Thread: Obama Jokes

Originally Posted by Boon Mee

A Poem:
Barack be nimble
Barack be quick
Barack be history
November 6th

Before you start nailing yourself to a cross, you may want to consider that Romney's biggest hurdle was getting through the primaries when the Birthbaggers like you were fawning over Frothy McArsefoam, Moonbase Newt, Token McGropey, Princess Looneyville and Blowdry Van Dipshit.

Well played!

Effective Jan 1, 2013, aspirin will be heavily taxed under Obamacare. The only explanation given was that they are white and they work.

Obama Rated 4th Best President Ever

I just read that after fewer than four years in office, Obama has been rated
the fourth best president ever by the Fort Worth Star- Telegram.

Of all our past presidents:

* Ronald Reagan and 9 others tied for first

* 15 tied for second

* 18 others tied for third
* and Obama came in fourth

Dear Abby,

My husband has a long record of money problems. He runs up huge credit-card bills and at the end of the month, if I try to pay them off, he shouts at me, saying I am stealing his money. He says pay the minimum and let our kids worry about the rest, but already we can hardly keep up with the interest. Also he has been so arrogant and abusive toward our neighbors that most of them no longer speak to us. The few that do are an odd bunch, to whom he has been giving a lot of expensive gifts, running up our bills even more. Also, he has gotten religious. One week he hangs out with Catholics and the next with people who say the Pope is the Anti-Christ, and the next he's with Muslims.. Finally, the last straw. He's demanding that before anyone can be in the same room with him, they must sign a loyalty oath. It's just so horribly creepy! Can you help?

Signed, Lost





Dear Lost

Suck it up and stop whining, Michelle. You're getting to live in the White House for free, travel the world, and have others pay for everything for you. You can divorce the jerk any time you want. The rest of us are stuck with the idiot for 4 more years.

Abby

I thought the idea of 'jokes' was that they were funny.

A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama
fans. Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for
Little Johnny . The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different...Again.
Little Johnny said, "Because I'm not an Obama fan."
The teacher asked, "Why aren't you a fan of Obama?"
Johnny said, "Because I'm a Republican."
The teacher asked him why he's a Republican.
Little Johnn answered, "Well, my Mom's a Republican and my Dad's a
Republican, so I'm a Republican."
Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, "If your mom was a
moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?"
With a big smile, Little Johnny replied, "That would make me an Obama fan."

Originally Posted by Boon Mee

Q. What do Obama and Osama have in common?
A. They both have friends who bombed the Pentagon.

Dick Cheney..?

This one is a Hoot!



zxc

Jay Leno on closing Gitmo:

“President Obama held a press conference earlier today, and he said he still wants to close the Guantanamo Bay prison facility, but he doesn’t know how to do it. He should do what he always does: declare it a small business and tax it out of existence. It will be gone in a minute.”

Leno: "We Wanted A President That Listened To All Americans - Now We Have One"

Did you about the time that Obama said ""I do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my Ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States."

"Actually, President Obama clarified the situation today. He said no one is listening to your phone calls. The president said it's not what the program is all about. You know, like the IRS isn’t about targeting certain political groups. That's not what it's about!" -- Leno

In keeping with the latest Obama Operation Enduring Hesitation in Syria:

Chief Executive of Sparta,
Barack Leonidas Obama,
at the Battle of Thermopylae


Stand down, men. The chairman of the Greek City States Alliance Joint Chiefs of Staff has indicated to me that our capacity to execute this mission against Xerxes is not time-sensitive.

Julius Barack Caesar Obama Crosses the Rubicon

I am crossing the Rubicon. Brrr, the water’s chilly. Deep, too. I’m going for a walk along the riverbank to look for a bridge. And I will cross the Rubicon as soon as the weather warms up. The die has been cast. That is, the deck has been shuffled. Or the Wheel of Fortune has been spun. And I’ll buy a vowel.

Dear Family and Friends,

Most of you know our friend Kathy went in for a surgical procedure for a Butt Lift using the Obama Care Medical Plan through her new state run insurance exchange.

She didn't have the most pleasant experience. She should have left well enough alone.

We wanted to show you how it turned out. We hope this makes you aware of the quality of care you will receive from the Affordable Healthcare Act (Obama Care)

Please, PLEASE, PLEASE . . Don't get a Butt Lift using the Obama Care Medical Plan. The “Obama care qualified Doctor” was a 3 year med student from another country making 12 bucks an hour.

Kathy regrets her decision, I think and we’ll all will regret Obama care. Scroll down…………..

^You terrorist, you!

Originally Posted by Boon Mee

Dear Family and Friends,

Most of you know our friend Kathy went in for a surgical procedure for a Butt Lift using the Obama Care Medical Plan through her new state run insurance exchange.

She didn't have the most pleasant experience. She should have left well enough alone.

We wanted to show you how it turned out. We hope this makes you aware of the quality of care you will receive from the Affordable Healthcare Act (Obama Care)

Please, PLEASE, PLEASE . . Don't get a Butt Lift using the Obama Care Medical Plan. The “Obama care qualified Doctor” was a 3 year med student from another country making 12 bucks an hour.

Kathy regrets her decision, I think and we’ll all will regret Obama care. Scroll down…………..

Your friends a scrounger and a leech on society getting cosmetic procedures from the state.

A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy. Before the procedure a very attractive nurse comes in and takes his vitals, then tells him to take all of his clothes off. He does so rather embarrassed and with care as her looks have caused him to have an erection

When he is fully undressed she instructs him to lie down on the table. The man obeys. The nurse then takes all of her clothes off and climbs on top and has her way with him.

Upon the completion of the act the man catches his breath and asks what that was all about. The nurse informs the patient that studies have shown that before a vasectomy if the man has an ejaculation, he will be more relaxed and that the cord is easier for the surgeon to locate and sever, thereby making the surgery safer, more efficient and quicker.

The nurse then wheels the patient to the operating room.

While they are going down the hall the patient looks through a window to the right and sees six men in a room masturbating.

Curious, the man asks,” What are they doing in there”?

The nurse responds, ” They’re preparing for vasectomies too, but you have Blue Cross, and they have Obummercare.”

The Artist

Early one morning, an elderly retired gentleman yelled to his wife.... "Honey....! Come see what I created....! It's an abstract panorama depicting the five years of the Obama presidency!"

She yelled back, "Flush the damn toilet and come eat your breakfast."

Obama In Hell
One day in the future, Barack Obama has a heart-attack and dies.

He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

Obama thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room.

In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.

"No," Obama said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the door of the next room.

In it was Al Gore with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.

"No, this is no good; I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented Obama.

The devil opened a third door. Through it, Obama saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

Obama looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man, I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said

"OK, Monica, you're free to go”

This one's a Hoot!