The Laws of Golf

LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, you should have
inner peace knowing that a shittier one is yet to come. (This law
does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural
tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and,
eventually, a lifetime.)

LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost
immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the
latter increases with the number of people you tell about the
former.

LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. (Though this
cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more
expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.
Expensive clubs have been known to be partly made with this most
unusual natural alloy.)

LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If
one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should
be cut down.

LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his
playing partners must solemnly chant "You looked up," or invoke
the wrath of the universe.

LAW 6: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he
deems himself as an instructor.(Funny how this law also applies
to men who have no sex and advice on picking up women.)

LAW 7: Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to
humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire.
(Funny how this law applies to women.)

LAW 8: Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man.

LAW 9: Palm trees eat golf balls.

LAW 10: Sand is alive. It will swallow your balls.

LAW 11: Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point
from the clubhouse.

LAW 12: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger
than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit
into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler,
a convicted murderer and an IRS agent -- or some similar
combination.

LAW 13: All 3-woods are demon-possessed. (Your Mother in Law,
does not come close.)

LAW 14: Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one
another, particularly out of bounds or into the water (See Law
three).

LAW 15: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.

LAW 16: "Nice lag" can usually be translated to "lousy putt."
Similarly, "tough break" can usually be translated "way to miss
an easy one, asshole."

LAW 17: The person you would most hate to lose to will always be
the one who beats you.

LAW 18: The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust
your score to what it really should be.

LAW 19: Golf should be given up at least twice per month.

LAW 20: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until
the sunset.