Questions I have never been able to answer

[a. boozer]

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

What is the speed of darkness?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Did you ever stop and wonder......
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I’ll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its bum."

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Stop singing and read on……. Yes, it caught me too!

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

[momo8]

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

....and who turns off the light in the fridge when you close the door then? (wanted to know that as a child)

[Rdrokit]

Why do we park in the driveway and drive on the parkway?

[TizMe]

I've never driven on a parkway.

[Dalton]

and who turns off the light in the fridge when you close the door then

You did mention on another thread that you are a blonde.....So really no wonder ..is it ??

[momo8]

and who turns off the light in the fridge when you close the door then

You did mention on another thread that you are a blonde.....So really no wonder ..is it ??

As a child Dalton.

Some more funny English...

There is no egg in eggplant or ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple...

Is cheese the plural of choose?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?

Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship?

Have noses that run and feet that smell?

Park on driveways and drive on parkways?

Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?

One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese?

One index, two indices?

How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?

When a house burns up, it burns down.

You fill in a form by filling it out, and an alarm clock goes off by going on.

When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it?

.English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France.

How can 'slim chance and a fat chance' be the same, while ' wise man and a wise guy' are opposites?

[Norton]

A couple from George Carlin:

Why is it you can pick your nose and pick your friends but you shouldn't pick your friends nose?

Why is it OK to prick your finger but not OK to finger your prick?

[zipcode]

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?

It means, they soiled the bed while asleep.

[Texpat]

Jumbo shrimp
a little big
pretty ugly

[kingwilly]

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

doh, i was doing that tonight!

[Hootad Binky]

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?

It means, they soiled the bed while asleep.

Or they got drunk and shit the bed

[jizzybloke]

Why do you always find the last thing you were looking for when you're looking for something else?

[DrB0b]

<edit, forget it >

[Mr Pot]

Why do they put guide dogs only signs on shop windows? Last I heard blind people can't see and dogs can't read?

[dogblower]

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

Why is it that people who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them?

And one last one ... this actually has an answer, 80% of kindergarten kids got it but only 17% of a group of Stanford seniors got it right.

What is greater than God, more evil than the devil, the poor have it, the rich need it, and if you eat it, you'll die?

[natalie8]

^ I've heard that before and I can't remember the answer. Are you gonna tell us??

[natalie8]

I just found it on the net. Good one.

[kingwilly]

And one last one ... this actually has an answer, 80% of kindergarten kids got it but only 17% of a group of Stanford seniors got it right.

The Riddle that the Kindergartners Answered Better Than the University Students-Fiction!

[dogblower]

OK. Stanford seniors are just as smart as kindergarten kids.

[Mr Pot]

Who puts the keep off the grass sign on the grass?

[natalie8]

How do you get a crane out of a building once the building is complete? How do you get it to the ground? How do you pick it up from the ground? Now that I'm in Dubai it's killing my brain. Here's a pic of the new Burj Dubai, or Dubai tower, which, at 141 storeys, will be the world's tallest building.

[dirtydog]

It breaks down into 2 meter sections.