Thread: Quick Jokes

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a very attractive woman waving at him.
She says, 'Hello.'He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from.
So he asks, 'Do you know me?'
To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife.
So he asks, 'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table,
with all my buddies watching, while your girl friend whipped my butt with wet celery?'
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.

Little billy was watching TV in his bedroom. He comes downstairs and asks, "Dad, what's love juice?" His father looks at him horrified and tells him all about sex and why a woman's vagina gets wet. Billy just sits there with his mouth wide open in amazement. His dad asks, "So, what you been watching billy?" Billy replies, "Wimbledon!"

Originally Posted by charleyboy

Little billy was watching TV in his bedroom. He comes downstairs and asks, "Dad, what's love juice?" His father looks at him horrified and tells him all about sex and why a woman's vagina gets wet. Billy just sits there with his mouth wide open in amazement. His dad asks, "So, what you been watching billy?" Billy replies, "Wimbledon!"

Classic.

I was at the patent office to register my inventions.
I went to the main desk to sign in and the lady at the desk had a form that had to be filled out.

She wrote down my personal info and then asked me what I had invented.
I said, “A folding bottle.”
She said, “Okay, what do you call it?”
“A Fottle.”
“What else do you have?”
“A folding carton.” “What do you call it?”
“A Farton.”
She sniggered and said, “Those are silly names for products and one of them sounds kind of crude.”

I was so upset by her comment that I grabbed the form and left the office without even telling her about my folding bucket.

^

If France can hold out for 90 mins against Germany on Thursday evening in the Euro 2016 semi final, they will beat their previous record they set in 1940 !

Hi Bubba hear you have a new wife ?

Yea Abner

Whats she like Bubba ?

Shes a bit dirty Abner.

Hows that Bubba ?

Well if I want a piss at night I gotta go outside because the sinks always full of dirty dishes.

STOP PRESS:

Man abducted by aliens seeks probe

My arse was sore after a curry.
The wife said "ringsting?"

I said ''what the fuck will he know about it?"

^ probably quite a lot...

Why Are Hemorrhoids Called "hemorrhoids" Instead Of "assteroids"?

I've split up with my girlfriend because she says all I do is talk about football.

I'm so upset, I was with her for 5 seasons.

The Mrs has finally persuaded me to get some help with my drinking.

So I've got four mates coming over tonight for a piss up.

I saw a fortune teller the other day that said I would come into some money.

Last night I fucked a girl called Penny, spooky or what.?

Atheism Is A Non-prophet Organization.

Originally Posted by Eliminator

The 10 assteroids I have on my IGNORE LIST will either DIE or go to jail or just flounce. I don't give a rats' ass how they go away, I know this would be a better FORUM without these people. When is PC going to DIE like it should.

Wrong thread?

Originally Posted by Eliminator

What's the difference between a NEW whore and an OLD one?




A new whore will use Poly Grip and an old one will use:





Polly Grip. Poligrip® Strong Hold

????

You a fukking senile.

Do Infants Enjoy Infancy As Much As Adults Enjoy Adultery?

During last night's high winds an African family were killed by a falling tree.
A spokesman for the Birmingham City council said "We didn't even know they were living up there".

^*****

What Do You Do When You See An Endangered Animal Eating An Endangered Plant ?

I went to a funeral yesterday wearing a tee shirt.
They said it was disrespectful, but I said it was my right to bare arms.