Dear Diary,


AUG 12: Moved to our new home in Maine. It is so beautiful here. The mountains are so majestic. Can hardly wait to see snow covering them.



OCT 14: Maine is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves are turned all the colors and shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through the beautiful mountains and saw some deer. They are so graceful. Certainly they are the most wonderful animals on earth. This must be paradise. I love it here.



NOV 11: Deer season will start soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting to kill such a gorgeous creature. Hope it will snow soon.



DEC 2: It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed with white. It looks like a postcard. We went outside and cleared the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight (I won), and when the snow-plow came by, we had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place. I love Maine.



DEC 12: More snow last night. I love it. The snow-plow did his trick again to the driveway. I love it here.



DEC 19: More snow last night! Couldn't get out of the driveway to get to work. I am exhausted from shoveling. Fcuking snow-plow!



DEC 22: More of that white shit fell last night. I've got blisters on my hands from shoveling. I think that the snow-plow hides around the curve and waits until I'm done shoveling the driveway. Asshole.



DEC 25: Merry Fucking Christmas! More friggen snow. If I ever get my hands on the son-of-a-bitch who drives the snow-plow I swear I'll kill the bastard. Don't know why they don't use more salt on the roads to melt the fcuking ice!



DEC 27: More white shit fell last night. Been inside for three days except for shoveling out the driveway after the snow-plow goes through everytime. Can't go anywhere, car's stuck in a mountain of white shit. The weatherman says to expect another 10" of that shit again tonight. Do you know how many shovels full of snow 10" is?



DEC 28: The fcuking weatherman was wrong. We got 34" of that white shit this time. At this rate it won't melt before the summer. The snow-plow got stuck up in the road and that bastard came to the door and asked to borrow my shovel. After I told him I had broken six shovels already shoveling all the shit he pushed into the driveway, I broke the last one over his fcuking head! He is suing me.



JAN 4: Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on the way back, a damned deer ran in front of the car and I hit it. Did about $3,000 damage to the car. Those fckuing beasts should be killed. Wish the hunters had killed them all last November!



APRIL 3: All that snow is finally melted. Now the basement is full of water and the driveway is 6" deep in mud. Car got stuck and I had to call the tow truck. Guess who was driving it and he hadn't forgotten the snow shovel incident.



MAY 3: Took the car to the garage in town. Would you believe the thing is rusting out from that fcuking salt they put all over the roads. Had to pay $200 to have them fix the broken spring from the frost heaves.



MAY 10: Black flies are so thick I can't even see out of the car
windshield.



JUNE 21: Planted a garden but the deer came out of the woods and ate the plants. I went to town today to buy a gun. If I see one of those fcuking four-legged vegematics I am going to blow its head off!



JULY 7: Moved to our new home in Miami. It's beautiful here. The beaches are great! I Can't imagine why anyone would want to live in that god-forsaken State of Maine!