask you for money for this or that.” This is coming from a Thai! She says that for many people from rural Thailand and especially Isaan (her words and she was born in and has lived all of her life there), many rural Thais view money as their lord. She often tells me how puzzled she is at Westerners who take up in Korat or worse still (again, her words) in small Thai villages. And perhaps most damning of all, she says that the actions of many people in Isaan make her feel ashamed to admit that she comes from the same part of the country. She HATES being referred to as "Khon Isaan".

Some Westerners actually prefer to deal with Thais from poorer backgrounds. A German friend tells me he finds most middle and upper-class Thais to be dreadfully dull and boring and an English friend at work believes that the women from the lower echelons of society have lower expectations and so are easier to keep happy.

The poor in Thailand are generally very friendly people indeed and to feel that it is necessary to shun them, at least in terms of genuine friendships, is a real shame. But after a number of bad experiences, I’m sick of being asked for money directly and dealing with people who have no shame taking the piss. Picking up the tab on certain occasions is fine, but I’m not going to let anyone try and take the piss again.

There is a gaping chasm between the average Westerner and the average rural Thai. While it is nice to enjoy the company of such people for they are friendly and generally fun to be around, I have found that in time it almost always becomes troublesome. Since spending less time with such people and more with people from a similar sort of background to myself, I have found that I’ve had fewer problems, and have been happier for it.

Is it greed, are they mad, or is it both?! Angels Disco, the hottest freelancer venue in town, is now charging 400 baht entry fee! You do get one free drink. This actually makes it effectively more expensive than the much more upmarket venues which charge a cover charge such as Q Bar, Rivas and Spasso's. As far as I know, even guests in the hotel don't get a discount or free entry. I guess they are charging 400 baht, simply because they can. The Nana Hotel's popular disco used to have a bit of competition in the Thermae, but that has now very much changed and is not a patch of its former self. And then there is the Grace, where no self-respecting Westerner would go with all of the shifty looking characters in there. There are many questions which have to be asked. Was there an increase to 400 baht for what reason? Where is the improvement in Angels? What about timing? We're right in the middle of the low season. What does this bar offer? I mean, it is not a flash, up-market venue with international acts performing live! Cripes, it's little more than a meat market! Perhaps the 400 baht entry fee should be looked at as some sort of unofficial barfine. Other venues open late will be rubbing their hands with glee at the prospect of increased patronage as punters turn their back on Nana Disco. Perhaps the only reason I can think of off the top of my head why punters would go to Angels is that it is open until 2 AM, so it gives the naughty boys an extra hour (remember Nana Plaza usually closes at 1:00 AM) to find a friend for the evening.

Rainbow 4 in Nana has settled down and is not as busy as it was a month or so ago. Still, it remains one of the most popular bars.

The Ball In Hand is having their second anniversary party on Saturday the 27th of August 2005. All are welcome to enjoy the free buffet, free killer games and to try and win some prizes! They will have a couples / mixed doubles tournament starting at 2:00 PM. The entry fee is 500 baht per player with prizes ranging from 2,500 baht - 10,000 baht on offer.

What's the story with the newest bar in Nana Plaza? It is a little unclear whether The Big Mango has or has not opened its doors officially. It looks like it is about to open, if it has not opened already. It has pool tables and a view over the plaza.

Lots of construction materials have been pilled up in Superstar Bar down at the Pong as construction is about to start. The owners plan is to knock a hole in the outside wall and building an outside beer bar in addition to the existing Superstar. The beer bar will be in the alley connecting Patpong 1 and Patpong 2.

There was piss testing in Soi Cowboy on Friday night. I wonder if there were any positive samples? There seems to be more positive samples down there than any other bar area.

And in what seems to be a regular Friday night event in Phuket these days, police raided two Patong clubs and made all the Thais (customers and staff) give urine samples.

Johnny is all over town pitching Hollywood, the smaller of the two top floor bars in Nana Plaza, for 12,000,000 baht or 6,000,000 for a 51% share, which I guess would take him out and leave the buyer with all of the investors. Hollywood is now doing shows and naked dancing again in a bid to get customers back and make the books look that bit more attractive to a potential purchaser. So keen to sell, he even tried to sell his share of Hollywood 2 to an investor who happened to be the best friend of the manager he recently fired! August has seen another exodus of girls from Hollywood and now it would seem that Hollywood Carousel - that is the bigger of his two bars - is starting to crumble. Quite a few top dancers from Carousel have left and are now working in the Rainbow Bars. (All Nana Plaza bar bosses must be furious at the Rainbow bars' recent hiring practices and success.) The once mighty walls of Hollywood are beginning to come crashing down upon Johnny. I'm waiting to see who will be the next investor. One thing's for sure, it won't be me!

One of the grandfathers of Nana Plaza is reportedly abroad and in very poor health. We wish him well and hope that a recovery is made.

Peter of Playschool fame will be opening Apache in Soi Cowboy next week featuring table top dancing and a nice private second floor area.

There is a girl in Baccarat who asks for 10,000 baht for the night....and gets it! Apparently she will go as low as 5,000 baht. She is more to the liking of the typical Asian punter than the Westerner, with milky white skin, a somewhat farang looking nose and long black hair. You'd think the Asian customers would be all over her, and they are, but at least one wealthy American punter also gave her the full asking fee, a cool 10,000 baht.

The most popular girl in Rainbow One is the entrepreneurial young Miss who shaved her head. Yep, she got a real military job, every last wisp shaved completely off. it's growing back, but still only at about 1/8 inch. It would seem that almost every guy who walks through the door is captivated by her, notwithstanding that she is missing that oh so lovely feature of Thai women, long dark silky hair. Could this be the beginning of a new trend?

If there is one difference I notice in the bars these days it is the girls' hairstyles. In the past it was either long, medium-length or short, and that was about it. Now they are going all out to make themselves look that little bit different from the other girls. Not only are they dying their hair a whole host of colours, they are also trying out all sorts of odd styles. Is this what they call product differentiation?

My God, the dancers at one of Soi Cowboy's bars are downright scary. Perhaps the bar's name should be changed from Xxxxxxxxx to the House Of Horrors? Care to guess which bar I am talking about?!

Riding the skytrain between Nana and Asoke stations gives a very good view of the work that is being done on the park where Sukhumvit Square adjacent to Soi 10 used to be. Work is proceeding slowly, but it looks as though it will be quite pleasant. For now, there would seem to be a walk way running from the main Sukhumvit Road through the middle of the area and what looks like it will be grassy park areas on either side. This park will be a very welcome addition to what is one of the least pleasant parts of the city.

A long time reader who often sends interesting and thought provoking emails says that Archar's Place in Soi Rangnam is the best Thai neighbourhood restaurant, bar none. In his words it is dee tee soot (means the best).

I'm not an Ipod user but apparently there is a piece of software that you can download to your Ipod that does translation into Thai. Ipod users should click here for more details.

here actually

Why are people to keen to shake the owner's hand in bars? I've never understood it myself. The number of people who tell me that they have drunk in a bar for a few months and complained that the boss has never come over to shake their hand makes me chuckle. I'm actually the opposite. I prefer to be left alone, though to be honest, I really don't frequent that many bars these days.

Quote of the week comes from a reader. "Bargirls and bullshit are inseparable."

People all over Bangkok are still talking about the violence article that kicked off the column two weeks ago. It sure generated a huge amount of email. From one account, some bar owners (one?!) were quite upset about it, apparently feeling that Thailand has had enough bad press and problems and that this piece was the icing on the cake. Being more practical about it, for anyone who is concerned about personal safety, there is a place that can help you or your teeruk defend yourselves. Nok’s Amok Academy is run by Randy from the US and his Thai wife Nok and they teach self-defence and knife fighting. What is knife fighting?! While many men attend, they actually specialise in teaching Thai women to defend themselves with a knife. They feel that even a Thai female who may be a black belt will still be at a disadvantage to a big man, or attacker with a knife. However, a knife in the hands of a skilled fighter will make things more of a level playing field. According to Randy, “in about four months a woman will be adept enough to protect herself. Usually just showing the blade, and that you are committed to using it to save your life will stop most people.” They can be contacted here.

here actually

Checking out Rivas for the first time in a long time, I have to say that there were virtually no working girls there. Ok, so we are only talking one night here, and that one night may not be representative of how things tend to be, but it was certainly not like say Spasso's where the place is crawling with them.

I changed my email address from Hotmail to Gmail a while ago. Many people still email me at the Hotmail address. Replies from that email address will be slow as I check it less frequently. Gmail works better for me - stickmanbangkok@gmail.com. Also, entries into the where is this pic competition sent to the Hotmail account will invariably be read too late to win. So please, use the Gmail account.

I try hard not to be cynical in Thailand, but sometimes one just can't help but question what is going on. This week, some former students of mine popped back to school to say hello. Ahhh, very nice of them, I thought. But there was an ulterior motive. They pulled a donation box out of their bag and asked for donations for something or other. Now what was interesting is that in a room full of Thai and Western teachers, they only asked the farangs for a donation, and not the Thais. Hmmm, perhaps I am just being petty.

A friend was sitting next to a guy in a gogo bar recently. The guy, new to Bangkok, was after a lady for the night. My friend said that the gogo girls are the ones to go for as they are used to going with customers, and the service staff, while often willing to go with customers, are generally much less exciting, sexually. The stranger didn't take his advice and barfined one of the waitresses and they left the bar together. Half an hour later he came back seething, frustrated and angry. He demanded that the barfine be returned to him as this girl would not take it up the pooh chute. What a wanker. It's stories like this, that really are not as uncommon as you would think, that put me off all of the naughty nightlife industry.

A rumour has reached me about an odd sounding activity that takes place somewhere on Chaweng Beach in Ko Samui. Apparently somewhere down there has a topless volleyball match....played by ladyboys! Anyone heard anything about it?!

A Danish lawyer is looking for Mr. Bent Lind Jensen, born 1/9/1944. He left Denmark for Thailand in '93. The lawyer, Randi Wieslander, can be contacted at rw@adv-lund.dk. I have no idea why they want to contact him. Maybe it is a million dollar inheritance? Maybe it is a million dollar alimony bill? Who knows?!
more here at his site