Thread: Another Blonde Joke

^
splendid!

Thanks for the fun.

A blonde bloke, wanting to earn some money, decides to hire himself out as a handyman, so starts canvassing a wealthy neighbourhood. He goes to the front door of the first house and asks the owner if she has any odd jobs.
"Well, how much would you charge to paint my porch?" she asks.
The blonde bloke replies:
"How about £50?"
She agrees, telling him that the paint and other materials he might need are in the garage.
The woman's husband hears the conversation and says to his wife:
"Does he realise the porch goes all the way round the house?" To which she replies:
"He should, he was standing on it."
A short time later, the blonde bloke comes to the door to collect his money.
"You're finished already?" she asks, surprised.
"Yes," he answers. "And I had some paint left over so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the woman reaches for her purse and hands him £50.
"And by the way," the blonde bloke adds:
"It's not a Porsche, it's a Ferrari."

Sunday Blonde Joke

Quality!!

thats a great one Boon!!!

Back in the old Wild West, there were two blond cowpokes, Jeff and Dave. One day, the two were enjoying a strong drink in the local saloon, when a man walked into the bar with an Indian's head under his arm. The barman shakes his hand and says, "I hate Indians, last week they burnt my barn to the ground, assaulted my wife and killed my children." He then says, "If any man brings me the head of an Indian, I'll give him one thousand dollars."
The two blonds looked at each other and walked out of the bar to go hunting for an Indian. They were walking around for a while when suddenly they saw one; Jeff threw a rock which hit the Indian right on the head. The Indian fell off his horse, but landed seventy feet down a ravine.
The two blonds made their way down the ravine where Dave pulled out a knife to claim their trophy.
Suddenly, Jeff said, "Dave, take a look at this."
Dave replied, "Not now, I'm busy."
Jeff tugged him on the shoulder and says, "I really think you should look at this."
Dave said, "Look, you can see I'm busy. There's a thousand dollars in my hand."
But Jeff was adamant. "Please, Dave, take a look at this."
So Dave looked up and saw that standing at the top of the ravine were five thousand red Indians. Dave just shook his head and said, "Oh my God, we're going to be millionaires!"

Originally Posted by Boon Mee

Back in the old Wild West, there were two blond cowpokes, Jeff and Dave. One day, the two were enjoying a strong drink in the local saloon, when a man walked into the bar with an Indian's head under his arm. The barman shakes his hand and says, "I hate Indians, last week they burnt my barn to the ground, assaulted my wife and killed my children." He then says, "If any man brings me the head of an Indian, I'll give him one thousand dollars."
The two blonds looked at each other and walked out of the bar to go hunting for an Indian. They were walking around for a while when suddenly they saw one; Jeff threw a rock which hit the Indian right on the head. The Indian fell off his horse, but landed seventy feet down a ravine.
The two blonds made their way down the ravine where Dave pulled out a knife to claim their trophy.
Suddenly, Jeff said, "Dave, take a look at this."
Dave replied, "Not now, I'm busy."
Jeff tugged him on the shoulder and says, "I really think you should look at this."
Dave said, "Look, you can see I'm busy. There's a thousand dollars in my hand."
But Jeff was adamant. "Please, Dave, take a look at this."
So Dave looked up and saw that standing at the top of the ravine were five thousand red Indians. Dave just shook his head and said, "Oh my God, we're going to be millionaires!"

That was actually quite funny.

A middle aged man, about 5 foot 8 inches tall, walks into a Walmart
and asks where the pharmacy counter is. He is directed to it.
When he reaches it, he asks to see the pharmacist.
The blonde pharmacist comes and the man, looking around furtively, asks quietly,"Do you sell Viagra here?"
The blonde pharmacist answers firmly, "Yes, sir. We certainly do."
The man then asks, "Do you think I could get it over the counter?"
The Blonde pharmacist thinks for a moment and then says,
"If you took five or six pills at once you might."

A blonde drops off a shirt at the cleaners...
On the way out the door, the lady at the counter says "Come Again"...
The blonde says "No its toothpaste this time, you nosey bitch".

Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college
graduation, get drunk, and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to
be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did
the night before.
The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair,
and is asked if she has any last words.
She says, "I just graduated from Brigham Young University
and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent."
They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all
immediately fall to the floor on their knees and beg for her forgiveness, and release her.
The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her
last words, "I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe
in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent."
They throw the switch and, again, nothing happens. Again,
they all immediately fall to their knees and beg for her forgiveness, and release her.
The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm
from the The University of Alabama and just graduated with a degree in
Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell ya right now, y'all ain't gonna
electrocute nobody until you plug this thing in."

-

Very funny jokes. I laughed

Blonde Phone Call


"Hi Mom, How are you?"
"Hi Sally, where are you? I thought you were with your father at the Ace Hardware"
"Yeah we were, but I got arrested, and they've let me make one phone call"
"What happened?"
"Oh, I punched this African-American woman in the head."
"What on earth, why did you do that?"
"Well it wasn't my fault. Dad told me to find a Black & Decker."

A Blond goes over to her friend's house wearing a TGIF tee-shirt.

Why are you wearing a Thank God It's Friday tee-shirt on Monday?

Oh crap!' the blond says. I didn't realize it was a religious T-shirt. I thought it meant Tits Go In Front

Two blonde pilots are trying to land an airplane.
They start descending and as they touch the ground the one blonde screams to the other blonde, "Bambi, pull up, the runaway is ending!"
She swiftly gets the plane back up in the air.
They make a big turn and start descending again.
The moment they touch the ground, the first blonde screams again, "Get the plane up, Bambi, the runaway is ending!"
The second blonde swiftly gets the plane back up in the air. They make a big turn and start descending again. This goes on again and again...
During their fourth descent the second pilot says, "This is so dumb, Candi, they build this huge and expensive airport but with such a short runaway."
"I know," answers Candi, "But look how wide they made it!

Two blondes were sipping their Starbucks when a truck went past loaded up with rolls of sod.
"I'm going to do that when I win the lottery," announced the first blonde.
"Do what?" asked the other blonde.


"Send my lawn away to be mowed."

A blonde's house is on fire.
She calls 911 and says, "My house is on fire."
The dispatcher says, "Well, can you tell me how we get there?"
"Duhhhh," she says, "in the big red trucks, of course!"

A sexy blond bombshell is resting in a hospital bed having a chat with her doctor, she asks - So doc when can I resume my normal sexlife?

The doctor hesitates a bit and answers - I really haven't given that any consideration.

The blonde - come now doc surely this can't be the first time a patient asks you this question?

No it's not the doc replies, but it is first time a patient asks after having the tonsils removed.

A blonde lady was driving along the highway when a police officer pulled her over for speeding.

Officer: May I see your license?

Lady: What does it look like?


Officer: Its a rectangular thing with a photo of you on it.


The lady looks through her bag and pulls out her compact mirror and hands it to the officer.


The officer looks in it up and says 'If you had told me you were a police officer I wouldn't have pulled you over.'

A blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of
all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as
stupid. So, she decides to show her husband that blondes
really are smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is
going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day,
right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to
the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive
smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his
wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that
she is wearing a heavy parka and a leather jacket at the
same time. He goes over and asks her if she if OK.
She replies, "Yes".
He asks what she is doing and she replies that
she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are
dumb, and she wanted to do it by painting the house.
He then asks her why she has a parka over her leather
jacket.
She replies that she was reading the directions on
the paint can and it said... "FOR
BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS."

Someone with more money than sense had a blonde moment whilst driving her Bentley in Monaco recently :

Hapless blonde crashes £250k Bentley into FOUR other supercars | Mail Online

And some good shots of the actual blonde

Expensive Car Crash in Monaco(9 Pics) -

How come you're late?" asked the bartender, as the blonde waitress walked into the bar.


"It was awful," she explained. "I was walking down Elm Street and there was a terrible accident. A man was thrown from his car and he was lying in the middle of the street. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank God I took that first-aid course."
"What did you do?" asked the bartender.


"I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!"

A blonde goes over to her friend's house wearing a 'TGIF' tee-shirt.
“Why are you wearing a 'Thank God It's Friday' tee-shirt on a Monday?”
“Oh crap!” the blonde says. “I didn't realize it was a religious T-shirt. I thought it meant 'Tits Go In Front'.

A flying saucer landed at a gas station on a lonely country road. The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned about detection; in fact, the letters "UFO" were emblazoned in big, bold letters on one side of their shiny craft.
As the station owner stood and gawked in silence, paralyzed with shock, his young blond attendant nonchalantly filled up the tank and waved to the two aliens as they took off.
"Do you realize what just happened?" the station owner finally uttered.
"Yeah," said the blond attendant. "So?"
"Didn't you see the space aliens in that vehicle?!"
"Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant. "So?"
"Didn't you see the letters 'UFO' on the side of that vehicle?!"
"Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant. "So?"
"Don't you know what 'UFO' means?!"


The blonde attendant rolled his eyes. "Good grief, boss! I've been working here for six years. Of course I know what 'UFO' means 'Unleaded Fuel Only.'"