Quick Jokes

**VocalNeal** · 30-12-2016, 09:41 AM

If I were in France, I'd be homme right now.

**Maanaam** · 30-12-2016, 10:52 AM

I think going to a Thai dentist is more fun.

**Storekeeper** · 04-01-2017, 12:14 PM

**chassamui** · 04-01-2017, 02:47 PM

"Mummy, why are you white and I'm black"

"Son, after that party, you're lucky you don't bark"

**nidhogg** · 04-01-2017, 03:00 PM

My mate went to the doctor and told him he'd managed to get a cricket ball stuck up his arse.

"How's that", said the doctor.

**chassamui** · 04-01-2017, 04:04 PM

Two tramps are having a chat by the railway.
'I found this gorgeous girl tied to the tracks last week. Saved her before a train came, and then had 2 hours of the best sex of my life with her as a result'
'Really? Wow. Blonde or Brunette?
'Don't know, couldn't find the head'

**Maanaam** · 07-01-2017, 06:56 AM

My goal for 2016 was to lose 10 kilos.
Only 15 to go!

**Neverna** · 07-01-2017, 12:06 PM

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

**GracelessFawn** · 07-01-2017, 06:45 PM

If your boyfriend remembers your eye color after the first date, then you probably have small boobs

**kingwilly** · 08-01-2017, 08:11 AM

I went into a shop today to buy a Dracula costume.
The girl tried to sell me a Manchester United shirt.
I said, "I think you misheard me", I said "I wanted to look like a Count!"

**GracelessFawn** · 08-01-2017, 06:48 PM

Boobs are just proof that men can focus on two things at once

**VocalNeal** · 08-01-2017, 08:26 PM

^ Forget making me a sandwich then!

**Gazza** · 08-01-2017, 09:45 PM

Originally Posted by GracelessFawn

Boobs..............

mmmm....booooobsssss. Sorry, what was the question again?

I love it when women type dirty.

**UrbanMan** · 13-01-2017, 01:33 AM

Why don't Jewish men eat pussy? Too close to the gas chamber.

What did the dildo and tampon say to each other? Nothing, they are both stuck up cunts.

Life is like toilet paper. You are either on a roll, or taking shit from some ass.

One day a teacher had a taste test with her students. She picked a little boy to do the first test. She blindfolded him, put a Hershey kiss in his mouth and asked,
"Do you know what it is?" "No, I don't," said the little boy. "Okay, I'll give you a clue. It's the thing your daddy wants from your Mom before he goes to work." Suddenly, a little girl at the back of the room yelled, "Spit it out! It's a piece of ass!"

**Chittychangchang** · 13-01-2017, 03:12 AM

My friend can only sleep on stacks of old magazines.

He's got back issues....

**PAG** · 14-01-2017, 10:03 AM

A women goes to see a Gynecologist, the Doctor puts her legs up in the stirrups and says "Christ that's the biggest, deepest fanny I've ever seen.... Christ that's the biggest, deepest fanny I've ever seen"!

The women says embarrassingly "OK, you don't have to say it twice", the Doctor says "I didn't".

**John Lennon** · 14-01-2017, 10:21 AM

If you wish to win friends & influence people, provide them with a business card -

SENIOR DYPSOMANIAC.

**GracelessFawn** · 14-01-2017, 10:23 AM

PAG you dirty bastaird..... It made my day.

Happy morning!

**OhOh** · 16-01-2017, 12:44 PM

Originally Posted by adam03

If you wish to win friends & influence people, provide them with a business card -

SENIOR DYPSOMANIAC.

Where do you buy your floor sealer, for the floor in your avatar, from?

**VocalNeal** · 16-01-2017, 12:48 PM

^ It is not very reflective?

**toslti** · 18-01-2017, 03:30 PM

A message just popped up on my monitor telling me that I need to replace the cyan cartridge in my printer.

It was completely out of the blue.

**Chittychangchang** · 20-01-2017, 12:17 AM

Two women knocked at my door & asked what bread I ate. When I said "White" they lectured me on the benefits of brown bread for 30 minutes.Fuckin Yer"Hovis Witnesses.

**harrybarracuda** · 21-01-2017, 02:57 AM

Donald Trump is President.

If that isn't the funniest fucking joke this year, my name is Rene Van Der Kerkof.

**nidhogg** · 21-01-2017, 09:16 AM

Five out of six people agree that Russian Roulette is safe.

**nidhogg** · 21-01-2017, 09:49 AM

Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.

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