Drugs, blood, and clenching...happy fecking new year in the sticks

[pseudolus]

The scene was all set. We were to head up to Nakhon Sawan, staying a couple of nights in an empty house in the village which apparently was being renovated to western standard by the owner and was nearly completed next door to her the other halfs Aunt's house, which home to her sister as well. So we get the three dogs into the truck and off we go to celebrate NY and a put the sealing touches to a purchase of four Rai I've been looking at.

Well I must say it is rather nice up there, and arriving in the small village 80ks from the main sprawl with a slight chill in the air which was most welcome along with the ice cold can of piss that the local shop had given to me in exchange for a few coins. Pulling up to the house of the relatives, I became aware of the half finished building site across the and merrily joke that knowing my luck, that would be where we would be staying. It was. Well, it was going to be until I pointed out that it didn't even have a fecking door and as for western style renovation I am assuming they mean western middle of fecking nowhere in NS because upon inspection, the only renovated part was the shitter, complete with brand new hole in the ground dump receiving receptacle, and the only door in the place as well.

"I'm not having this" I state.
"It will be OK" the other half says
"OK? The chickens have better digs than this" I persist
"They're for the chop though" she vouchsafed.
"So will we be when some Yabba'd up nut job walks in whilst we're pissed asleep" I retort, walking straight out and scoping out the outbuildings looking for a better alternative. Enter the abode for the last two nights. In western standards, you might think it was a good home for a tractor, or a classic car you are meaning to fix up. Think three walls of concrete and corrugated metal front and roof. Inside put a bed and a hole in the ground for the bog and that's about it. I decided right there and then that I was not going to shit for 2 days and popped a couple of immodium to help the cause.

Not fancying driving straight back, I make the best of it and get pissed eating grilled pork with the family, and an early night brought on by rapid drinking and fresh air. Why is it that in Thailand, the quieter the village, the louder the home music systems and motorbikes are? With only a single sheet of rusty ill fitting metal between my slumber and the locals noise makers, I manage a fitful couple of hours prior to the cockerels announcing their annoyance at me stealing their bed by going foghorn leghorn at 4.30am. "Kunts" was the first word out of my mouth on a day that was going to test my legendary self restraint.

Nice day walking the dogs;



....and then back for a quick nap before the quiet meal and a few bevvies to see in the new year.

Enter the clowns. The sister of the other half is a useless waste of space; a black sheep, and her friends are truly her peers. By the time they rock up, I've had a few Grey Goose and tonic (slice of lemon, of course) and try to make happy with them. Until



I am most likely about as anti drugs a person as you are likely to meet, and this clown waiving this in my face was hardly going to ensure I was in the party mood. However, I am the guest, and not my place to tell them how to live or celebrate so I keep drinking hoping to forget all about it. Nice idea... until I am informed that they do not plan to smoke it; eating it is the name of the game. in the west they make pot cakes I hear, and in the boonies in Thailand, pot chicken stew is the method of choice. So, about 2 ft away from where I am sat, a shirtless guy grabs a chicken and twirls it around by the head; not a happy new year for it's mum and pop that were watching on I guess.




With some special herbs



Whilst this was cooking and I was trying not to puke as the penang moo was resting on top of 36 hours of eating sans dumping, the rest of the clowns decided it was time to start the fireworks.



which in turn had a soi dog, hips shaking like Elvis with fear, jumping into my lap for safety, who promptly shat himself on my shorts.

It was at this moment that I realised that my hounds, locked in the "chalet" as I lovingly called it, were not only having mis-aimed air bombs galore landing upon their roof, they were basically inside a bass bin speaker of a building and would also be shitting themselves. So, at 11.46pm, I told the other half I was going and that the rest of them could get fucked. Opening the metal door an inch I saw that the scared imprisoned dogs had made a dirty protest to their conditions, with the proof of their fear splattered liberally all over the gaff. The combined effort of trying to start cleaning it up, pissed, and nearly 40 hours of crap pushing at the back door was all too much for me, so in the end I gave in to destiny, grabbed the dogs and walked them to the recently renovated western style house, locked me and them in the toilet and having hosed down the squat and pray, sat down on it and smoked a fag as I unleashed the fury just as Midnight struck. And then I fell asleep.

Last photo...



somewhere back there is a 60 yr old Thai man thinking I am giving him a bundle of cash to buy a plot of land. No fecking chance. Respect to Slap et al who can put up with this shit, but alas there is no way I am getting in the mix with this lot.

Happy fecking new year.

[Dillinger]

hahahaha, fantastic.

I nearly went to Roi Et for the first time and for New Year, until I found out 2 of the Missus brothers were after money for land. I could just imagine at the time, what it would be sat like with the rednecks too,
Not for me either

[Chairman Mao]

somewhere back there is a 60 yr old Thai man thinking I am giving him a bundle of cash to buy a plot of land. No fecking chance. Respect to Slap et al who can put up with this shit, but alas there is no way I am getting in the mix with this lot.

Happy fecking new year.

Great tale.

I'm glad to say that I've never been asked for anything. Though all involved picked up quickly enough that I'm as tight as they come and have no issues in telling retards to fuck off.

Probably why I have no Thai friends.

That was 5 years ago and still going strong. Good on ya mate, tell 'em all get foked.

[pseudolus]

somewhere back there is a 60 yr old Thai man thinking I am giving him a bundle of cash to buy a plot of land. No fecking chance. Respect to Slap et al who can put up with this shit, but alas there is no way I am getting in the mix with this lot.

Happy fecking new year.

Great tale.

I'm glad to say that I've never been asked for anything. Though all involved picked up quickly enough that I'm as tight as they come and have no issues in telling retards to fuck off.

Probably why I have no Thai friends.

That was 5 years ago and still going strong. Good on ya mate, tell 'em all get foked.

Ah no I was going to buy a plot of land from him for myself (me, well my company, not the mrs) to build a house. It's outside of this village, but there is basically no chance I want to be near that bunch of arse. Thinking Opium country in Chiang rai would be safer.

[Chairman Mao]

Yeah, going to a Zoo is okay for an hour.

After that it's time to return home.

[Marmite the Dog]

Probably why I have no Thai friends.

No sane person has.

[nigelandjan]

Close call Soupdeeloops , infact its done you one hell of a favour .

Could wel have ended up an expensive mistake .

Good Somtum style thread though , seems to be getting popular these days , allthough I am sure he has secured a 25% cut

[somtamslap]

Respect to Slap et al who can put up with this shit

I'm Blighty bound this year. Trust.

[Treetop]

I would hire a car to sleep inside.

[pseudolus]

I would hire a car to sleep inside.

I had the truck with me, but I'm not a fan of shitting in my truck lol

[nigelandjan]

Soopdeloops has issues going back to an earlier stage

[bushwacker]

Luckily you got to enjoy (?) a cultural experience rather than make it a way of life.

[pseudolus]

^I think the correct word is Endure.

I must say that the reservoirs and hills around there are awesome for walking and hiking and the weather perfect. If I had decided to buy the land and build the country house there it would have been a lovely place to get away. The shame is that in close proximity to the sister and her friends though would mean I could never relax. So scratch that plan.

[kingwilly]

I call on the condition of the digs...


until you can produce a photo.

[taxexile]

Sid james, I think you should read jamescollisters isaan blog.

Google jamescollister thailand.

Its a very well written diary of his move from australia to the wilds of isaan and his experiences with his wifes family and the rubber tappers that work for him, as well as the differing lifestyles of falangs there.

Should help you in coming to a decision.

[Necron99]

very good, wheres that lake?

[pseudolus]

I call on the condition of the digs...


until you can produce a photo.

At the back of the dogs. the far one is the dog that shat on me.


inside the chalet.



Why would I lie? daft sausage.

[pseudolus]

Sid james, I think you should read jamescollisters isaan blog.

Google jamescollister thailand.

Its a very well written diary of his move from australia to the wilds of isaan and his experiences with his wifes family and the rubber tappers that work for him, as well as the differing lifestyles of falangs there.

Should help you in coming to a decision.

No intention of ever living in the sticks; just a long weekend get away place for fridays to monday basically was the idea. Even that would be too long though.

very good, wheres that lake?

put 15.555575,99.436569 into google maps. Its the Reservoir near Rabam. Up your way I believe.

[somtamslap]

jamescollister

He's a member on here I think..

[palexxxx]

^ yes he is, if you look in the 'farming and gardening in Thailand' section, he is the one who provides the answers for growing rubber tree type questions.

https://teakdoor.com/farming-and-gard...ees-101-a.html (Rubber trees 101)

[deathstardan]

Many moons ago I had a GF from Maha Sarakham. I went up there one Songkran.

In the three days I was there, it convinced me I never wanted to live in Isaan and that my future in-laws were one step away from just discovering the wheel.

Never again....

[Gravesend Dave]

Many moons ago I had a GF from Maha Sarakham. I went up there one Songkran.

In the three days I was there, it convinced me I never wanted to live in Isaan and that my future in-laws were one step away from just discovering the wheel.

Never again....

Iv been to Maha Sarakham to visit a so called farm and yes it a shit hole.

That,s not all of Issan though,explore some more and your find places much more appealing.

[Rural Surin]

Many moons ago I had a GF from Maha Sarakham. I went up there one Songkran.

In the three days I was there, it convinced me I never wanted to live in Isaan and that my future in-laws were one step away from just discovering the wheel.

Never again....

Was that before or after they invented fire?

[cawkazn]

they do the weed soup thing here in usa too.

[Boon Mee]

I've had a few Grey Goose and tonic (slice of lemon, of course) and try to make happy with them.



I am most likely about as anti drugs a person as you are likely to meet, and this clown waiving this in my face was hardly going to ensure I was in the party mood.
With some special herbs

Puttin' on the HI SO airs with the Grey Goose (w/lemon) wasn't gonna endear you with the boys that simply wanted to spin up a Doob and get high with the Farang, eh?