Thread: Another Blonde Joke

You are blonde and on a bus, when you suddenly fart.

Luckily the music is very loud.

So every time you fart, you time it with the music.

When you start making your way to the door as you exit the bus
Everybody is throwing dagger looks at you, and you suddenly realize.

You're listening to your IPod!

very good, I hear that Lily is also a Blonde.

Originally Posted by blackgang

very good, I hear that Lily is also a Blonde.

W/no sense of humor...poor thing

^That's so mean..it is funny.

One hot summer day, a blonde came to town with her dog, tied it under the shade of a tree, and headed into a restaurant for something cold to drink.


Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the restaurant and asked, 'Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside?'
The blonde said it was hers.


'Your dog seems to be in heat,' the officer said.
The blonde replied, 'No way. She's cool 'cause she's tied up under that shade tree.'


The policeman said, 'No! You don't understand. Your dog needs to be bred.'


'No way,' said the blonde. 'My dog doesn't need bread. She isn't hungry 'cause I fed her this morning.'


The exasperated policeman said, 'NO! You don't understand. Your dog wants to have sex!'


The blonde looked at the cop and said, 'Well, go ahead. I always wanted a police dog.

Blonde + Escalator!

^ Musta been at the end of the Bruins game. All the elevators are going down. She probably forgot her kid up in the seats.

Three blondes (natural) died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter was.


The first blonde said, "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast
and we give thanks and eat turkey."


St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her to hell.


The second blonde said, "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus' birth and exchange gifts."


St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her to hell.


The third blonde said, she knew what Easter is, and St. Peter said, "So, tell me."


She said, "Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with His disciples when he was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested him. The Romans hung Him on the cross and eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder ...


St. Peter said, "Verrrrrry good."


Then the blonde continued, "Now every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of basketball."


St. Peter fainted.

A blind man wanders into an all girls
biker bar by mistake. He finds his
way to a bar stool and orders some
coffee. After sitting there for a
while, he yells to the waiter, "Hey,
you wanna hear a blonde joke?"


The bar immediately falls absolutely
silent. In a very deep, husky
voice, the woman next to him says,
"Before you tell that joke, sir, I
think it is only fair -- given that
you are blind -- that you should know
five things:


1. The bartender is a blonde girl with
a baseball bat.


2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.


3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. Blonde
woman with a black belt in karate.


4. The woman sitting next to me is
blonde and a professional weightlifter.


5. The lady to your right is blonde
and a professional wrestler. Now,
think about it seriously, Mister. "Do
you still wanna tell that joke?"


The blind man thinks for a second,
shakes his head, and mutters, "No. Not
if I'm gonna have to explain it five
times."

The Champaign Ill. Police Department, famous for its superior K-9 unit, was somewhat taken back by this recent incident.


Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.


The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.


As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the woman ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps put her face in her hands and moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"

A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.

"How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her.


"Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied.


"What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?"


"No, Silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I'm not shooting myself in the chest."


"So then?" asked the doctor.


"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."


"So then?"


"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."

Gas & Sex


A gas station owner in Mississippi was trying to increase his
sales, so he put up a sign that read, 'Free Sex with Fill-Up'.

Soon a local blond redneck pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free
sex.. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed
correctly he would get his free sex. The blond redneck guessed 8, and the
proprietor said, 'You were close. The number was 7.... sorry, no sex
this time.'

A week later, the same blond redneck, along with a buddy, Bubba, pulled in
for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor
again asked him to guess the correct number. The blond redneck guessed 2 this
time.

The proprietor said, 'Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex
this time.'

As they were driving away, the blond redneck said to his buddy, 'I think that
game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex.'
Bubba replied,' No it ain' t, Billy Ray. It ain't rigged. My wife won twice
last week!'

Hahahaha good jokes Boon.

You know why blondes only get 30 minutes for lunch break?
It takes too long to retrain them otherwise.

Three girls all worked in the same office with the same female boss. Each day, they noticed the boss left work early.


One day the girls decided that, when the boss left, they would leave right behind her. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early?


The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, spent playtime with her son, and went to bed early.
The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date.


The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband fooling around with her boss! Gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house.


The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them.


"No way," the blonde exclaimed. "I almost got caught yesterday!"

I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the Local Shopping Center and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.


She was stretched out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there.


I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, 'Now you stay. Do you hear me?' 'Stay! Stay!'


The driver of a nearby car, a pretty blonde young lady, gave me a strange look and said, 'Why don't you just put it in park?

Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie?


They had gone to see 'Closed for the Winter.'

A blonde goes to her local pet store in search of an 'exotic' pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box FULL of frogs.
The sign says: 'SEX FROGS' Only $20 each! Comes with 'complete' instructions.
The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her. She whispers softly to the man behind the counter, 'I'll TAKE one!'


As the man packages the frog, he quietly says to her, 'Just follow the instructions!'
The blonde nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home.
As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she opens the instructions and reads them very carefully. She does EXACTLY what is specified:


1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice perfume.
3. Slip into a very sexy nightie.
4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you, and allow the frog to do what he has been trained to do.


She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise. NOTHING happens! The blonde is very disappointed and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, 'If you have any problems or questions please call the pet store.'


So, she calls the pet store. The man says, 'I'll be right over.' Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The blonde welcomes him in and says, 'See, I've done everything according to the instructions. The damn frog just SITS there!'


The man looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares 'directly into its eyes' and STERNLY says, 'LISTEN TO ME!! I'm only going to show you how to do this ONE MORE TIME!!!!'

Two blonds walk into a building, you think one of them would have seen it. (Thanks to Tommy Cooper for that one)




Two blonds walking in the forest, they see some tracks, One says do you think we will see a bear. Then all of a sudden the train came.

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid. So, she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.


While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.


Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.. He notices that she is wearing a heavy parka and a leather jacket at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing and she replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb, and she wanted to do it by painting the house.


He then asks her why she has a parka over her leather jacket. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it said....


"FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS."

A blonde went to pick up her car from the mechanic.
"What's the story?" she said.
"Just crap in the carburator." He replied.
"How often do I have to that?" She asked.

A couple of blondes in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard.

One of the girls, Jamie, walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."

The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"

Jamie said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. She returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours."

"Alright. How long do you need them?"

Jamie paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go check."

After awhile, she returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."

Brilliant. I'd only heard one of them before. The others were all new to me. And all good. Thanks!

We went to the movie the other night. I sat in an aisle seat
as I usually do because it feels a little roomier. Just as the feature was
about to start a blonde from the center of the row got up and started
working her way out.


"Excuse me, sorry, oops, excuse me, pardon me, gotta hurry, oops, excuse
me."


By the time she got to me I was trying to look around her and I was a
little impatient so I said, "Couldn't you have done this a little
earlier?"


"No!!" she said in a loud whisper, "The TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONE PLEASE
message just flashed up on the screen and mine is in the car."