Nine Important Facts

Number 9 - Death is the number 1 killer in the world.

 Number 8 - Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 7 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 6 - Men have two emotions: hungry and horny, and they can't tell them apart.
If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.

Number 5 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day.
Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

Number 4 - Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

Number 3 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather.
It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 2 - In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Number 1 - Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers.
What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow.

...and as someone recently said to me:
Don't worry about old age; it doesn't last that long.