Being Nicked

**Boon Mee** · 26-06-2015, 06:18 AM

I sincerely hope this one hasn't been posted before!

Being Nicked

A police officer pulls over a speeding car.

The officer says, ' I clocked you at 120 km/h, sir.'

The driver says, 'Christ, officer I had it on cruise control at 100, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.'

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: 'Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.'

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, 'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?'

The wife smiles demurely and says, 'You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.'

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, “can't you keep your mouth shut?'

The officer frowns and says, 'And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine.'

The driver says, 'Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.'

The wife says, 'Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving.'

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, 'WHY DON'T You shut up?

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, 'Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?'

Wait for it..............................

'Only when he's half-pissed.'......

**Ratchaburi** · 26-06-2015, 07:34 AM

555

**palexxxx** · 26-06-2015, 09:34 AM

Originally Posted by Boon Mee

I sincerely hope this one hasn't been posted before!

Of course it has.

https://teakdoor.com/jokes-and-funny-...ut-goldie.html (Oldie but goldie.)

Almost word for word.

**Ratchaburi** · 26-06-2015, 11:00 AM

Pale it OK if jokes are repeated now & then as for this is the first time Iv read it.

**nidhogg** · 26-06-2015, 11:03 AM

A widowed elderly lady was sunbathing on a beach in Fort Myers, FL.

She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand next to hers and began reading a book.

Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him.

"Hello sir, how are you today?"

"Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book.

"I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked.

"First time since my wife passed away 2 years ago," he replied and turned back to his book.

"I'm sorry to hear that. My husband passed away 3 years ago and it is very lonely," she countered. "Do you live around here?" she asked.

"Yes, I live over in Cape Coral," he answered and again resumed reading.

Trying to find a topic of common interest, and noticing that his book was about veterinary medicine, she persisted, "Do you like pussy cats?"

With that, the man dropped his book, jumped off his blanket and on to hers, tore off her swimsuit and gave her the most passionate ride of her life! When the cloud of sand began to settle, she gasped and asked the man, "How did you know that was what I wanted?" The man replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?"

**BaitongBoy** · 26-06-2015, 11:06 AM

I've heard it here before, too, but I'm happy to hear it again... Besides, Booners rocks!...

However, Dawg has the final say...But it is definitely amusing...

What "category" are we in, anyway?...

**BaitongBoy** · 26-06-2015, 11:07 AM

Originally Posted by Ratchaburi

Pale it OK if jokes are repeated now & then as for this is the first time Iv read it.

Takes time to reach Kanchanaburi!...

**Ratchaburi** · 26-06-2015, 02:20 PM

Originally Posted by BaitongBoy

Originally Posted by Ratchaburi

Pale it OK if jokes are repeated now & then as for this is the first time Iv read it.

Takes time to reach Kanchanaburi!...

about 45 minute for me

**Boon Mee** · 03-07-2015, 03:11 PM

Originally Posted by Ratchaburi

Originally Posted by BaitongBoy

Originally Posted by Ratchaburi

Pale it OK if jokes are repeated now & then as for this is the first time Iv read it.

Takes time to reach Kanchanaburi!...

about 45 minute for me

An hour and 15 min or so for me

**BaitongBoy** · 04-07-2015, 04:17 AM

Is there a prize for getting there first?...I mean, apart from hearing the joke before the others...

**Boon Mee** · 04-07-2015, 05:53 AM

Originally Posted by BaitongBoy

Is there a prize for getting there first?...I mean, apart from hearing the joke before the others...

Mebe just bragging rights? Second & third showings don't get the respect.

**birding** · 19-07-2015, 02:34 PM

While on being nicked..........................

In todays news. A bus carrying 29 scantily dressed young ladies was pulled over at a police check point.
They were all arrested after failing a brothalyzer test.

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