“I’m a pooyai!” The dilemma of respect in Thai culture

[misskit]

Showing respect for adults and the elderly, collectively known in Thai as “pooyai” (ผู้ใหญ่), is a cultural norm in Thailand, which is widely perceived as a virtue. While abuse of power is, however, becoming increasingly common, from boasting about their seniority and abusing youngsters to expecting special privileges, Thai people have found themselves rethinking how respect should really be perceived.


“Pooyai” also refers to people in positions of power and “influential figures” in their communities.


Therefore, how has this “always-respect-the-pooyai” belief allowed certain people to mistreat whoever they want? How often are our values compromised because pooyais “are always right”?


Most importantly, is it wrong to have no respect for pooyais who treat us badly? Or is it because Thais have been teaching “respect” the wrong way?


What does “respect” mean to Thais?


Universally, respect is respect, regardless of who you are and where you are from, but “respect” in Thai culture is somehow different.


There are several words in the Thai language used to describe respect. The most common is “Kao-rob” (เคารพ) which means to respect someone, such as respecting the elderly or paying respects to the national anthem or a religion. Other words include “Nub-tue” (นับถือ) which means to have huge respect for someone, while “Nob-norm” (นอบน้อม) means to respect someone with a humble attitude, especially when you consider yourself inferior to the other person to whom you are speaking.


The way these terms are described in the Thai language means you respect someone or something only because it is of “high regard”, such as the pooyais, which is going in an upward direction only. Therefore, Thais often find themselves reinforcing the belief of humble respect for whoever is “above” them, but it barely teaches people to respect each other, regardless of status.


A lot of this is rooted in the social hierarchies in Thai culture, where your age, gender, wealth, social status or lineage will determine how you will be treated. This has led people to believe that the higher the ranking, the more authority and respect you will gain, or will expect from others.


For this reason, some people feel entitled to boast about their superiority and talk condescendingly to others, believing that everyone has to be humble and respect them no matter what, because they are in a “higher” position.


This is especially true regarding age, all Thais rank each other by comparing themselves to a family member, such as Pee (พี่, as in older brother or sister), Loong (ลุง, as in uncle), Pah (ป้า, as in aunt), Na (น้า, as in female cousin), Ah (อา, as in male cousin) and Nong (น้อง, as in younger brother or sister).


Such honorifics are supposed to be used based on love and care for others, like a family. Some people, however, use them as a “shield of honour”, to demand respect from whoever they see as “young children”, especially those who seem to be ignorant about seniority. The frustration has even sparked a social media catchphrase “Krai-Nong-mueng-ka” (ใครน้องมึงคะ) literally “Who the hell is your Nong?”. This is used by people to express their irritation with seniors, including complete strangers, who try to patronise them.


This is much more obvious in the Seniority, Order, Tradition, Unity, and Spirit (SOTUS) system in some Thai universities, which forces juniors to respect the seniors submissively, based on the dictatorial rules that “The seniors are always right. The juniors are always wrong. If not, go back to the first and second rules”, and seniors feel entitled to oppress their juniors.


These hierarchical structures have allowed a detrimental power-imbalance to persist. Unfortunately, this problem is not discussed enough in Thai society. When it is not discussed, the pooyais continue to be pompous and feel entitled by seniority and power.


Abuse of power?


Aside from boasting about their seniority, when a pooyai’s pomposity leads them to believe they have the utmost power and influence, they also feel entitled to special treatment and privileges.


Back in 2019, the then-Palang Pracharath party MP Sira Jenjaka blasted two police officers for not providing him with security escorts during his visit to inspect a condominium, allegedly built on disputed land in Phuket. Sira reportedly shouted “I’m a pooyai” and “How dare you raise your voice at me” at the officers, implying that he is a powerful politician and should be respected as such. The notorious incident sparked anger on social media, which prompted the political party to issue a warning to the MP.


Another incident which went viral on social media many years ago involved an industrial estate executive slapping a transgender waitress at a hotel, only because he was not allowed to smoke inside a VIP dining room. The man claimed that the waitress was “rude” to him first, while repeatedly calling the waitress a “child”, reiterating that he is in a much higher position and that she should still speak to him humbly.


The most alarming element of this cultural norm, however, is the belief that pooyais in positions of power will always get away with their wrongdoings, including sexual assault, because they are powerful, influential and well-connected in society. Sadly, stories about politicians, high-ranking government officials and even teachers using their public image to threaten (and quietly settle with) sexual abuse victims are all too common.


For example, it took several years for Prinn Panitchpakdi to be held accountable for a string of sexual assaults, as no one ever thought that a reputable economist and a once rising star of the Democrat party had raped dozens of women. It was not until this year, when he was sentenced to four years and eight months in prison on two convictions, that his “pooyai” bubble was burst.


Even in office settings, people who fall victim to sexual harassment or workplace bullying often feel that they cannot not do anything to the abusers because they are pooyais, who may have the authority to decide their future at the company. This belief persists, even if victims decide to speak out and report the incident to the HR department.


Who is worthy of respect?


So, is it wrong to have no respect for pooyais who treat us badly? Of course not, if we only take fairness into account. However, in Thai culture, which still demands (blind) respect for pooyais, this can be tricky.


This brings us to our final question: What makes a person worthy of respect?


In many other cultures, respect must be earned and cannot be demanded. It is given, not taken. Respect is based on one’s perception of another as being worthy of one’s respect, not vice versa.


Many stories have shown that people are most worthy of respect NOT because of their seniority nor authority, but based on kindness, integrity, compassion and dedication. When people realise the true meaning of respect, they will eventually learn to stand up for themselves against people who use their perceived superiority to take advantage of others.


As much as we still believe in respecting pooyais, which is still a good thing and worth preserving in Thai culture, this is now the time when we seriously need to rethink how we teach respect for generations to come.


Our families and the education system should place more emphasis on teaching us to treat people with kindness and to respect each other equally, based on human dignity and virtue. As Thais have, frankly, been placing too much emphasis on social status, pooyais should actually set a good example for how “respect” should be, instead of boasting about their power over others.


Most of all, we should never be intimidated by people’s fame, seniority, wealth or social prestige and we should never allow them to undermine true values.

OPINION: "I'm a pooyai!" – The dilemma of "respect" in Thai culture | Thai PBS World : The latest Thai news in English, News Headlines, World News and News Broadcasts in both Thai and English. We bring Thailand to the world

[DrWilly]

Interesting article, but hard to see any change happening soon except in the most egregious examples.

[Seekingasylum]

Thai are by nature timid, gutless, sycophantic and fearful, and will immediately show respect in order to ingratiate, to gain an advantage or will do so as an insurance policy protecting their future interests.
Hypocrisy is a fucking religion here they’re that scared of giving offence in case they might incur a cost in standing up for themselves in a potential conflict, either emotionally, financially or, heaven forfend, they might lose face.
Awful society.

[taxexile]

ladies and gentlemen, i give you ronnie pickering.

[taxexile]

Road rage driver Ronnie Pickering explains how life has changed 5 years from rant.

On September 21, 2015, Ronnie Pickering, from Bransholme, got into a road rage spat with a moped rider close to Bransholme Fire Station in Noddle Hill Way in a clip that quickly went viral


ByJames Campbell

13:50, 19 Sep 2022UPDATED14:18, 19 SEP 2022

The star of a viral road rage video has reflected on his fame five years after the incident took place saying he wishes he had never launched into the tirade.

On September 21, 2015, Ronnie Pickering, from Bransholme, got into a road rage spat with a moped rider close to Bransholme Fire Station in Noddle Hill Way.

Heated words were exchanged but, after a while, he moved on and got on with his day.

But little did Ronnie know, he was being filmed on a GoPro and hours later he would become a YouTube sensation after the footage was uploaded by Steve Middleton.

The grandfather-of-five, now 59, was dubbed "road rage Ronnie", was caught on a GoPro camera shouting at a man on a moped in Bransholme.

He uttered the now infamous line: “Do you know who I am?” and then “I’m Ronnie Pickering.”

Those phrases have now followed him ever since, Hull Live reports .




"I had no idea it was being filmed and the first I knew was when a friend texted me and told me it was on YouTube.

“It then got picked up by the likes of UNILAD and it then became one of the country’s best known YouTube videos.

“I think that along with the original YouTube upload and all the other follow-ups and memes, the video has probably had 100m views. It is a bit crazy to think how many people have seen it.

“It seems to have inspired a lot more road rage videos since. There seems to have been a lot more since then.”

While not bitter about the video, Ronnie does question how accurate the video represents what happened.

“People have rows like that all the time but they are not always filmed,” he said.

“The guy wanted a reaction and he got one. The video was heavily edited.

"The footage of him winding me up wasn’t there at all. He edited much of himself out and made it look like he was the victim.

Ronnie Pickering arriving at Hull Magistrates Court after assaulting a drug dealer who had been terrorising one of his neighbours

“To be honest, I was just spouting a lot of gobbledegook. I said things I wouldn’t normally say. I now wish I had never said all that but what can you do?"

The showdown was picked up by media outlets as far away as Australia and was sparked when the moped overtook Mr Pickering's 10-year-old Citroën Xsara as they sat at the front of a queue of traffic waiting to turn right.

Ronnie was seen on the clip shouting four-letter expletives and challenging the motorcyclist to take his helmet off for a "bare-knuckle fight".

In the video, Mr Pickering says to the motorcyclist: "Do you know who I am?"

The bemused motorcyclist replies: "What?"

"Do you know who I am?" the driver repeats.

"Do I care?" retorts the motorcyclist, before adding, "Come on, who are you then?"

"Ronnie Pickering," the man replies.

"Who?"

"Ronnie Pickering!" the driver shouts.

"Who the **** is that?" says the motorcyclist.



"Yeah, me," says Mr Pickering.

"Oh, well. Brilliant!" says the motorcyclist, before adding: "You someone famous, are you?"

At the time, Ronnie apologised, admitted he was “out of order” and accepted he did not come out of it looking good.

There has been no feud between Ronnie and Mr Middleton, but they certainly aren’t friends.

“The guy on the moped was an irritating fella but I have no bad feelings towards him now,” Ronnie said.

“I imagine he made some money from the video. I’d like to think he donated it to charity but I doubt it. I certainly never made a penny."

The video has also meant Ronnie has sometimes become a target and he was filmed being punched and falling over a table by someone who had seen the video.

What is happening where you live? Find out by adding your postcode.


But Ronnie is not one to back down and he further hit the headlines a few years ago after squaring up to Tommy Coyle’s dad Chris at a weigh-in.

He also assaulted a drug dealer selling outside a friend's house which landed him in court.

But there has been no lasting damage and Ronnie takes a light-hearted view of it all now.

“I now see the funny side,” he said.

“It has become a comedy video really. There were unpleasant words had but there was no violence. It made a lot of people laugh.

“It has stayed with me but I do not revel in it. It is certainly not something to be proud of.

“You just have to get on with it. One day I was just me and the next everyone knew the name Ronnie Pickering.

“Some people still come up to be and say ‘do you know who I am?’ but I don’t mind and I have a laugh about it.”

[cyrille]

Everyone remotely interested saw it 8 years ago, ffs.

[baldrick]

Saw what ? Nong kwai.