Thread: Another Blonde Joke

A blonde came running up to her husband in the driveway as he came home from work just jumping for joy. He didn't know why she was jumping for joy but thought, what the heck, and started jumping up and down with her.

She said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!"
He said, "Great, tell me what you're so happy about!"
"I'm PREGNANT!" she yelled.

He kissed her and told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier!"

Then, she said, "Oh, honey, there's more!"
He asked, "What do you mean, 'more?'"

She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby, we are going to have TWINS!"
Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, he asked her how she knew.

She said, "Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and bought the TWIN PACK home pregnancy test kit and BOTH tests came out positive!!"

A man got on the bus with both of his front trouser pockets full of
golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde.

The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."

The blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply
about what he had said.

After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer,
she asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"

This blonde texts me today asking "What does IDK mean?"
I reply "I don't know"
she replies "OMG! NOBODY DOES!

On their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy nightie and with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find her husband had settled down on the couch.

When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, ' It's Lent.'

In tears, she sobbed, ' Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!

'Who did you lend it to, and for how long?'

What do you call a line of Blonde, uninformed voters standing ear to ear?


A wind tunnel.

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.
She proudly says, 'Go ahead, ask me, .... I know 'em all.'


A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?'


The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy. It's W.'

Blonde joke
A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer,
decided to hire herself out as a 'handy-woman' and started canvassing a
nearby well-to-do neighbourhood. She went to the front door of the
first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,' he said, 'How
much will you charge me?'

Delighted, the girl quickly responded, 'How about £50?'

The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she
would need was in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation
said to her husband, 'Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way
around the house?'


Later that day, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

You're finished already?' the startled husband asked.

Yes, the blonde replied, and I even had paint left over, so I gave it
two coats'

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the £50.00 and handed it
to her along with a £10 tip.

And by the way, ' the blonde added, 'it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus.'

A blonde heard that baths in milk would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman Dave to leave 25 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. Dave thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, “I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?”

The blonde said, “No, I want 25 gallons. I’m going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again.”

David the milkman asked, “Do you want it pasteurized?”

The blonde said, “No, just up to my tits. I can just splash it on my eyes.”

A police officer arrives at an accident scene where
apparently three Blondes have leaped to their death
from a very tall building. He suddenly notices that
one is still breathing so he approaches her and asks:

“Why the hell did you three beautiful girls leap out
of that building?”

One of the Blondes answers in a very weak voice: “We wanted to
try out our new maxi-pads with wings.”

An Blonde guy is inconsolable after his dog goes missing. His wife suggests he take out an ad in the newspaper, which he does. But two weeks later, there’s still no sign of the mutt.

“What did you write in the ad?” his wife asks.

“‘Here, boy!’”

essex blondes prefer a car with the roof down

more leg room

A blonde woman from Los Angeles, who was a tree hugger and an anti-hunter , purchased a piece of timberland, near Grants Pass, OR. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract.

She wanted a good view of the natural splendour of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch.

In considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest doctor. She told him she was an environmentalist and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters.

The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go into the examining room and he would see if he could help her.

She sat and waited three hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry blonde demanded, ‘What took you so long?’

He smiled and then told her, ‘Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area. I’m sorry, but they turned me down.’

Two Blonde chicks were driving to Disneyland. They were traveling on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said: Disneyland LEFT.
They started crying and turned around and went home.

Hello Friends,

A blond woman goes to the hospital.
"What seems to be the problem?" asked the Doctor.
"Something is terribly wrong, I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my vagina."
The Doctor had a look, chuckled and said "Those aren't postage stamps my dear,
they're the stickers off the bananas."

I urgently needed a few days off work, but, I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave.

I thought that maybe if I acted 'Crazy' then he would tell me to take a few days off.

So I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises.

My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing.

I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss might think I was 'Crazy' and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, 'What are you doing?'

I told him I was a light bulb.

He said, 'You are clearly stressed out.' Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.'

I jumped down and walked out of the office...

When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her, '..And where do you think you're going?!'

She said, 'I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark.'

^

Tizme, you have to be the greenest man around, between this and you other posts. Thank you.

An Alabama pastor said to his congregation,
"Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."

No one moved.
The preacher continued,
"Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."
Again, all was quiet.

Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew.
Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke,
"Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan.
I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared.

Jenny, a blonde girl came skipping home from school one day.

"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10.
See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"

"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde?" Jenny asked.

"Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mommy.



... The next day the girl came skipping home from school.
"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "We were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!"

"Very good, Jenny," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

"Yes, it's because you're blonde."



The next day Jenny came skipping home from school.
"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!"
And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.







"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"

"No Honey, it's because you're 24."

Two Mexicans are on a bicycle about 15 miles outside of Phoenix, Arizona. One of the bikes tires goes flat and they start hitching a lift back into town.

A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help, and the Mexicans ask him for a ride. He tells them he has no room in the trailer as he is carrying 20,000 bowling balls. The Mexicans put it to the driver that if they can manage to fit into the back with their bike, will he take them back into town and he agrees. They manage to squeeze themselves and their bike into the back and the driver shuts the doors and gets on his way.

By this time he is really late and so puts the hammer down and sure enough, a Blonde cop pulls him over for speeding. The officer asks the driver what he is carrying, to which the driver jokingly replies “Mexican eggs.”

The Blonde lady cop obviously doesn’t believe this so she wants to take a look in the trailer. She opens the back door and quickly shuts it and locks it. She gets on her radio and calls for immediate backup from as many officers as possible plus the Swat Team.

The dispatcher asks what emergency she has that requires so many officers.

The Blonde lady cop replies: “I’ve got a Tractor-Trailer stopped with 20,000 Mexican eggs in it. Two have hatched and they’ve already managed to steal a bicycle.