Being a very religious kind of person, when I checked into my hotel, I said to the woman at the desk; "I hope the p*rn channel in my room is disabled."
"No," she said, "It's regular p*rn, you sick bastard!!"
Being a very religious kind of person, when I checked into my hotel, I said to the woman at the desk; "I hope the p*rn channel in my room is disabled."
"No," she said, "It's regular p*rn, you sick bastard!!"
Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft. The study took two years and cost over 1.2 million pounds. The study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to provide the man with more pleasure during sex. After the results were published, France decided to conduct their own study on the same subject. They were convinced that the results of the British study were incorrect. After three years of research at a cost of in excess of 2 million Euros, the French researchers concluded that the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft to provide the woman with more pleasure during sex. When the results of the French study were released, Australia decided to conduct their own study. The Aussies didn't really trust British or French studies. So, after nearly three hours of intensive research and a cost of right around 75 dollars (three cases of beer), the Aussie study was complete. They concluded that the reason the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to prevent your hand from flying off and hitting you in the forehead.
I am so unlucky that if I fall into a barrel full of D*ick**s, I'd come out sucking my own thumb!
An old lady went to visit her dentist. When it was her turn, she sat in the chair, lowered her underpants, and raised her legs. The dentist said, "Excuse me, but I'm not a gynecologist." "I know," said the old lady. "I want you to take my husband's teeth out.
A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."
Boy comes home from school and proudly says to his dad that he was no longer a virgin because he had sex today behind the bike sheds.
"Well done son! When will you do it again?"
"As soon as my arse stops bleeding".
Then there was the one about the Englishman who went off in the bushes with two Yanks...
men like women with big boobs and small pussies because they have big mouths and small dicks
^+^^+^^^Leavve the jokes to GF eh fellas
Maybe the 2x4 will fall in...
Please delete DOUBLE POST
Doc, I can’t stop singing the ‘Green Green Grass of Home’. He said: ‘That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome’. ‘Is it common?’I asked. ‘It’s not unusual’ he replied.
^ Heh...
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you."
What do you call a Filipino walking a dog?
A vegitarian
^^McDonald has more lead balloons than someone with a lot of lead balloons. And he can't act to save himself.
Should have kept it in the McDonald thread.
Mind you, it makes GF's joke seem funnier
Who was the twat talking about licking out Hitler's arse? I've seen him before and never could understand why he was ever hire in comedy movies.
To be fair, McD's jokes about Michael Jackson were funny.
At a news conference the journalist said to the politician, "Your secretary has said publicly that you have a small penis. Would you care to comment on this?" "The truth is," replied the politician, "that she has a very big mouth."
^ Maybe she was sucking her own thumb...Heh...
A man was having premature ejaculation problems so he went to the doctor. The doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself." That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol and ran home to his wife. That night the two were having sex and found themselves in the 69 position. The man felt the urge to ejaculate and fired the starter pistol. The next day he went back to the doctor who asked how it went. The man answered, "Not well. When I fired the pistol, my wife pooped on my face, bit three inches off my penis, and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air."
"Babe is it in?" "Yea." "Does it hurt?" "Uh huh." "Let me put it in slowly." "It still hurts." "Okay, let's try another shoe size."
A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?"
Pat and Punty turn out of the pub in the early hours. Both roaring drunk and supporting each other.
There in the middle of the road is a naked woman. Her fundamental orifice is covered by a British Policemans helmet.
Pat turns to punt and says, "What should we do?"
Punty thinks for a second then says, "Fuck him, he got himself in, he can get himself out".
Heart of Gold and a Knob of butter.
There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)