Thread: Obama Jokes

Texas A&M Study Rated Obama 5th Best President in America’s History. From a total of 44 US Presidents: Obama is rated as the fifth best. The A&M’s Public Relations Office released this statement “After almost six years in office, Americans have rated President Obama the fifth best President ever”.

These are the details according to Texas A&M:

1. Reagan and Lincoln tied for first
2. Twenty three presidents tied for second
3. Seventeen other presidents tied for third
4. Jimmy Carter came in fourth
5. Obama came in fifth.

Heh...

Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven, Barack Obama meets a man with a beard. "Are you Mohammed?" he asks. "No, My Son, I am St. Peter; Mohammed is higher up." Peter then points to a ladder that rises into the clouds.

Delighted that Mohammed should be higher than St. Peter, Obama climbs the ladder in great strides, ascends up through the clouds and comes into a room where he meets another bearded man. He asks again, "Are you Mohammed?" "Why, No", the man answers, "I am Moses; Mohammed is higher still."

Exhausted, but with a heart full of joy, he climbs the ladder yet again, he discovers a larger room where he meets an angelic looking man with a beard. Full of hope, he asks again, "Are you Mohammed?" "No, I am Jesus, the Christ...you will find Mohammed higher up."

Mohammed higher than Jesus! Man, oh Man! Obama can hardly contain his delight and climbs and climbs ever higher. Once again, he reaches an even larger room where he meets this truly magnificent looking man with a silver white beard, and once again repeats his question:

"Are you Mohammed?" he gasps, as he is by now totally out of breath from all his climbing.

"No, My Son.... I am Almighty God, the Alpha and the Omega. But you look exhausted. Would you like a cup of coffee?"
Obama says, “Yes, please”! God looks behind him, claps his hands and yells out:

"Hey Mohammed - two coffees!"

There are many, many jokes about President Obama, though you wouldn’t know it by the relative and admitted silence of several well-known comedians. Though these folks lack the courage to include the president in their material, thankfully not everyone is afraid of their own shadow.

From ObamaforDummies… Enjoy!

> Bob: “Did you hear about the Obama administration scandal?,

> Jim: “You mean the Mexican gun running?”

> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “You mean SEAL Team 6?”

> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “You mean the State Dept. lying about Benghazi?”

> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “You mean voter fraud?”

> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “You mean the military not getting their votes counted?”

> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “The NSA monitoring our phone calls, emails and everything else?”

> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “You mean the of drones in our own country without the benefit of the law?”

> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “Giving 123 Technologies $300 Million and right after it declared bankruptcy and was sold to the Chinese?”

> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “You mean the president arming the Muslim Brotherhood?”

> Bob: “No the other one:.

> Jim: “The IRS targeting conservatives?”

> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “The DOJ spying on the press?”

> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “Sebelius shaking down health insurance executives?”

> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “Giving SOLYNDRA $500 MILLION DOLLARS and 3 months later they declared bankruptcy and then the Chinese bought it?”

> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “The NSA monitoring our phone calls, emails and everything else?”

> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “The president’s ordering the release of nearly 10,000 illegal immigrants from jails and prisons, and falsely blaming the sequester?”

> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “The president’s threat to impose gun control by Executive Order in order to bypass Congress?”

> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “The president’s repeated violation of the law requiring him to submit a budget no later than the first Monday in February?”

> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “The 2012 vote where 115% of all registered voters in some counties voted 100% for Obama?”

> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “The president’s unconstitutional recess appointments in an attempt to circumvent the Senate’s advise-and-consent role?”

> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “The State Department interfering with an Inspector General investigation on departmental sexual misconduct?”

> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “Clinton, the IRS, Clapper and Holder all lying to Congress?”

> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “I give up! … Oh wait, I think I got it! You mean that 65 million low-information voters who don’t pay taxes and get free stuff from taxpayers and stuck us again with the most pandering, corrupt administration in American history?”

> Bob: “THAT’S THE ONE!”

Troy The Plumber Describes Affordable Care

Chicago Plumber

Only weeks after leaving office on January 20, 2017, former President Barack Obama discovers a leak under his sink, so he calls Troy the Plumber to come out and fix it.

Troy drives to President Obama's new house, which is located in a very exclusive, gated community near Chicago, where all the residents have a net income of way more than $250,000 per year.

Troy arrives and takes his tools into the house. He is led to the guest bathroom that contains the leaky pipe under the sink. Troy assesses the problem and tells Obama that it's an easy repair, that will take less than 10 minutes. Obama asks Troy how much it will cost. Troy checks his rate chart and says, "$9,500."

"What?! $9,500?!" Obama asks, stunned, "But you said it's an easy repair. Michelle will whip me if I pay a plumber that much!"

Troy says, "Yes, but what I do is charge those who make more than $250,000 per year a much higher amount so I can fix the plumbing of poorer people for free. This has always been my philosophy. As a matter of fact, I lobbied the Democrat Congress, who passed this philosophy into law. Now all plumbers must do business this way. It's known as the 'Affordable Plumbing Act of 2014'. I'm surprised you haven't heard of it."

In spite of that, Obama tells Troy there's no way he's paying that much for a small plumbing repair, so Troy leaves. Obama spends the next hour flipping through the phone book calling for another plumber, but he finds that all other plumbing businesses in the area have gone out of business. Not wanting to pay Troy's price, Obama does nothing and the leak goes un-repaired for several more days. A week later the leak is so bad President Obama has had to put a bucket under the sink.
Michelle is not happy as she has Oprah and guests arriving the next morning. The bucket fills up quickly and has to be emptied every hour, and there's a risk the room will flood, so Obama calls Troy and pleads with him to return.

Troy goes back to Obama's house, looks at the leaky pipe, checks his new rate chart and says, "Let's see, this will now cost you $21,000."

Obama quickly fires back, "What? A few days ago you told me it would cost $9,500!"
Troy explains, "Well, because of the 'Affordable Plumbing Act,' a lot of wealthier people are learning how to maintain and take care of their own plumbing, so there are fewer payers in the plumbing exchanges. As a result, the price I have to charge wealthy people like you keeps rising. Not only that, but for some reason the demand for plumbing work by those who get it for free has skyrocketed! There's a long waiting list of those who need repairs, but the amount we get doesn't cover our costs, especially paperwork and record-keeping. This unfortunately has put a lot of my fellow plumbers out of business, they're not being replaced, and nobody is going into the plumbing business because they know they can't make any money at it. I'm hurting too, all thanks to greedy rich people like you who won't pay their 'fair share'. On the other hand, why didn't you buy plumbing insurance last December? If you had bought plumbing insurance available under the 'Affordable Plumbing Act,' all this would have been covered by your policy."

"You mean I wouldn't have to pay anything to have you fix my plumbing problem?" asks Obama.

"Well, not exactly," replies Troy. "You would have had to buy the insurance before the deadline, which has passed now. And, because you're rich, you would have had to pay $34,000 in premiums, which would have given you a 'silver' plan, and then, since this would have been your first repair, you would have to pay up to the $21,000 deductible, and anything over that would have a $7,500 co-pay, and then there's the mandatory maintenance program, which is covered up to 17.5%, so there are some costs involved. Nothing is for free."

"WHAT?!" exclaims Obama. "Why so much for a puny sink leak?!"

With a bland look, Troy replies, "Well, paperwork, mostly, like I said. And the internal cost of the program itself. You don't think a program of this complexity and scope can run itself, do you? Besides, there are millions of folks with lower incomes than you, even many in the 'middle class', who qualify for subsidies that people like you must support. That's why they call it the 'Affordable Plumbing Act'! Only people who don't make much money can afford it. If you want affordable plumbing, you'll have to give away most of what you have accumulated and cut your and Michelle's income by about 90%. Then you can qualify to GET your 'Fair Share' instead of GIVING it."

"But who would pass a crazy act like the 'Affordable Plumbing Act'?!" exclaims the exasperated Obama.

After a sigh, Troy replies, "Congress ... because they didn't read it."

President Obama's approval ratings are so low now, Kenyans are saying he was born in the United States.

Originally Posted by RPETER65

> Jim:
> Bob:

there is a joke right there