Thread: Obama Jokes

While canvassing neighborhoods in Ohio this Sunday, Barack Obama advised a tax-burdened plumber not to worry about money because under his presidency money will disappear since it will no longer have any meaning anyway. Instead, all Americans will be living off Obama's highly nutritive WealthSpread™ formula that is surprisingly low in effort and is being promoted by a group of leading nutritionists known as the Cook Fringe of the Democrat Party under the brand name "I Can't Believe It's Not Earned!"


"Your new tax plan is going to tax me more, isn't it?" the plumber asked, complaining that he was being taxed "more and more for fulfilling the American dream.

"It's not that I want to punish your success," Obama responded. "I just want to make sure that everybody who is behind you, that they've got a chance for success too ... I think when you spread the wealth around, it's good for everybody."

"So instead of cutting taxes with a kitchen knife we'll butter it up with wealth and spread it around like we earned it," the Democratic candidate continued. "It's a patented foreign blend that is guaranteed to help improve my standing in the polls, but it's made with 100% pure American taxpayer sweat, which once again shows how taxes can be patriotic."

In 2 weeks you could be calling him Mr President!

Laugh! I nearly did! Not.

Originally Posted by Boon Mee

under his presidency money will disappear

It's happening already and it has been going on for a few years.
How long will it take for US to realize that it has to print some more dollars?

Q. What’s the difference between Ross Perot and Barack Obama?
A. Ross Perot is crackpot with big ears; Barack Obama is a pothead with big ears.

Q. Why is Barack Obama jealous of Hillary Clinton?
A. She the one with the cojones.

Q Why is Oprah supporting Obama?
A She has a history of supporting frauds.

Q. What made Barack help a Chicago slumlord to victimize the poor?
A. The check.

Q. Why does Barack want higher taxes?
A. Cause he won’t be the one paying them.

Q: What's the problem with Barack Obama jokes?
A: His followers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes.

Giving money and power to Barack Obama is like giving liquor and car keys to a teenage boy. (Tip o’ the hat to P. J. O’Rourke)

Q: Why are there so few real Barack Obama jokes?
A: Most of them are true stories.

Q. What's the difference between Pinocchio and Barack Obama?
A. Obama's nose doesn't grow when he lies.


Q. Candidate Obama has been telling us, “Yes We Can.” What will President Obama tell us?
A. “Yes You Will.”

Q. Why does Barack Obama support our servicemen?
A. He doesn’t.

Q. Why did Barack Obama decide to be a lawyer?
A. He didn’t want to have to work for a living.

Q: What is a lawyer gone bad called?
A: Senator Obama.

Q. What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
A. Deductible.

Q. Why did Barack Obama register to run for office as a Democrat?
A. The Communist Party doesn’t have enough voters.

Q. Why does Barack Obama oppose the Second Amendment?
A. It stands between him and the First.

Q. Why won’t Barack Obama’s presidential jet be flight worthy?
A. It will only have a left wing.

Marie Antoinette said, “Let them eat cake.”
Barack Obama says, “Let them eat arugala.”

Robin Hood took from the rich and gave to the poor.
Barack Obama takes from the middle class and sticks it to the poor.

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If John McCain is elected President of the United States then the French will immediately surrender to us. If Barack Obama is elected President then the French will immediately invade us.

Here an interesting fact: If you add John McCain's age and Barack Obama's age together you'll get the number of times Obama usually says "uh" when answering a question.

The age disparity between the two candidates in the upcoming election is significant. John McCain is 71 years old. By contrast, Barack Obama is 322 years old in dog years.

Q. Why did John McCain cross the road?
A. There was an Old Town Buffet on the other side.
Q, Why did Barack Obama cross the road?
A. To help the other side.

After Barack Obama claimed to have campaigned in 57 states, John McCain should have sent him the name of a good Alzheimer’s specialist.
John McCain rolled up his sleeves and went offshore in the Gulf of Mexico looking for oil for American drivers. Barack Obama responded by going to the shores of Hawaii, taking off his shirt and oiling up his torso for American soccer moms.

Barack Obama's camp claims that John McCain was cheating in their first forum appearance because he actually gave straight answers to the questions. Politicians aren't supposed to do that.

Any candidate that John McCain picks to be his vice president will necessarily be a younger candidate than he is. Any candidate Barack Obama picks to be his vice president will necessarily be better candidate than he is.
It's a hard election for conservatives this year. They'll have to hold their noses tight in order to cast a vote for John McCain. But they'll have to hold on even tighter to their wallets if Obama gets elected.

The sad fact is that if John McCain is elected President he might not last another four more years. A sadder fact is that if Barack Obama is elected President then America might not last another four more years.

Originally Posted by Boon Mee

crap snipped

Dude- this shit just ain't funny. I don't mean that in any political sense, its just not funny in a humerous sense.

Thought you had a bit more sense than to post this drivel.

Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
A: A fund raiser.

The liberals are asking us to give Obama time.
We agree and think 25 to life would be appropriate.
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America needs Obamacare like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask.
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Q: Have you heard about McDonalds new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.
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Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
A: A fund raiser.
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Q: What do Vanilla Ice, Eminem and Barack Obama have in common?
A: They all made careers pretending to be black men.
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Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary?
A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers and threats to society.
The other is for housing prisoners.
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Q: What's the difference between Simba and Obama?
A: Simba is an African lion while Obama is a lyin African.
**********************

On Halloween you put on a false face and trick people.
This year Barack Obama is going as - Barack Obama.
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If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and
it started to sink, who would be saved? ..... America !
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If Nancy Pelosi has her face lifted one more time she'll have a beard!
**********************

Q: What's the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo?
A: Bo has papers.

You just can't stand niggers can you, Boon?

Here's a clue for you Boon. Humor has to have an element of truth in it. Your stuff is not even close to funny. The reason George Bush jokes were funny was that he ACTUALLY was stupid.

Texas Declares War on the USA


ONLY IN TEXAS ????

President Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang.
"Hello, President Obama " a heavily accented southern voice said. "This is Archie, down here at the Joes Crab Shack, Houston Texas , I am callin' to tell ya’ll that we are officially declaring war on ya!"
"Well Archie," Barack replied, "This is indeed important news !
How big is your army ?"
"Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation "there is myself, my cousin Harold , my next-door-neighbor Randy, and the whole dart team from Hooters. That makes eight!" Barack paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Wow," said Archie. "I'll have at call ya back!"
Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. " Mr. Obama , the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be Archie?" Barack asked.
"Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry 's farm tractor."
President Obama sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke."
"Lord above", said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya."
Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day.. " President Obama , the war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified Harolds's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four
boys from the Legion have joined us as well!"
Barack was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell you Archie that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And
since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"
"Oh Lord," said Archie, "l'll have at call you back."
Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. " President Obama ! I am
sorry to have to tell you that we have had to call off this here war."
"I'm sorry to hear that" said Barack . "Why the sudden change of heart?"

Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a few beers, and come to realize that there's just no way we can feed two million prisoners.."

TEXAS CONFIDENCE CANNOT BE SHAKEN

Pinocchio, Snow White and Superman are out for a stroll in town one day. As they walk, they come across a sign: "Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world."
"I am entering!" said Snow White.
After half an hour she comes out and they ask her, "Well, how'd ya do?"
"First Place!" said Snow White.
They continue walking and they see a sign: "Contest for the strongest man in the world."
"I'm entering," says Superman.
After half an hour, he returns and they ask him, "How did you make out?"
"First Place," answers Superman. "Did you ever doubt?"
They continue walking when they see a sign: "Contest! Who is the greatest liar in the world?" Pinocchio enters. After half an hour he returns with tears in his eyes.
"What happened?" they asked.
"Who in the world is Obama?" asked Pinocchio

A man is sitting in the Edgar Bar in Montana and was far from home when Barack Obama comes on TV. The man looks at the TV and says, "Obama is a horse's ass."
Out of nowhere, a local jumps up and punches him in the face, knocking him off his bar stool, then stomps out. He gets back up, rubbing his cheek and orders another beer. Shortly after, Michelle Obama appears on the TV. He looks at the TV and says "She is a horse's ass too!
Out of nowhere, another local punches him in the other side of the face, knocking him off his bar stool again. He gets back up and looks at the
bartender, "I take it this is Obama country?" "Nope." replies the bartender.

"Horse country.

I heard Obama's visit to the troops didn't go too well...heh

^ good but could have done a better job of the photoshopping.

Ruger is coming out with a new pistol in honor of Obama. It will be named the “Union Worker”.



I doesn't work and you can't fire it...

In church Sunday, I over heard the lady in the pew next to me saying a short private prayer. It was so sweet and sincere that I just had to share with you.

Dear Lord,
This has been a tough 12 months ... You have taken my favorite actor, Patrick Swayze, my favorite actress, Farrah Fawcett, my favorite musician, Michael Jackson, my favorite salesman, Billy Mays and my favorite athlete, Steve McNair.

I just wanted you to know that my favorite president is Barrack Obama.

Amen!!

Obama at the bank

Barack Obama walks into the bank to cash a check. “Good morning, Ma’am,” he greets the cashier, “could you please cash this check for me?”
“It would be my pleasure, sir. Could you please show me your ID?”
“Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn’t think there was any need to. I am President Barack Obama, the president of the United States of America!”
“Yes, sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations, monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers, etc, I must insist on seeing ID.”
“Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am.”
“I am sorry Mr. President but these are the bank rules and I must follow them.”
“I am urging you please to cash this check.”
“Ok, this is what we can do Mr. President: One day Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putting iron and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his check. Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and made a fabulous shot, making the tennis ball land in my cup. With that spectacular shot we cashed his check. So, Mr. President, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you, as the president of the United States?”
Obama stands there thinking and finally says, “Honestly, there is nothing that comes to my mind. I can’t think of a single thing I’m good at.”


“Will that be large or small bills, Mr. President?”

Originally Posted by Humbert

Here's a clue for you Boon. Humor has to have an element of truth in it. Your stuff is not even close to funny. The reason George Bush jokes were funny was that he ACTUALLY was stupid.

Here you go, bert!

All kinds of truth in this one:

How do you starve an Obama supporter? It's really very simple.
Just hide their food stamps
under their work shoes.