What does it take for a Thai to listen

[ray23]

I don't want any confusion about this, this a definetly a RANT

Things have gotten so bad around the house with people not listening it resulting in major problems.

I'll just give two examples. We were having painting done to get drop cloths down masking tape to be used was five times a day reminder. It was like following kids around finger painting. Even with that one brillant individual climbs in the a new well kept pickup with paint on thier back of thier shirt, result one ruined car seat.

Still yet start another room they don't put the drop clothes down.
There are four of us in the house in the daytime, the wife and I, the aunt and the housekeeper who has worked fro is for three years. She is normally a jewel.

Ok I've had been having to follow people around like they are children. So I sit down with them Saturday count them that four days ago. I have a very Jai Yen talk with them all explaining that being ignored when I say something had gotten very old. As nicely as one could posssibly do asked to understand that when I tell them something I have reasons and want my directions followed.

About a month ago after Auntie had been told dozen of times not to let the dogs out to watch when she opens and closes the gate. She lets one out and he chews up a neighbors dog, fortunatley it was in the street, Honestly the dog is major pest and got what it had coming. So I'm up on my soap box with everyone for days watch the damn gate.


So what happens today house keeper lets the dog out, he heads right for the other dog who had been tormenting him for two years and this time he goes right into the peoples yard and chews him a new ass.

How do I find out wife comes in a panic and at the top of her lungs you got to go tell the neighbor sorry. After I recovered from the shock. I was real curious why I would be apologizing to neighbor, hadn't even been out of the office.

Then I get housekeeper let the dog out and he had a fight with the other dog. Lets see I didn't a damn thing wrong and I'm going to apologize. No something doesn't equate here, told her to tell the houskeeper to go apologize.

I got a shirt on went over and found out what happened and told the lady to take obnoxiuos asshole dog to the vet and bring me the bill.

I also made it very clear that the next time someone let the dog cause they are to lazy to look before they opened a gate they were going home including Auntie.

Now here it is guys no one wants to listen till there is a problem then they have ceated and then I'm expected to solve it IE: me aplogize.

Now if something happens, goes wrong cause you didn't know somehting that is a mistake.

But if you ahve been told a 100 times and you do it anyway, that my friends is stupid behavoir.

They are all consoling the the houskeeper cause she got yelled at this time, probably the first time in three years. She has got big tears running down the cheeks the whole nine yards Why becuase the lady who she apologized had not talked nice to her at some point.

Well so what nice people or not if your wrong your wrong and there is no doubt that she was wrong.

I have honestly hit me limit on picking up the peices for Thai's that assume because you are a farrang you don't know anything, Not one of them would have a darn thing without this stupid guys help.

I'm afraid I have reached my limit on this one.

Rant over wished I drank.

[Smeg]

In short, a brain and maturity, and both are in short supply around here.

Most prefer infantile play to thinking, the latter being too much of a chore, and "mai sanook"

[justwingit]

i learnt a long time ago that when the misses or some of her family fok up because they didn't listen to the "white man who knows nothing" was to just ignore them and tell them "you foked up you deal with it " and go take the dog for a walk or have a beer

[Rigger]

Rant over wished I drank.

Yes Ray there is your problem you are not looking at Thailand with beer goggles. Anyway mate hope it all works out for you.

[keda]

I feel for you matey, especially since being in a village amid village people the past couple of months.

[ray23]

Thanks guys life will go on tomorrow, sure pissed me off today

[dirtydog]

What does it take for a Thai to listen

You are a dumb farang who knows nothing, why should they listen to you, well, thats the way they think after their 3 years of education and never having left Thailand before, didn't you know that Thais know everything.....

[Loy Toy]

If you pay the bills in the house make it clearly understood that they will be docked for whatever damage they cause.

Make them accountable and where it hurts, in their fcukin pocket! Warn them clearly, act to your word and I guarantee the maid will bite your dog before your dog bites another.

Money talks mate especially here

[TizMe]

I got a shirt on went over and found out what happened and told the lady to take obnoxiuos asshole dog to the vet and bring me the bill.

When the bill arrives, have it taken out of the housekeepers wages. Then at least that's one person that wont let the dog out again.

[ray23]

Those are good suggestions might just do that. But I think the houskeeper going and apologizing to someone she does not like, really hit home. She might not show up tomorrow. If she doesn't I made it very clear to the Princess wife that she will be a houskeeper agian.

I laughed later, wife wants to get rid of he dog, my answer the dog was just being a dog and was smarter then the people. So I will keep the smart one and send the people away.

[keda]

I got a shirt on went over and found out what happened and told the lady to take obnoxiuos asshole dog to the vet and bring me the bill.

When the bill arrives, have it taken out of the housekeepers wages. Then at least that's one person that wont let the dog out again.

Yeah, but if you do then don't be sleeping without an iron collar when she's around.

[Fabian]

I laughed later, wife wants to get rid of he dog, my answer the dog was just being a dog and was smarter then the people. So I will keep the smart one and send the people away.

Sensible choice.

[Marmite the Dog]

Anyone who takes responsibility for someone else's fuck-up is a bigger idiot than the person who fucked up.

[iraq]

What does it take for a Thai to listen

You are a dumb farang who knows nothing, why should they listen to you, well, thats the way they think after their 3 years of education and never having left Thailand before, didn't you know that Thais know everything.....

The other one that have run into that puts the hair stand up is " my friend sad that it is not possible,,, or I have never seen that so there for it is impossible"

[EmperorTud]

How horrible it must be to have a family around you that pays you absolutely no respect, treats you with contempt and listens to nothing you say.

[English Noodles]

There are four of us in the house in the daytime, the wife and I, the aunt and the housekeeper

Get rid of the housekeeper would be a good start.

[Fstop]

Agree with Tiz --- dock the wages of the housekeeper. If she does it again, fire her ass. She may be a jewel as you say, but these people are not treating you with any respect. Take some action and maybe they will listen.

[ray23]

Well I least one person is listening in the house even if it's just me LOL

Remeber guys I was pissed (Mad) when I wrote the first message if there were not good things as well the entire lot would have been down the road long ago. But the not listening has run its course, there won't be anymore, my fault I let them do it.

The person who said treat people like you want to be treated had never lived in Thailand. Very few Thai's I have met understand that. There is a pecking order here and Thai's protect it with all they got. Lesson learned.

The housekeeper screwed up once, really bad timing though.

Now let me tell you about the other side now that I calmed down. Between all these ladies I do nothing unless I want to. Aunte gives me physical therapy after me teaching her how to do it three to five day a week cost me a whopping 1k a week. It's the only way I can get the same thing I was getting in the states. It involves accupressure. Anyone can do it if they know the spots after 15 year I know where they are LOL Thai messages are out, they cause more problems then they solve for someone with seven screwed up discs

The guys around me paid 10K in labor to get the inside of thier houses painted. Housekeepers cousin who is a painter come over when he has no other work and paints for us at 200 Baht a day. I have two rooms to go I have spent 1100 baht in labor. Wasn't the painter that screwed up the seat it was Auntie who had brain surgery six months ago.

All my shirts are custom made with button down collar and two button pockets what I need for the bike, I buy the material and they are made for 200 baht, source housekeeper.

We had a roof leak yesterday, the houskeepers husband who is the best guy I have ever seen with Tile brought a brother who is a roofer and fixed the roof. Wouldn't take any money for it had to force them to take a 100 baht to buy a few beers.

Not one baht has ever even been touched much less taken in three years. When we leave the housekeeper and her daughters stay in the house while we are gone, They don't ask for anything but I pay them a bit for thier trouble.

She has never had a pay raise, she is paid at the standard rate here. But I did sit up a college fund for the kids after about a year 100 baht a week at a time (per child 2). These days the kids have more in the bank then the parents. Hopefully they will have a better life then thier parents. She wanted to buy a washing machine cost 7k and she was going to have to finance it, I loaned her they money she expected to pay village interest, it was interest free. I was paid back every baht. But what I do for her, she works for.

The problem comes with the wife in reality, like most couples we tune eachother out survival when you together 7/24. For some odd reason she does he laundry, wont let anyone else do it. She takes pride in being able to cook different meals, so that aspect couldn't get any better. She is my ride partner and you couldn't find a better one most times, enjoys it as much as I do. This woman is givin a household budget and unless there is a legitimate emergency she has stuck to it for years. I am never bothered about money. But, she had to learn first, she gets 50K a month from that she has to make the house payment of ten K, she pays the housekeeper not me. I do the college funds and the truck payment and pay for auntie. I did pay for aunties surgery can you imagine getting brain surgery for 20K baht and her meds are next to nothing per month less then 500 baht. It's amazing the ladies hear she gets 50k a month they assume that is play money far from it she runs a farrang household on that. There is extra there, if it's handled right for trinkets and such. She has purchased gold slowly over the years. She asks me about things like the aswner is it's your moey stay in the budget and do what you want. By the way I did see she was frugal about money and taught he about budgets before this happened.

I know where the problem really is, it's the tuning out that we both do. Everyone sees the wife not listening and nothing happens so they don't either. But it has went past acceptable levels for me now. I could leave her, but how many guys have wives that are like what I just described. Oh I know I could go get a 20 year old hard body I've done it before I got married, but it costs to drive a corvette in many many ways. Yelling doesn't work whne you have been tuned out. I have now tried the Jai Yen approach many many times. Last a little longer then the yelling bit not much.

In the end it's my fault she is now a Princess compared to where her life was five years ago. for anyone who wants to put on the white hat and save the day. At first it is recognized then it becomes just everyday living.

This is a marriage worth saving, so we started Thai family counceling. You guys would like that one simple answer I'm the 1st priority. I got one obstacle to get over but it's a big one.

Truth is I have found palying the game just as they do very effective. If I distance myself and not talk, she will respond but I hate to play games. But, if that is what she undertands might be the only effective avenue available.

I said the first messsage was a rant, blowing off steam, releasing anger.

Now this is real life not all that bad.

[Sir Burr]

I put up with this crap for many years, but, now I don't have a problem anymore.
The missus has finally learnt the hard way that usually I'm right when it comes to a predicted outcome and now listens to me.

The incident that changed her mind was when I offered to buy her family a pick-up. I said that I was willing to spend 250,000 baht on a good second-hand one. The family could pick it out.

Was that good enough for the family? No, of course it wasn't.
The missus told me that they wanted to use the 250,000 baht as a down payment on a brand new Toyota pick-up.
I asked the missus how they were going to pay the monthly installments. Got a mumbled response.
Told her that they could do what they liked but, I would divorce her first rather than pay a single baht when they got into trouble with the repayments.
After six months, they couldn't make the payments and the pick-up was repossessed.
Kudos to the missus. She never asked me for a single baht more and admitted that I was right all along.
Since then, she mostly listens. If she doesn't, and what I predicted happens, she knows that coming to me is going to be futile.

[kingwilly]

If you pay the bills in the house make it clearly understood that they will be docked for whatever damage they cause.

Make them accountable and where it hurts, in their fcukin pocket! Warn them clearly, act to your word and I guarantee the maid will bite your dog before your dog bites another.

Money talks mate especially here

That's wot i was thinking!

[Bung]

Good on you Ray, we all have off days and trouble with living here from time to time but you seem to be living with your eyes wide open and have a handle on how to do things.

I told my BIL to piss off yesterday. Likes to pretend to work in the yard, does a bit then starts to drink. Once his mates started to hang around I gave him his marching orders. Useless bludger.

But it's the same for me here as it is for you, pretty bloody good in the big picture and I have never lost anything even though I have a habit of leaving stuff lying around.

[Marmite the Dog]

But, she had to learn first, she gets 50K a month from that she has to make the house payment of ten K, she pays the housekeeper not me.

You've spoiled her. 50k a month (or 40k in reality)?! Way too much.

[Sir Burr]

^
That's what I give the missus. Prices have gone up on everything. Food, electricity, petrol etc. Used to be 40,000 Bt up until a couple of months ago.
She pays all the bills, food and stuff for the house, parents allowance and what's left over is her spending money.

[Bung]

parents allowance

Parents allowance!!! I allow them in the house, thats it! (only joking)

I give my mrs 30k a month, probably not enough then like she keeps telling me...(Mr keeneow)

[ray23]

What was that saying about a man with no shoes. I thought I had a tough day. Borrowed from another forum. Before you guys get carried away I've known this guy personally for years. He is an extremly intelligent man. He takes his marriage very seriously.


What is the fish farm really about, he has enough money so he doesn't have to do anything. It keeps him active and he needs that. The second aspect it is to provide a living for his wife upon his death. I admire his resolve, but I would not want to walk in his shoes.

Sorry to hear of your "bad hair " period Ray, it must be a horribilus day all round ,if I had hair long enough to grip I would have yanked the lot out today.

We have found it necessary to pump out two ponds and transfer the fish to new lodgings, one pond today and one tomorrow,we are talking 1500 fish of average 400g in todays and 2500 of similar size tomorrow.

Well ,I started pumping at 5am and the eight women we hired to pick up fish were to start at 8.30 am . They started arriving at 9am and were still dribbling in at 11am, did they start picking up fish, "no bloody way " they had to eat first,papaya salad ,grilled fish washed down with generous quantities of Lao Kao.

All the time they are feeding their faces ,me the paymaster ,is flat out with the cast nets ,trying to get some of the fish out as the water dropped and with arthritic hands it is no easy chore.

The water got down to shallow for cast netting and many fish were bellying up through lack of oxygen, so I did the lolly and flew the workers , "get off your arses or we are going to lose these fish", which led to the T/W flying me with " you cant tell friends what to do".

Well dear wife, while I am paying these people for a days work I call the tune and I want them picking up fish, NOW.

Well what do they do, they get in the pond, but instead of picking up the now gasping fish, they start picking up prawns,snails etc and all the other delicacies , more words passed my lips, to the effect of do the fish first ,then you can get your goodies later.

By this time I have armed myself with a dip net and the "ladies " have the plastic laundry holders to carry the fish the 10 metres and dump them in the new pond , suddenly I find myself alone in the mud with a net full of fish looking for a carrier, and they are all sitting on the bank chatting, more words and back they come, only for me to wake up that they are only taking 1 or two fish each Lao Kao affected trip.

So we swap jobs ,I tell them "you catch ,I will carry. so at near 70 years ,here I am running through the mud with about 20 kg of fish at a trip.

Well eventually the fish got moved and while I moved equipment to the next pond ready for an even earlier start tomorrow ,they collected all the goodies they wanted ,then came a 3 hour feast and more Lao Kao .

I went down to the festivities late this afternoon to ask them to be on time tomorrow as I will start pumping earlier am. as it is a bigger pond with more than twice as many fish, only to be told that they will all be late tomorrow as the newly elected village rep is throwing a party to celebrate his election,(dont know why, as he paid them all 500 baht each to vote for him).

They all know that the fish have to be moved tomorrow owing to technical problems or we could lose the lot, but they are not prepared to let our losing about 80k worth of fish get in the way of a free party.

Then to cap off a shite day the T/W catches a little blue Kingfisher in a hanging butterfly net and wanted to keep it in a little cage ,so I told her you dont cage those sort of birds and promptly let it go, I even told her of the merits she had earned for saving it and setting it free, That definately did not work and I am in deeper mud on the home front than I was in the ponds today.

And I have an even worse day coming up tomorrow, Boy, retirement to the beach in Sihanoukville is looking more of a prospect every day.

Rant over. "