Thread: Quick Jokes

Mine hates it when she asks me if I have a mia noi. I reply with ''Yes.....you are my mia moi.''

Originally Posted by Cujo

Originally Posted by Maanaam

My wife hates it when I introduce her as my ex-girlfriend.

Mine hates it when I introduce her as my first wife.

Haha, just as good

Originally Posted by david44

How do you titillate an ocelot?Oscillate its tit a lot.

Sounds like one of your own....clever.

Old public school language studies ditty. Stephen Fry et al..

Originally Posted by Maanaam

Sounds like one of your own....clever.

cannot claim the credit a friend sent it to me, but it's oddly funny and quite a mouthful

Originally Posted by VocalNeal

Old public school language studies ditty. Stephen Fry et al..

Ah, yes, very Fry-et-al-esque.

What did the deaf, dumb and blind kid get for Christmas?A pinball machine.

Got an e-mail from a bored housewife looking for some action.Eager to please, I sent her my ironing.

Genie: You have two wishes.
JOHN: I want to be rich.
Genie: Granted. Now what is you 2nd wish?
RICH: I want lots of money.

My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.

I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."

Wife comes home from doing the shopping one day and sees her husband sitting on the sofa with a hairdryer blowing on his cock.The wife asks, "What the hell are you doing?"The husband replies, "Just heating up your dinner!


There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those that understand binary and those that don

Belgium : A country invented by the British to annoy the French.- Charles de Gaulle

A very sad day today. After several years of medical training and hard work, a very good friend of mine has been struck off after just one minor indiscretion - he slept with one of his patients and can now no longer work in the profession.

What a waste of all that training and money. A genuinely nice guy and an excellent mortician.

The Three Wise Men arrived to visit the Child lying in the manger.
One of the wise men was exceptionally tall and smacked his head on the low doorway as he entered the stable.

"Jesus Christ!" he exclaimed.

"Write that down, Mary," said Joseph. "It's better than Derek."

Why do they call camels the ship of the desert?
Its full of Arab seamen

I remember back when I met my girlfriend and took her home to meet the family for the first time.
Wife hit the fuckin' roof.

Why wasn"t Christ born in America?They couldn"t find three wise men and a virgin.

Friendship between Women: A woman didn"t come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend"s house. The man called his wife"s 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it. Friendship between Men:

A man didn"t come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a buddy"s house. The woman called her husband"s 10 best Friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.

Originally Posted by david44

Why wasn"t Christ born in America?They couldn"t find three wise men and a virgin.

You got to wonder what went through Josephs mind when the night his son was born 3 swarthy dudes he didn't know turned up with gifts.

Originally Posted by Cujo

Originally Posted by david44

Why wasn"t Christ born in America?They couldn"t find three wise men and a virgin.

You got to wonder what went through Josephs mind when the night his son was born 3 swarthy dudes he didn't know turned up with gifts.

You've got to wonder what went through his mind when his missus told him a ghost got her pregnant.

Originally Posted by harrybarracuda

Originally Posted by Cujo

Originally Posted by david44

Why wasn"t Christ born in America?They couldn"t find three wise men and a virgin.

You got to wonder what went through Josephs mind when the night his son was born 3 swarthy dudes he didn't know turned up with gifts.

You've got to wonder what went through his mind when his missus told him a ghost got her pregnant.

Probably thought she said "goat".

After seven years of medical training and hard work, my very good friend has been fired after one minor indiscretion and I think it's outrageous .
He slept with one of his patients and now can no longer work in the profession that he loves.What a waste of time, training and money.
A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant mortician

Originally Posted by david44

Why wasn"t Christ born in America?They couldn"t find three wise men and a virgin.

Friendship between Women: A woman didn"t come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend"s house. The man called his wife"s 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it. Friendship between Men:

A man didn"t come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a buddy"s house. The woman called her husband"s 10 best Friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.

Some really funny ones today David. It made my day.

Election and Erection are spelled almost exactly the same. They both mean the same thing too. A dick rising to power.