Quick Jokes

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Originally Posted by iamcrazy

I have some new and fresh jokes about unemployed people but it doesn't matter none of them work.

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There you go.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by snakeeyes

^^^^^
Sheriff Cuju is bullying again , :)

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Oh do fuck off you boring Irish twat.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by iamcrazy

Best pun i've heard in a while..

I'm emotionally constipated. I haven't given a shit in days.

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:rofl:
Got to spread the love.

I was in Boots today and someone threw a bottle of Omega 3 capsules at me.

Thankfully, my injuries were only super fish oil.

A man lied to me on the elevator once. I told him 'you're wrong on so many levels'.

A mom finds some BDSM magazines under her son's bed.

She tells her husband and asks, "what do you think we should do?

The dad frowns and says, "well, I suppose spanking him is out of question."

Life is a lot like a penis - soft, relaxed and hanging free..... then a woman makes it hard.

I was masturbating today and my hand fell asleep - that's got to be the ultimate rejection.

Men are like public toilets - the good ones are taken and CUJO is full of crap.

How do you keep an idiot in suspense?

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Originally Posted by GracelessFawn

Men are like public toilets - the good ones are taken and CUJO is full of crap.

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That's the TRUTH an the TOTAL truth. So sad I could not GREEN you for that.

I drink a lot of brake fluid but I'm not addicted. I can stop whenever I want.

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Originally Posted by fred flintstone

How do you keep an idiot in suspense?

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What was the question?:gwbush:

Dyslexic man walks into a bra

A farmer had 197 cows in the pasture. After he round them up he had 200.

I took the wife to a modern art gallery today. She looked closely and sneered, "I suppose this monstrosity is what you call art."

I said, "No, that's a mirror dear"

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Originally Posted by iamcrazy

vodka/water bad for health, whisky/water bad for health, rum/water too and so is gin/water.
i think there is something wrong with water.

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By gosh I think you may be right.

I saw my therapist the other day, he said I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.

I'm seeing this girl with eczema.

She's got a cracking body

Car of the year 2017 as voted for by the readers of Woman's Own is....

A blue one

My dad always said "The first rule of theatre is to always leave them wanting more",

Great bloke..

Terrible anaesthetist

I went to the ATM yesterday, an old lady asked me if I could help check her balance, so I pushed her over.

I asked my missus to polish my medieval battle uniform while I went down the pub.
She always said she wanted a night in, shining armour.

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Originally Posted by toslti

I asked my missus to polish my medieval battle uniform while I went down the pub.
She always said she wanted a night in, shining armour.

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:rofl:

And quick.
Greened.

Today I happened to be in the area where I grew up so I went and checked out my old childhood home. I knocked and asked if I could look around a bit, but they said no and shut the door in my face.



My parents can be so fucking rude sometimes