If innuendos were made illegal, I'd definitely be going down.
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If innuendos were made illegal, I'd definitely be going down.
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.
Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to
change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could
think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the
parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.
For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.
Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out
onto John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and
actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do
everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."
John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.
As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior,
the bird spoke-up, very softly, "May I ask what the turkey did?"
^ post # 13771
https://teakdoor.com/famous-threads/9...e-net-345.html
I shall cover myself in sackcloth and ashes, and beat myself to within 2.54cm of my life.
^ Good, I hope you've seen the error of your ways.
"There's not a day goes by I don't feel regret. Not because I'm in here, because you think I should. I look back on the way I was then: a young, stupid kid who committed that terrible crime. I want to talk to him. I want to try to talk some sense to him, tell him the way things are. But I can't. That kid's long gone, and this old man is all that's left. I got to live with that. Rehabilitated? It's just a bullshit word. So you go on and stamp your form, sonny, and stop wasting my time. Because to tell you the truth, I don't give a shit."
Hillarious.Quote:
Originally Posted by harrybarracuda
^ &^^Morgan Freeman in The Shawshank Redemption?...
Sic 'im, Dawg...Quote:
Originally Posted by Koojo
I went to the doctor’s office the other day and found out that my new doctor is ayoung female and drop dead gorgeous.
I was embarrassed, but she said, “Don't worry, I am a professional – I've seen it all before. Just tell me what’s wrong and I'll check it out
I said, “My wife thinks that my dick tastes like asparagus”
Last night my wife sent me a text, saying she was in casualty.
When I got home I watched all 50 minutes of it, never saw her once, the lying cow.
She still hasn't come home yet. I'm starving!
Dear Santa,
Please send some clothes for all the poor ladies in my daddy's computer.
A man went to a French restaurant. The menu was in French and he spoke no French. When the waiter asked his choice, he told the waiter to bring out the restaurant's specialty. The man had a truly fantastic meal.
The waiter asked if the man wanted dessert. He responded that the waiter should bring out the restaurant's specialty. The waiter that it was the peach poosay, and he would order it for him. A short time later, a waitress came out with a covered silver platter. She took the cover off and there was a peach that had been quartered and pitted. The waitress proceeded to raise her skirt and take a piece of the peach and push it in and out of her vagina! She then picked up the rest of the pieces and did the same thing with them.
The man called the waiter over an asked, "Am I actually expected to eat the peach after that?" The waiter responded, "Why, no, Monsieur. You eat the poosay."
Two women sat quietly on a park bench minding their own business......:)
^^^^^ :rofl:
Two old guys sitting on a bench in the park.
"nice out isn't?"
"yes..."
so he left it out...
groan..
:smileylaughing::smileylaughing::smileylaughing:Quote:
Originally Posted by Kurgen
A flying insect just flew into my kitchen and exploded.
I think it was a Jihaddy long legs.
First woman on the Moon:
"Houston, we have a problem."
What?
"Never mind"
What's the problem?
"Nothing"
Please tell us?
"You know what the problem is."
What's the difference between Oscar Pistorius and George Michael?
Oscar Pistorius has only been arrested once for firing off a few rounds in a toilet.
Difference between a shopping trolley and a woman?
The shopping trolly has a mind of it's own. :D
What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? Not sure, but the flag is a big plus.
Name 3 famous Belgians
Adolphe Sax.Quote:
Originally Posted by SiLeakHunt
Audrey Hepburn.
Leo Hendrik Baekeland.
TinTin and Poirot no wonder Marc Dutroux wasn't uncovered.Quote:
Originally Posted by SiLeakHunt