Thread: No, really, it is NOT funny

Proof of what can happen if a wife or girlfriend drags her husband or boyfriend along shopping

This letter was recently sent by Tesco's Head Office to a customer in
Oxford:

Dear Mrs. Murray,

While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty
Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and your
family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics.
Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our
surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
trolleys when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine
products aisle.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone
'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.

5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and
told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor
gas stove.

7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he
began to cry and asked, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a
mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.

9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the
Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants
were.

10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the
'Mission Impossible' theme.

11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the 'Madonna look'
using different size funnels.

12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled
'PICK ME!' 'PICK ME!'

13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker,
assumed the foetal position and screamed 'NO! NO! It's those voices again.'

And; last, but not least:

14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a
while; then yelled, very loudly, 'There is no toilet paper in here.'

Yours sincerely,

Charles Brown
Store Manager

Originally Posted by panama hat

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products aisle.

Good one!

12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled
'PICK ME!' 'PICK ME!'

14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a
while; then yelled, very loudly, 'There is no toilet paper in here.'

Brilliant

I dont think it is genuine, I have seen the same list before on a "how to annoy asshoels" list or soimething like that.

buuuuuuuuut,

goddamn bladdy funny anyway,

have a green!

brilliant! will have to remember that next time i'm out

Originally Posted by kingwilly

have a green!

Most gracious, kind sir, greens always appreciated . . . seems I can't buy a green on my serious posts . . . , my political leanings are not the right kind . . .

My favourite:

14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a
while; then yelled, very loudly, 'There is no toilet paper in here.'

Originally Posted by kingwilly

I dont think it is genuine, !

Ya thunk ?? I dunno but, could be, but then again I am easily led astray by lesbians and bi-curious girls and such.

Who has been following me around the supermarkets.

I setup all the tents and camping tables in Carrefourre one evening checking to see if they were ok or not.

Enjoyed that had a long line of them down the aisle.

Did you try put the toilets?

She wanted a bike so we went to Big C in CR. Obvious, I thought, to try them out. One by one. Crashed at speed into a large display of plastic goods. Shit everywhere. Stood up, bowed to crowd, and left.

She didn't speak to me the whole trip home.

So you bought the bike and the rack of plastic goods and set it up at home, right in the path of the bike.

Originally Posted by panama hat

When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed the foetal position and screamed 'NO! NO! It's those voices again.'

Will use this one next time I hear one of those obnoxious 90db volume announcements in the Roiet store.

Originally Posted by Nawty

So you bought the bike and the rack of plastic goods and set it up at home, right in the path of the bike.

Not as such. I felt fucn stupid but didn't show it, I hope, and when we got home 3 hours later I honestly felt the the most appropriate thing to do was get drunk.
The next day I found a second hand bike in the village which I bought.
She's barely looked at it, let alone ride it.

I think I've made my point well and established my position. All is well in the camp.

In my dreams.....

"9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the
Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants
were"

Can't be real unless the manager is secret fan of the antics.

Originally Posted by mad_dog

Can't be real

Doesn't matter.

"Never let the truth get in the way of a good story."

John, chapter 7, verse 4

Originally Posted by panama hat

my political leanings are not the right kind . . .

yeah but in spite of that I still had a green saved up, I grade on content and debate on substance.. check your repo..

'kkin made my weekend!
excellent!

Another socialist welfare case trying to rip off a legitimate business. Anyway, way old rewritten story, p.

Originally Posted by Jet Gorgon

Another socialist welfare case trying to rip off a legitimate business. Anyway, way old rewritten story, p.

Well, I enjoyed it, so bugger off Jettie.

^ No prob, a good joke is always funny the first time around.

Originally Posted by DrivingForce

yeah but in spite of that I still had a green saved up, I grade on content and debate on substance.

Thanks! Hmm, have I ever 'redded' you?

Originally Posted by Jet Gorgon

Anyway, way old rewritten story,

That's because you are much older than the rest of us here and have seen and heard it all . . .

Originally Posted by panama hat

That's because you are much older than the rest of us here

worth requoting in case she missed it!

Originally Posted by panama hat

Thanks! Hmm, have I ever 'redded' you?

not sure....I don't think so, behave now...

Originally Posted by Jet Gorgon

^ No prob, a good joke is always funny the first time around.

Is that what all the boyfriends say on the first date....don't take it to heart.

Originally Posted by kingwilly

Originally Posted by panama hat

That's because you are much older than the rest of us here

worth requoting in case she missed it!

Pardon? You are quoting what?