Thread: Quick Jokes

My Jewish friend was saying he didn't think the Jews would ever escape Prejudiced Stereotypes.

I said 'Don't talk like that.'

He said 'No I'm serious'

I replied 'No, I'M serious - don't talk like that - it's fucking whiney.'

You can't have your cake and eat it.

I know of at least eleven Australians who spent most of the last 3 months praying for rain.

I saw this nigger in Nikes running down the road with a huge TV in his arms.
I thought briefly, "That looks like mine."
Then I realised, mine wears adidas.

I always find a good wank is spoilt when I am watching a woman masturbate on Pornhub and then a man arrives with his cock out and joins in.

"Fuck off, Dad, and watch your own porn!"

I went out for a nice meal one day when the waiter asked, "How would you like your steak, sir?"

"The same way I like my sex," I replied.

He smiled and said, "So, rare?"

[at][at][at][at].

Smacked the missus on the arse last night.
"into the bedroom with you wench" I said.
She giggled "Oh you horny devil"
"No, seriously" I said. "fuck off, the footy's about to start."

What is white and covers the streets first thing on a winter's morning?

Employed people.

Man walks into a library and asks for a book defining Scat porn. Librarian says "You don't want that mate, it's shit!"

Originally Posted by Dug

Smacked the missus on the arse last night. "into the bedroom with you wench" I said. She giggled "Oh you horny devil" "No, seriously" I said. "fuck off, the footy's about to start."

I said to Laosy yesterday..
"Take all your clothes off".
She replied "What position do you want me in"?
"Oh no darling, I don't wanna fuck you." I said.
"It's just I'm going down the pub and I,m gonna turn the air con off"."

A farmer walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says: "This is the pig I have to fuck when you're not up for sex".
His wife says: "I think you'll find that's a sheep".
He says: "I think you'll find I was talking to the fucking sheep".

What's brown and fiddly?

A brown fiddle.

Don't you hate it when you're driving along, smoking a cigarette, and you flick your cigarette out of the window, and you drive for a couple more miles, and you smell summat funny, and you look over to the back seat, and sure enough, grandma's fingering herself again...

Originally Posted by Dug

, "How would you like your steak, sir?"

Originally Posted by Dug

"The same way I like my sex," I replied.

'Hot and black' I bet was his real answer to you.

The first all black Monopoly Game!

I've heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children's-oriented iPod after realizing that iTouch Kids is not a good product name.

A new Muslim clothing shop opened here in Sanford

- I've been banned from it after asking to look at some bomber jackets

A friend of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin. I asked, "How can you tell them apart?"

- He said, "Her brother has a moustache"

The Red Cross knocked at my door asking if I could help towards the floods in Pakistan.

- I said I would love to but my hose only reaches the bottom of the driveway.

Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it on FaceBook. I said "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!"

- Next thing I know 4000 Muslims have added me as a friend!!

Shiloh Jim

True wisdoms of our time:
It's not whether you win or lose,
but how you place the blame.

You are not drunk
if you can lie on the floor
without holding on.

We have enough "youth".
How about a fountain of "smart"?

The original point and click interface
was a Smith & Wesson.

A Fool and his money
can throw one heck of a party

When blondes have more fun do they know it?

Five days a week my body is a temple.
The other two it's an amusement park.

LEARN FROM YOUR PARENTS' MISTAKES
USE BIRTH CONTROL

Money isn't everything,
but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

Don't Drink and Drive
You might hit a bump and spill something.

If at first you don't succeed
skydiving is not for you

Reality is only an illusion
that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.

Time's fun when you're having flies.
.....Kermit the Frog

We are born naked, wet and hungry.
Then things get worse.

Red meat is not bad for you
Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

Ninety-nine percent of all lawyers
give the rest a bad name.

Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge
to produce reproductive organs.

Alabama state motto:
At least we're not Mississippi

ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE IS NO
MATCH FOR NATURAL STUPIDITY.

The latest survey shows that
three out of four people make
up 75% of the population

"You know why a banana is like a politician?"
"He comes in and first he is green, then he turns yellow
and then he's rotten."

"I think Congressmen should wear uniforms like NASCAR drivers so we
could identify their corporate sponsors."

When your Mother kissed you goodnight, did you ever wonder if she'd just given your Father a blow-job?

I don't understand rich people. They get to go out killing pheasants and foxes with rifles and dogs and people clap and cheer.

I killed a horse, which is ten times the size of a pheasant and people just cried.

Plus I didn't even have a gun, I had to use a hammer.

One for socal

My friends say that I'm gay because I don't like football.

What a bunch of idiots.

I'm gay because I like cock.

Leaving my worming medicine clearly on display next to my shower gel made my time in prison a little more comfortable.

Boon mee, you fuckong moron. Do you understand QUICK jokes????
Put these jokes in the main forum. Fucking hell.

That's pretty good for Boon.