Thread: Captain Smithers

In the great days of the British Empire, a new commanding officer was
sent to a South African bush outpost to relieve the retiring colonel.
After welcoming his replacement and showing the usual courtesies, gin and tonic, cucumber sandwiches etc) which protocol decrees, the
retiring colonel said, ?You must meet my Adjutant, Captain Smithers,
He?s my right-hand man and is really the strength of this office. His
talent is simply boundless.?

Smithers was summoned and introduced to the new CO, who was surprised

to meet a hunchback, one eyed, toothless, hairless, scabbed and
pockmarked specimen of humanity, a particularly unattractive man less than three feet tall.

?Smithers, old man, tell your new CO about yourself.?

?Well, sir, I graduated with the sword of honour from Sandhurst, joined the
regiment and won the Military Cross and Bar after three expeditions
behind enemy lines. I?ve represented Great Britain in equestrian
events and won a Silver Medal in the middleweight boxing division of the
Olympics. I have researched the history of?..?

At that point, the colonel interrupted, ?Yes, yes, never mind that
Smithers, he can find all that in your file. Tell him about the day
you told the witch doctor to fuck off.?